Tag Archives: travel

Advice For The Bride-To-Be

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Today we honored my sister-in-law at a bridal shower with family and friends as she prepares for her wedding in one month! The following is a speech I gave of my advice to her, and to any soon-to-be (or already) married woman.

We spend so much time focusing on the wedding day, that now we would like to take a few moments to help you prepare for a lifetime of marriage. Since I have been married for 5 years, I’m pretty much an expert and qualified to speak next.

“How to survive being married to a Chun” Oh wait, that’s my speech for Tom! Just kidding.

Stephanie I do have three pieces of advice for you as you begin your married life with Tom. In the Bible in Matthew 19 Jesus says “At the beginning the Creator ‘made them male and female,’ and said, ‘For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh’ So they are no longer two, but one flesh.” (Matt 19:4-6)

1. My first piece of advice is do everything together. There are enough things in your daily life that will pull you away from each other. You will spend at least 8 hours at work away from each other every day. Make a conscious effort to spend your time with Tom. This may mean taking an interest in things he likes, such as video games and cars. But eventually you will see him take an interest in things you like to do as well.

When Jeff and I were first married, we had already dated on and off for 8 years, so I thought I knew all there was to know about him. One day he started to tell me about mixed martial arts where you combine boxing and martial arts moves. He said there was a reality tv show called The Ultimate Fighter where guys compete to get a contract to fight professionally. As uninterested in this as I was, I decided I’d watch it with him anyway. We were just married and I was trying to spend time with him. Well it didn’t take long before the reality show aspect sucked me in. Soon I found myself understanding the sport, picking my favorite fighters, and telling Jeff when the next fight was that we needed to watch. His interest became my interest.

Doing things together for us has also meant traveling to incredible places. I would be content to sit on a beach in Florida but because Jeff wanted to, we’ve climbed Africa’s tallest mountain, kayaked in Thailand, and crawled through caves in Kentucky. I’m still requesting a vacation that does not require me training for, but I’m hoping that will come soon.

Jeff has also taken an interest in things I like. He is more of a loner, but I’d rather spend time with people. He once told me I was only allowed to have one party per year. Haha! I said “ok” and just stopped calling them “parties” and started saying we were having some friends over. Just last month for Jack’s first birthday party Jeff said, “Well if we’re going to have a party, it should be the best party ever!” He’s coming around.

“Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.” (Phil 4:6-7)

2. My second point is Pray don’t Nag. Wives seem to have a reputation for nagging their husbands: do this, don’t do that, change your attitude, change your clothes, etc. While it’s fine to kindly remind Tom to take the garbage out, when you want to see real lasting change in his life, it is crucial to pray. It may be hard to believe, but there will be times you are frustrated and angry with Tom. Instead of complaining or arguing or trying to convince him of your way, pray. By praying you are acknowledging that God is in control. He is the One who has the power to change Tom’s heart. But God also has the power to change your heart.

As you pray and ask God to change Tom, you may find you are the one changing. You will become more patient, kind, and forgiving of Tom as you realize that God has been patient, kind, and forgiving of you, just like He is with all of us.

Praying for Tom when you are upset is a great way to avoid some arguments. But it is also a great gift you can give him to pray for Tom everyday – pray about his work, his friends, his attitude, his faith, his marriage. This book, The Power of a Praying Wife is a great tool in giving you Bible verses and example prayers on a variety of topics to pray for Tom.

“Therefore what God has joined together, let no one separate.” (Matt 19:6)

3. In the world today you hear a lot about divorce. Billboards advertise divorce lawyers, TV & movies show divorced families like it’s no big deal, and the divorce rate is around 50%. But in your family and in Tom’s family marriage is honored. You and Tom are blessed with grandparents, aunts & uncles, siblings, and parents who are leaving a legacy of marriage. I made this frame with their names to remind you that you are not alone.

20130721-212955.jpgWhen hard times come, may this serve as a testimony of the commitment you have witnessed in your families. There will be challenges in your life together. Arguments you don’t know how to resolve, conflict you think won’t go away, disagreements you want to win. There may be sorrow. There may be hardships. But there will be joy. May this frame serve to remind you that you “are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders [every thought that says you might be better with someone else – set that aside] and the sin that so easily entangles. And run with perseverance this race [of marriage] marked out for you, fixing your eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of your faith.” (Hebrews 12:1-2) And may you continue to pass on the legacy of marriage to future generations.

Finally, Stephanie, may you remember that “Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails.” (1 Cor. 13:4-8)

Not What I Would Have Planned

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Last weekend we had plans to go to Lake Geneva for a race Jeff was running (as I wrote about yesterday). We were going to leave at noon on Friday and spend the afternoon introducing Jack to the swimming pool. However, no one seems to have created an app to sync my iPhone calendar with our home paper calendar, and thus we had a conflict.

My sister-in-law had given me tickets at Christmas to a concert Friday night. So Jeff and I decided we would go to the concert, come home, wake Jack up, and drive up to Lake Geneva late Friday night. We assumed Jack would just go back to sleep in the car. Instead, Jeff slept in the car and Jack talked to me while I drove.

It ended up working out though because the wake for my friend Heidi who died earlier in the week was Friday afternoon. Jeff had an appointment to get his car worked on, so I took Jack and met my mom and sister at the funeral home. We knew there would be quite a crowd so we got there almost when it began.

