Dear Caleb,

Happy birthday! It’s already been one year since I held you in my arms, measuring your tiny feet against my fingers. Though I only knew you a short time, you have changed my life. I have a faith that’s been tested and survived, deeper compassion for others, and a desire that everyone know about you and the work God has done because of your life.

Part of me would (selfishly) still trade all of it to have you here. We would be getting ready for your birthday party. What would be the theme – trucks, trains, teddy bears? I’d be comparing notes with your aunt since your cousin is only a few weeks younger. You would love seeing all your grandparents because they sure love you. I’d have a scrapbook documenting your first year – crawling, steps, words, smiling and laughing.

Instead you get to party with the angels and I have a scrapbook of cards from your funeral. That doesn’t seem fair, Caleb. I wish I was with you!

Part of me wouldn’t change a thing. I know you’re in heaven, a much better place than this earth. I know God doesn’t make mistakes, or take people “too soon.” Your life, Caleb, has given me a voice to share God’s love and faithfulness with others.

You will always have a special place in my heart. From time to time I’ll wonder what we would be doing if you were here. I’ll think of you as I stumble through an answer when people ask if the baby I’m carrying now is my first – a surprisingly difficult question to answer. I’ll tell your little brother all about you. We wouldn’t have him if we hadn’t lost you.

Most of all Caleb, thank you for bringing me closer to God. Thank you for showing me that the Lord is always trustworthy and faithful, and that He walks with me everyday. I love you Caleb and I’m so thankful God gave you to us.

Love,
Mommy