On Thursday, Feb. 24 at 1:48am I gave birth to a beautiful baby boy, Caleb. Jeff and I knew we were expecting, but thought we were around 10 weeks along. Earlier in the week I had a lot of bleeding and lost a lot of fluids. The doctor examined me, heard the baby’s heartbeat and was confident things were ok. However on Wednesday I began to go into labor. It was determined by ultrasound measurements that I was really 19 weeks along. Although the baby still had a heartbeat inside me, the possibility of survival in the womb or delivered was zero.
Caleb was born without a heartbeat, but we are thankful God took him without him having to suffer with underdeveloped lungs. We were able to hold him all night and take pictures. My parents and Jeff’s parents were there to share that time with us as well. Caleb means “whole hearted” and Caleb in the Bible was whole heartedly devoted to the Lord. He was determined to trust the Lord and His promises, even in the face of obstacles. We are so grateful for the time we had with Caleb and that God chose us to be his parents.
Here is a letter we wrote to Caleb that was read at his funeral service:
Even though you were only with us a short time, you brought such joy to our lives. We were excited to share the news with our family and friends so they could rejoice with us as we waited for your arrival. We knew you were a precious gift from God.
Your time with us was shorter than we expected. But we know God’s timing is perfect. The hopes and dreams we had for you are nothing compared to God’s dreams for you. Even though we would have given you everything, the home you have with the Lord is better than a home with us.
The time we had with you in the hospital were the happiest and saddest moments of our lives. We are so grateful for the time to hold you, take your picture, and tell you we love you. We are thankful we heard your heartbeat, we saw you on the ultrasound, and we held you in our arms. We are thankful you didn’t suffer on this earth and that you are home with the Lord. We are thankful God chose us to be your Mommy and Daddy. We are thankful for God’s faithfulness, that He is trustworthy, and good.
We miss you Caleb, but we know Jesus is holding you now. We can’t hold you in our arms, but we will hold you in our hearts forever. One day Caleb, we will hold you again in heaven.
We love you forever,
Mommy & Daddy
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