I’ve never seen anything quite like it… hundreds of people waiting in a line that weaved through the large funeral home, looking at pictures of Heidi with her family and friends as some of her favorite Fernando Ortega songs played. The vast crowd was surely a testimony to her life: friendly, caring, compassionate, joyful.

If it was any other concert, I would have skipped it. But it was Chris Tomlin. I have all of his albums and have never seen him in concert. He’s one of the best contemporary Christian song writers and worship leaders. So I rushed home after the wake and Jeff and I rushed to make it to the concert on time.

Going from a wake to a concert isn’t what I would have planned. But this wasn’t just a concert, it was truly focused on Jesus, worshipping him with thousands of people around. As the first song played, I knew I was right where I was supposed to be. Kari Jobe singing We Are – “Make the most of the time we have left, We are the light of the world… We gotta let the light shine”

That’s Why I Wear Socks!

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Even if you dated your spouse for a long time before you got married, there are still new things you learn once you’re married – about your spouse AND yourself. Most of these differences I discovered between Jeff and I led back to how we were raised. For example, I think its totally normal to eat “peanut butter bread” (bread with peanut butter on it) as a side to any pasta dish. That’s what we did in my family. (We are not Italian, in case that wasn’t obvious by the choice of peanut butter bread and not garlic bread).

One of the first “new things” I learned about Jeff was that he always wears socks in hotel rooms. Dingy hotels. Super nice hotels. It makes no difference. At home Jeff normally walks around barefoot. Despite my advice that the hotel floor probably gets cleaned more than our floors at home, Jeff insists on wearing socks at a hotel. I think its hilarious.

Last weekend we spent a night in Lake Geneva so Jeff could run the Gladiator Assault Challenge (you should read that with a low, growly, warrior voice). Jack and I went along so we could swim in the hotel pool. After dropping Jeff off at the race, a seven mile mud obstacle course on a ski slope, while it was 30 degrees and snowing – in April, Jack and I stopped at Target to pick up swim diapers because of course I forgot that the main purpose of our trip.

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Trying to wrangle a bathing suit on Jack, alone, is quite a challenge, which left me wondering how our swim was going to go. But we persevered and soon found ourselves at the pool with the elderly swim aerobics class. They must have been very focused on their water fitness because few of them even looked twice at Jack, let alone waved or smiled. Didn’t they see how cute he was in his little swim trunks?

Jack had fun splashing around but we only lasted about twenty minutes before realizing Jack really needed a nap. I wrapped a towel around him and tried to balance him on a chair while wrapping a towel around me and then decided I would just drip dry because I didn’t want to drop Jack on the floor. Especially while people were watching.

Back at our room I realized I should have turned the heat up before we left for the pool. I laid Jack on a towel on the floor, took his swim trunks and diaper off quickly so I could put him in warm clothes and get him in bed. It sounds so easy when you write it down. After Jack rolled over in this process several times, I basically sat on him to try to keep him still. Even that didn’t work. The boy is very strong.

Finally his wet clothes and diaper are off. But before I can get a new diaper on him, he rolls over twice, gets up on his hands and knees, and pees. Like a dog (except he didn’t lift his leg). It happened so fast there was no stopping it. No attempt was made at catching the pee.

I managed to get a diaper and clothes on Jack and put him in bed. When telling our adventure to Jeff he said “That’s why I wear socks!” Maybe wearing socks in hotel rooms is a smart idea…

Jeff crawling through mud under barbed wire at the Tough Mudder last summer

Jeff crawling through mud under barbed wire at the Tough Mudder last summer

I told Jeff I was blogging about this and asked if it was ok. His response: “Yes because not wearing socks in a hotel room is gross!” This coming from the same man who runs obstacle courses covered in mud while its freezing outside.

Shining in Darkness

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20130411-172241.jpg Have you ever been in complete darkness? I don’t mean spiritually or depression, I mean physically can’t see any light?

Amidst our world travels – Australia, Africa, Thailand – we’ve also been to Mammoth Cave Kentucky. The largest cave in the world. Far below the surface of the earth, Jeff and I crawled through tunnels and squeezed through tight spaces with only our headlights to light our way. While we were down there our guide had everyone turn their lights off just for a minute. Complete darkness.

It’s a little scary. I couldn’t see my hand in front of my face! But as soon as one light was turned on, I felt safe again. I could see everything around me.

Jesus says that we, as His followers, are the light of the world. He says “let your light shine before others, that they may see your good deeds and glorify your Father in heaven” (Matthew 5:16).

I’ve always wondered how to do that. Sometimes people compliment me for something I’ve done. But how do I get them to compliment God? How do I live in such a way so that I shine, giving glory to the Lord?

I think my friend Heidi was a great example of that. Today at Bible study our small groups combined to share stories and remember Heidi. Several people talked about how she was a light. Set apart. A special friend. Most of us knew while Heidi was living how special she was. But now that she’s in heaven we realize even more how great her impact on us. And we praise God for giving us such a light as an example.

“Whatever you have learned or received or heard from me, or seen in me—put it into practice. And the God of peace will be with you” (Philippians 4:9).

What have you learned – from Heidi or from other faithful leaders – that God is calling you to put into practice? How will you shine so that people see your good deeds and glorify God?

Lord may You show us the work You want to do in our lives to make us more like You. Help us to seek You with all our heart and mind. To hear Your voice comforting us and leading us. May You shine Your light through us to reach this dark world. In Jesus name we ask these things. Amen.