Category Archives: Bible Study

Posts of Bible study lessons, most of which involve worry, faith, fear, surrender, God’s sovereignty, and more.

Why Are You Crying

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Heidi and I at Bible study - my first week back after being on bed rest for 4 months!

Heidi and I at Bible study last year – my first week back after being on bed rest for 4 months!

My husband has heard my quiet sniffles and seen the redness of my eyes enough to know when I’m crying. At times in my life it seems obvious why I’m crying, like in the days and weeks after we lost our first baby. Yet still Jeff would first say “Why are you crying?” Most of my responses would have sounded like a sarcastic comment like “Why do you think I’m crying! Duh!” But I was too busy crying.

Its a question Jesus asks also. But what I find more interesting is when Jesus cried. “Jesus wept” John 11:35 – the shortest verse in the Bible. Jesus cries because His friend Lazarus has died, except that Jesus has planned to raise him from the dead. So why would He cry?

I think Jesus cries to show us He understands our sadness and our sorrow. He has experienced it. Even though He knows better things are ahead, He enters into the grief of the moment with Mary and Martha, Lazarus’s sisters, and weeps with them.

“He was despised and rejected by men; a man of sorrows, and acquainted with grief… Surely he has borne our griefs and carried our sorrows.” Isaiah 53:3-4

Many of you who have read my blog lately are grieving our friend Heidi. We are sad for us – that we will miss her joy, wisdom, and friendship. We are sad for her husband and children – that they will grow up without her by their side. But we are not sad for Heidi – because she is where she always wanted to be: in heaven with her Savior.

The One who bore her griefs and sorrows and sins on the cross, the One who died and rose again, the One who conquered sin and death once and for all, the Lord Jesus Christ has called Heidi home to Him. While Jesus rejoices with Heidi in heaven, in His omniscience, He is also here with us. Bearing our griefs and sorrows, yet reminding us there are better days ahead.

Never Early Never Late

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If  you have ever tried to meet up with me for lunch, you would know the title of this post doesn’t describe me. I am often late… at least now I can blame Jack, right?

In the early days of our marriage, Jeff would yell to me “We’re leaving in five minutes for church!” Which was approximately five minutes after I woke up. Thankfully I’ve had lots of practice getting ready in a short amount of time (basically because I’ve done this my whole life). Then I’d get downstairs, Jeff would be standing at the back door, and I’d proceed to fill a water bottle, and/or make a chai, and grab a granola bar. Jeff still doesn’t understand why I always have at least one beverage with me. What can I say? I like to stay hydrated. And, I’d like to point out, that he often steals a sip from my water bottle.

While “never early, never late” doesn’t describe me, although I’m getting better, it does describe God. A lesson I learned most tangibly after having Caleb.

“All the days ordained for me were written in Your book before even one of them came to be.” Psalm 139:16

All of Caleb’s days – 19 weeks 3 days – were planned by God before Caleb was even conceived. It’s easy in our human nature to say Caleb was born too soon and died too soon. No matter how old our loved ones are, we would be likely to say they died too soon. Before our hearts were ready to say goodbye.

Knowing that Caleb’s days had been planned by God has always comforted me. There’s nothing I could have done to prolong his life. His premature birth wasn’t a surprise to God. It was His plan.

Your child, teenager, mother, grandpa didn’t die too soon. They had lived every day God has given them. Although we can question and wonder why God would allow children to die, we know that heaven is way better than earth. Our hearts may hurt and long for them, but they are experiencing more joy than we can imagine.

I wonder how many days God has planned for me. And for you. Every day really is a gift from Him. May you find peace, comfort, and joy knowing that the God who created you has planned your days and loves you more than you can imagine.

Caleb Chun - Feb 24, 2011

Caleb Chun – Feb 24, 2011

I Was At The Cross

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I was at the cross. I watched as Jesus hung there between two criminals, yet He is an innocent man. Why does it have to be like this? The pain, torture, agony. I thought He was the Messiah. The One we’ve waited for but I didn’t expect Him to be crucified.

A crowd has gathered to watch Jesus suffer. Some, like me, are sad and confused. Others just mock Him, tease Him about being King of the Jews. “He IS the King!” I want to shout but I’m afraid they’ll put me on a cross too. Isn’t Jesus going through enough? Just leave Him alone.

I can hear the criminals talking to Jesus. “Save yourself and save me too,” says the one, just mocking Jesus. But the other criminal… he seems to know the truth. “We are guilty. We deserve this. But this man, Jesus, is innocent.”

I stand here paralyzed by grief as tears stream down my face. Jesus is almost unrecognizable because of the beatings He has endured. He doesn’t deserve this.

