When Does Heartbreak Heal

Posted on February 24, 2025 by Debbie

Today is Caleb’s 14th birthday, all of them celebrated in heaven, while we are stuck on earth without him in a mix of heart ache and sorrow. Certainly some things get better with time. Now I can (mostly*) control my emotions until I have time and privacy to cry. I can day dream about what life would look like with three boys instead of two. I can imagine what Caleb would be like and look like. I can share our story with others.

A few times this year I have been able to share with people about Caleb’s short life and how I survived his loss. A new neighbor, an old friend, a conference full of women, small groups and large groups at Bible study. Because I have so publicly shared our grief and God’s faithfulness, people ask me about Caleb often. When a friend of a friend loses a baby… When a neighbor’s sister has a miscarriage… When a friend’s co-worker has a still birth… I have the privilege to walk alongside them, to share my story, to share the hope I have that I will see Caleb again in heaven. I share about God’s love and faithfulness, that His peace filled me despite my devastation.

Now all these women are part of The Club. The Club you didn’t know existed until you were in it. The Club you never wanted to be part of. Moms who have lost babies. You realize that heartbreak isn’t just a saying, but a physical pain. Does it ever heal? Some days I’m still surprised by how quickly my grief can be triggered.

Earlier this year a friend of mine texted that she was at the hospital and had to deliver her baby a few weeks early. Even though her circumstances were different than mine, and her and the baby were expected to be healthy, I found myself sitting on the kitchen floor crying. I was so scared for her and the baby. I prayed that God would protect them and that everything would go well.

But then I also say “Why God… why does she get her baby and I didn’t get mine?” I see pictures of a preemie baby on Facebook … “God why couldn’t I make it a few more weeks? Then I’d have Caleb with me.” I really am grateful for every baby that gets to go home with their parents. I just wish I had mine too.

I don’t know the answer to why some moms get to take their babies home and some moms have empty arms. But I do know that sharing Caleb’s story has helped many women. I will always do my best to walk alongside the grieving, to show them God’s love, and to pray they find comfort and peace in Him like I have.

Happy 14th Birthday Caleb. I love you always!

*I wrote this while eating lunch at Jimmy John’s and definitely cried. But I’m ok with crying in public now.

Getting Old and Staying Young

Posted on September 27, 2019 by Debbie

A few weeks ago I celebrated my 38th birthday. Just saying 38 sounds old. It doesn’t seem like too long ago that I was waking up late and rushing to catch the bus to high school. Or waking up late and rushing to class in college. Now I wake up late and rush to get my kids to school. I’m sensing a pattern. Seriously though, I’m in that stage where people just say “30s” or the 15th anniversary of their 21st birthday. Why do we hide our age? What are we so ashamed of?

Most of the time I don’t “feel” 38. I walk around thinking I’m 20-something until I actually see a 20-something and they look so childlike. I’m reminded of my age when I look closely in the mirror and see wrinkles on my face, or a few gray hairs on my head (I blame Parker for that… they started to appear when he was born). I’m reminded of my age when my friends and I play co-ed indoor soccer against the recently graduated college soccer stars. Or maybe they haven’t even graduated yet. While admiring their impressive skills and high energy, our taunts turn to “It’s past your bedtime!” Or “Don’t you have to get back to the dorm and study for finals.” Or “Your mom just called and you missed curfew!” We may not have won the game, but we did make them laugh.

I’ve always felt like the young one. Maybe because I have two older siblings and I was often too young to stay up and play with them at night. I have a fall birthday, which during school years always made me one of the youngest in my class. My husband is the same age as me (he’s a few months older!). Most of my friends are within a couple years of me, give or take. So I’m not ashamed of my age. Or at least, I’m going to try never to hide my age.

Every day is a gift. We are reminded of this when we hear of someone who died young, or when we have a friend battling cancer while she parents her young children. Each day is a gift. Each day of my 38 years has been a gift. I haven’t always felt like that at the time. Certainly not every day has felt good. But every day is filled with the hope of blessings more amazing that I could imagine.

The next time your age comes up, I hope you will proudly declare the truth, gratefully acknowledging the blessing of each day.

“This is the day the Lord has made; let us rejoice and be glad in it.” Psalm 118:24

My Birthday List

Posted on September 9, 2014 by Debbie

Have you ever had to brush your teeth using bottled water? Or make sure your mouth is sealed shut while showering so no water drips get in? I have. A few trips we have taken required our dependence on bottled water to avoid “travelers diarrhea” and other diseases, including Thailand, Mexico, and most of all Africa. Not only could we not drink the water (or ice), but we had to make sure not to eat any fruit or vegetables that we didn’t peel ourselves.

After a week climbing Mt. Kilimanjaro in Tanzania, we ate lunch with our guides and porters and a “restaurant.” It didn’t look like any kind of restaurant we have in the states. We ate ribs from cows… But I saw the cows in Africa and they are so skinny you can see their bones. Along with the ribs were cucumbers, which I avoided because they would’ve been washed with unclean water. Jeff, however, had a brain lapse and began eating the cucumbers until I elbowed him and gave him a look. Not wanting to be rude, we didn’t make a big deal about it. He only consumed a couple small slices before realizing his mistake, and he was ok.

We recently returned from Cancun, Mexico where we also had to avoid tap water. However Cancun caters to tourists, so often the hotels and tour companies are equipped with purified water. But even the dependence on bottled water and making sure I had enough for the day and night, created a little anxiety in me. I am used to drinking 80-100 ounces of water a day! I’m constantly refilling my water bottle at home. Being in Mexico made me a little nervous… what if I can’t get enough water? What do I do?

The trip served as a reminder to me of the luxury I have living in America and having an abundance of clean water flowing from my faucets – every faucet. I shower in water clean enough to drink. I flush the toilet with water clean enough to drink. Meanwhile people all over the world walk miles to collect water which is unclean and causes disease.

According to CharityWater.org, “Diseases from unsafe water and lack of basic sanitation kill more people every year than all forms of violence, including war. Children are especially vulnerable, as their bodies aren’t strong enough to fight diarrhea, dysentery and other illnesses. 90% of the 30,000 deaths that occur every week from unsafe water and unhygienic living conditions are in children under five years old.”

On Friday I turn 33 years old. I can’t think of a better way to celebrate my birthday than helping meet actual needs for people, like clean water. Would you consider donating $33, or any amount, to Charity : Water and help me end the crisis of clean water? My goal is to raise $1,000 and right now every donation is matched by one of Charity : Water’s generous donors.

Clean water for all global citizens would cost $9 billion. Sound impossible? Annual US and European spending on perfume is $12 billion. Maybe if we realign our priorities we can make a real difference and save people’s lives. Join me by giving people a better life by giving them clean water. Donate today at Charity : Water.