Today was a good day. I didn’t know what to expect on this first anniversary of having Caleb. I woke up this morning, not with a deep sadness, but with a confidence, an assurance, feeling at peace. I’m not sure how to explain it except that everything felt like it was exactly how it should be.
There have been many times in the last year that I have not felt that. Times I wished I could change everything. Times I couldn’t handle reality and wished there was a way to escape. But today felt like a milestone of healing.
Being pregnant now certainly makes it easier to handle Caleb’s birthday. But even if I wasn’t pregnant that wouldn’t change the truths I’ve learned. God has still taken my mourning and turned it into dancing, my sorrows He has turned to joy. He has taken my hopeful faith and turned it into confident assurance.
We heard from family and friends on the phone or by email. Thank you for thinking of us. Moms are famous for bragging about their children – the funny things the toddler says or the good grades the kids are getting. It’s no different with me and Caleb. I just want his life to have mattered and for people to remember him. Thank you for sharing with me the impact Caleb has made on your life. It makes it easier to keep walking this journey of trusting God and knowing He is faithful.