I think about what He said. The miracles He did: feeding thousands with just a few loaves of bread, healing the sick, giving sight to the blind, bringing Lazarus back from the dead! He has led an amazing life, always pointing to the Lord. A perfect life. He shouldn’t be hanging on a cross.

Me on the other hand… the things I’ve said and done and thought … I should be the one on the cross.

I try to fit these puzzle pieces together in my mind to make sense of all that is happening. Before I know it, Jesus speaks: “It is finished.” He took His last breath and He’s dead.

It is finished…? What is finished? It seemed like it was just beginning…

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He Found Them Sleeping

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Everyone is known for something. Their job, family, personality, jokes they tell.  I am famous for sleeping. When I was a baby my parents had the entire second story of the house constructed. I learned to sleep through the hammering and sawing, and so we credit my deep sleeping abilities to the early days of my life.

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I’ve slept while a poopy diaper sat on the pillow next to my nose. I’ve slept in an arcade when supervising a youth group retreat. I’ve slept in restaurants (although that was after a concussion so it doesn’t seem like it should count). I’ve slept in my car – if Jack can do it, so can I. I taught my nieces and nephews how to play a sleeping game so that I could actually sleep longer instead of getting up to play. I’ve slept at work waiting for our party to begin. While I may enjoy sleeping, I realize some things are more important. Still, it can be hard to choose to wake up early.

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Just days before Jesus was going to be crucified, He was praying in the Garden of Gethsemane and a few disciples were with Him. Jesus tells the disciples to keep watch while He goes to pray. He returns to find them sleeping. “Couldn’t you keep watch for one hour? Watch and pray so you don’t fall into temptation,” Jesus said to them as He went away a second time to pray.

When Jesus came back, He again found them sleeping because their eyes were heavy. This time Jesus didn’t even say anything to them, but turns and goes away to pray a third time. Returning, Jesus finds them still sleeping.

How would you feel if you were Jesus? Facing torture and death and your friends are clueless – sleeping because their eyes were heavy. I wonder what the disciples missed out on because they were sleeping. We know they couldn’t have prevented Jesus’ death. Jesus said He had to die. What was He praying for those three times? For God to take the cup away from Him. “Yet not as I will but as You will,” Jesus prays to the Father.

I wonder what have I missed out on because I was sleeping. Have I missed opportunities to show compassion to friends? Have I missed time with the Lord because I chose to sleep instead of pray? Have I misunderstood what God is trying to say to me?

We know that we all need sleep. God created us like that and He says in His word that He gives His beloved sleep (Psalm 127:2) and that our sleep will be sweet (Proverbs 3:24). But I don’t want Jesus to find me sleeping. I don’t want to be “asleep” to His word or His guidance or His message for me. But to be aware of how the Lord is leading me, I need to read the Bible and pray. And in my life that’s going to mean choosing less sleep.

Matthew 26:36-46

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*I’d like to point out that I wrote this instead of taking a nap. 🙂

**My new favorite sleeping position is cuddling with Jack!

Shine On

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It seems to be around this time each year that we Midwesterners complain about the weather. Anxious for spring to begin and bring the sun and warm we’ve been missing. Meanwhile piles of snow linger next to driveways and the weather report shows an upcoming snowstorm this weekend. But the sun is out today. And kids are soaking it up, running around in hoodies and Uggs. Spring break officially started. For those who still get a spring break.

It seems so appropriate that Easter would be next week. Another “spring” if you will. Death. Rebirth. Celebration.

When Jesus died on the cross and was buried in the tomb, His followers were confused. They hadn’t understood His death was necessary, that it was the path He chose. The three days Jesus was in the tomb, His followers weren’t waiting to celebrate Easter. They didn’t know He would live again. They were mourning. Trying to reconcile their faith in Jesus as the Messiah and their confusion that things didn’t go as they expected.

Have you ever been in their shoes? Things don’t turn out as you expect and you’re sitting around mourning a “death” when spring is around the corner? The hardest part is believing “spring” will come and not knowing when it will arrive. How long do you wait? What if the disciples gave up after two days? What if they agreed their idea of Jesus being the Messiah was wrong.

“Hey everyone, forget the miracles you saw, the healings, the amazing teaching. We don’t really know who Jesus was, but He wasn’t the one we were waiting for. Sorry…”

But you can’t forget. It’s the memory of the miracles that gets you through the questions, the trials, the doubts.

I think it’s funny how everyone is complaining of the cold. This happens every year. Don’t you all remember? Spring will come. Jesus rose from the grave.

The trials you’re going through may not have a happy ending now, but someday you’ll look back and see the spring-like transformation God has done in your life. He makes all things new. He brings the dead back to life. He gives you beauty where there were ashes. He restores. He redeems. He has risen. He has risen indeed.

