What if Your blessings come through rain drops,
What if Your healing comes through tears,
What if a thousand sleepless nights are what it takes to know You’re near,
What if my greatest disappointment
Or the aching of this life
Is the revealing of a greater thirst
This world can’t satisfy
What if trials in this life are Your mercies in disguise

This is the chorus to Laura Story’s song Blessings. I first heard it about a year ago after having Caleb. It became like a theme song for me, expressing what I believed but wasn’t able to put into words.

Whenever I can’t sleep I think of that line: what if a thousand sleepless nights are what it takes to know You’re near. Tonight is one of my sleepless nights. Not because I’m worried or anxious. I just seem to be wide awake. I ate a small chocolate chip cookie bar at 10:30 but that doesn’t seem like the culprit.

Many of my sleepless nights have been filled with anxieties or sadness. After having Caleb I often emailed friends in the middle of the night with my thoughts and emotions. Writing usually helped me recognize my feelings and release them to God.

I hate not sleeping. But if it takes 1,000 sleepless nights to understand the nearness of God, then sign me up. Maybe insomnia is the Lord’s way of subtly getting our attention and hoping we call out to Him. Maybe in the stillness and silence of the night our hearts and minds can hear what God is trying to tell us. It might not be an intricate earth-shattering message, but just a time to feel the loving arms of our Savior wrapped around us as He sings over us, reminding us that He is always near.

“I will never leave you or forsake you.” Hebrews 13:5

“For the LORD your God is living among you. He is a mighty Savior. He will take delight in you with gladness. With His love, He will calm all your fears. He will rejoice over you with joyful songs.” Zephaniah 3:17