Ready

First we bought a new washer and dryer. Then we got the baby furniture. Last night we bought the official Family Car. In many ways, Baby Boy, we are ready for you. As of today you have been with me for 36 weeks! Although the doctors never specifically said you’d come early, they seem very proud of themselves that you’ve been in the womb this long. Of course we know Who really gets the credit. Only one more week until the cerclage is removed and then you can come anytime.

As I said, in some ways I’m ready. Ready to put you in all the cute clothes we’ve received. Ready to use the jogging stroller. Ready to see how the carseat works in the new car. Ready to introduce you to all the people who have prayed for you.

But I’m not ready to watch you grow up too fast. It’s inevitable – every parent says it happens. I’m not ready for you to enter this world which is full of people who are mean and selfish. Where you could be best friends with a kid one day only to have them ignore you the next. I’m not ready for your heart to get broken by some girl, and therefore my heart be broken.

I wish I could protect you from the bad things, the heartbreaks, the loneliness. But I know it’s at these times in our lives – as children, teens, or adults – that we learn there is One who will never leave us. One who will love us completely. You don’t need me to protect you. As much as I love you, He loves you more. He formed you in my womb. He knows your name (even though Dad and I are still deciding). He knows the hairs on your head and the tears you will cry. He knows the good you’ll do and the wrong choices you’ll make, and He loves you anyway.

I won’t protect you from bad things, I can’t. But God will be with you every step of your life. He is the One you can always trust, always turn to. I will be right there next to you, helping you learn to rest in the One who has always held you in His arms.

You have searched me, Lord, and You know me. You know when I sit and when I rise… You are familiar with all my ways. Before a word is on my tongue, You, Lord, know it completely… Where can I flee from your presence? If I go up to the heavens, You are there; if I make my bed in the depths, You are there. If I rise on the wings of the dawn, if I settle on the far side of the sea, even there Your hand will guide me…

For you created my inmost being; You knit me together in my mother’s womb. I praise You because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; Your works are wonderful, I know that full well… all the days ordained for me were written in Your book before one of them came to be. How amazing are Your thoughts concerning me, God. How vast is the sum of them! Were I to count them, they would outnumber the grains of sand… Search me, God, and know my heart; test me and know my anxious thoughts. See if there is any offensive way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting. (Verses from Psalm 139)

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3 thoughts on “Ready

  1. Debbie!! Still praying – of course!! God is good. I’m so happy for the 36 week mark – you’ve made it far! I’m excited to get Kristi’s call with the good news. Hugs! -Kati

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