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NOT a Diet Book

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When I was on bed rest several friends, acquaintances, even strangers – very nice strangers – signed up to bring dinner over. It was wonderful! One of these nice strangers has become a friend from my Bible study. She had brought Greek food, and while I’m not a very adventurous eater, I loved it! Last week I was thinking I should make what she had made us, but my knowledge of Greek food is so little I didn’t even know what to google (I guess you could say “it’s all Greek to me!” Ha!)

So I emailed my friend explaining my conundrum and she promised to bring recipes to Bible study. (My friend will remain nameless just in case she’s not this nice to everyone). Bible study mornings can be kind of busy for me between making sure Jack is taken care of in the nursery and practicing music with the band. This particular morning my friend had to leave early so she hands me a bag and says “I’ll email you about the book.”

I open the bag after study and pull out The South Beach Diet book. Most people may think a diet book… what is she trying to tell me?! Which is why I received an email from her later with the subject line “I did NOT give you a diet book!” I wasn’t offended. Not only did she buy me a cookbook with the recipes I wanted, but she went through and flagged her family’s favorite meals! She’s pretty amazing.

It was like a strange giveaway at bible study that week because I also received a reminder card to hang in the shower about breast self-exams to prevent breast cancer. [Other weeks I’ve received a gingham print children’s chair with “Jackson” embroidered on it, as well as a small bag with “Jack” embroidered which has come in handy to tote around Jack’s toys and food! Both passed down to us from an older Jackson and Jack. It’s so great!]

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Oh yeah, and it was also a great lesson… praising God even in the midst of our suffering. When you’re going through a hard time, it’s like you have a checklist: talk to friends, read self-help book, eventually pray … But praise God. Thank God even for the hard time you’re going through. It doesn’t seem natural.

When we fix our eyes on the Author of our faith, the Sustainer of the universe, Creator of the world, Lover of our souls, we realize He does have a plan and as much as we dislike what is currently happening we can trust Him. This horrible thing in our life didn’t surprise the Lord. It hasn’t caught Him off guard. It has been woven into His perfect plan, with perfect timing, in our life and He will work all things together for us who love Him and are called to His purpose (Romans 8:28). I wonder what bible study will be like tomorrow!

Anxiety or Faith?

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A newsletter from our hospital just arrived in the mail. I glanced through the articles and my eyes stopped at “Patients Learn to Face Down Anxiety.” Sounds interesting. An anxiety cure has been found…

A patient in the program explains, “Instead of trying to eliminate your negative thoughts, you accept that you have them.” Maybe that will work from time to time, but I have a better solution.

Resist the negative thoughts. Instead think about “whatever is true, noble, right, pure, lovely, admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things… And the God of peace will be with you” (Philippians 4:8-9).

With you. What’s the cause of most anxiety? Letting negative thoughts consume you, thinking you’re in control, the only one who cares, the only one who can do anything about it. But you’re wrong. I think somewhere deep inside we know that we can’t fix everything. We can’t protect our loved ones from every sickness, bully, bad grade, or injury. We can’t keep them alive, or keep them home, or keep them from losing their job. As much as we may try, we can’t do a lot of things. We don’t run the world.

Good thing. We would make a lot of mistakes.

The Lord – who does rule the world, whether we want Him to or not – The Lord is with us. If we think how He directs us, we will have peace not anxiety.

The next time you’re on the verge of anxiety or worry or fear, pray. Pray to the God who is with you, who holds your cares in His hand, who loves you more than you can comprehend. Pray to the One who is able to do more than all you ask or imagine.

“Whatever is true, noble, right, pure, lovely, admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things… And the God of peace will be with you” (Philippians 4:8-9).

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Immediate Faith

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I’ve been reading Mended by Angie Smith whenever Jack falls asleep in the car. It’s perfect for a “car book” because it has short, devotional-like chapters. A few chapters about Peter, one of Jesus’s disciples, helped me see his faith that acts immediately.

Peter was a fisherman. One day Jesus walked by and said “follow me” and Peter went immediately.

When Mary Magdalene said Jesus wasn’t in the tomb, most of the disciples stood around wondering how this could be. Peter ran to the tomb immediately.

But my favorite example of Peter’s faith is walking on water. The disciples are in the boat out on the sea but Jesus had stayed behind. Now in the dark of night, Jesus comes to the boat walking on water. The disciples weren’t sure who it was, so Peter challenges in faith, “If its You, Lord, tell me to come to You on the water.” Jesus says come and Peter steps out of the boat.

He steps out of the boat –
into deep water
in the dark
out of the comfort of his boat and friends
trusting Jesus has the power to keep Peter walking on top of the sea.

And it works. Peter walks on water with Jesus! Then he looks around and gets scared. Peter sees the waves and the water. He realizes what he’s done and he gets scared. Even though Jesus had already proved Peter could walk on water.

