Sometimes I feel like an Israelite.
Reading about the Israelites in Exodus makes me frustrated. It is so easy to see how time and again God does something miraculous for them but moments later they turn away from Him. He parts the Red Sea to bring about their deliverance from slavery, they worship Him, then they complain they don’t have food. God miraculously gives them food from heaven and they complain they don’t have meat. God gives them meat and they complain about something else. They even went so far as to build an idol to worship, as if they had forgotten all these amazing things God did as He rescued them from slavery.
It’s always easier to see someone else’s sin than our own. Too often I’m just like the Israelites. I praise God for what He’s done and two days later I’m overcome with doubt and fear.
Something got into me today and I was really struggling tonight (as you can tell by the fact I’m blogging at midnight). I had a contraction, which I haven’t had in days, and all of a sudden I’m extremely aware of every little feeling in my body. Finally laying in bed tonight I prayed, “Lord I just need to hear from You. I know my feelings can lie and my worries make it hard to see the truth. I just want to hear You tell me everything is ok.”
But instead of answering me directly, God reminded me of the miracles He has already done in this pregnancy, like last Friday at the doctor, and He reminded me of the Israelites. I don’t want to praise God and then forget what He’s done. I want to praise Him all the time, even when I’m struggling. I want to always remember the amazing work He’s done and live each day expecting His work to continue.
Lord I’m sorry for doubting and letting fear consume me. Thank You for being faithful even when I’m not. Thank You for reminding me that You who began a good work in me will carry it on to completion. Lord again I surrender this precious baby into Your loving, capable hands. I lay down my fear and worry and choose instead to trust You. Thank You for alway loving me and letting nothing separate me from Your love. In Jesus’ Name, amen.