Peter starts to sink. He calls out “Lord save me!” Immediately Jesus reaches out and grabs him.

Peter was the only disciple bold enough to believe Jesus – in the darkness, the wind, the waves, the middle of the sea – and therefore he was the only disciple to walk on water. Are you sitting in the boat with your friends, comfortable, unwilling and unwanting to boldly trust God to do the impossible?

As far as we know the other disciples weren’t punished for not walking on water. But I think they missed out on a miracle. A blessing. A gift.

Or are you walking on water but nervous about the wind and waves around you? Trust The Lord. Cry out to Him like Peter did – Lord save me – and know that He will. “Immediately Jesus reached out His hand and grabbed him. ‘You of little faith, why did you doubt?’ And when they climbed into the boat the wind died down. Those in the boat worshipped Him and said ‘Truly You are the Son of God.'”

The story of Jesus and Peter walking on water can be found in Matthew 14.

Leaning On God

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Over the last two years I’ve stood at Caleb’s grave, leaning against this tree many times. I’ve cried because I miss him. I’ve prayed because God promises comfort and peace. I’ve smiled remembering how cute his little face was and how small his feet were. I’ve read the Bible to find hope and strength.

One month after Caleb was born I stood at his grave and read the story where Jesus raises Lazarus from the dead. I told God I believe He could do it, so please Lord raise Caleb from the dead? Then I stood there wondering how it would happen, looking for the ground to shake and Caleb to crawl out. But Caleb wasn’t raised that day.

Today, Caleb’s second birthday, I drove out to his grave. Jack was fighting taking a nap this afternoon but he is powerless against napping in the car. So I put Jack in the car and drove out to Caleb’s grave. As I drove I asked God to speak to me. Give me something insightful, comforting, peace-giving today.

I saw a flower and note from Grammy and Granddad. I had nothing to lay at his grave since I left with Jack in a bit of a hurry, so I wrote “we love you” in the snow. As I stood there leaning against my tree, I prayed, cried, and read Scripture. The last verse of Psalm 33 is on Caleb’s headstone so I read the Psalm.

“For the word of The Lord is right and true. He is faithful in all He does.” (v4)

“We wait in hope for the Lord; He is our help and our shield. In Him our hearts rejoice, for we trust in His holy name. May Your unfailing love be with us, Lord, even as we put our hope in You.” (v20-22)

We wait in hope that one day we will see Caleb again in heaven. We rejoice in The Lord for giving us Caleb as our first precious boy. We trust The Lord. We look to Him as our help and shield to comfort us along this journey. As I wrote about yesterday, the sadness hasn’t really gone away. It comes and goes depending on the day. But there’s purpose in it.

Because of Caleb I have real faith. I’ve learned to depend on God to get me through each day. I’ve read the Bible not out of duty, but because it is life-giving. My worship is more true, understanding that God gives and takes away, but still I bless His name.

What God reminded me today is that He is all I need. I know God, but I’d really like to have Caleb here. I am all you need. Though I don’t always live it, I know it in my head. And for today, that’s enough.

Happy birthday Caleb! We love you always!

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Near To Me

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“The Lord is near the brokenhearted; He saves those crushed in spirit.” Psalm 34:18

Tomorrow, February 24, marks two years since Caleb was born. A day that instantly changed my life. Instead of welcoming a son into our arms, we ushered him to heaven.

I wanted to do something special tomorrow to set aside the day remembering Caleb. But I wasn’t sure what to do. I thought maybe a birthday party, like I know many people do, and invite all of you. There’s certainly plenty to celebrate and thank God for what He has done in my life, and many others, over the last two years because of Caleb. But the truth is I’m still sad. Deep down inside me I know Caleb is in a better place, but selfishly, most of me would rather he be here with me.

I’ve realized the sadness doesn’t go away. It’s not always prevalent, but its always there. The loneliness, feeling like someone is missing. But I don’t want it any other way. Someone is missing. It’s right to feel like that.

I wondered if having Jack would make losing Caleb easier. In some ways, yes. Jack makes me an “official” mom, allowing me the role of mothering. But in many ways its harder. Everything I have with Jack are things I missed with Caleb. Hearing him laugh, discovering new sounds he can make, cuddling him to sleep, watching him outgrow clothes faster than I can buy them, seeing him smile.

In my sadness I am comforted that God is close to me. He is near to the brokenhearted. He understands the hurt and sadness, and He reminds me that I will see Caleb laugh and smile. In heaven. Until then I will be near to The Lord who is near to me. I will look to Him for strength when I’m weak. I will depend on His mercies being new every morning. I trust that He will continually turn my mourning into dancing and my weeping into rejoicing. He has been faithful to do this over the last two years. I can count on Him to always be faithful. Thank You Lord!

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