Jeff and I have been married for elevent years. We have had many adventures - Australia, New Zealand, Costa Rica, Thailand, and Tanzania, Africa where we climbed Mt. Kilimanjaro.
Our most recent adventure is children. This has been a journey of trusting God through challenging times and not letting go of hope. We have been pregnant four times: one premature birth and infant loss (read about Caleb's story), Jack which required 4 months of bedrest, one early miscarriage, and Parker which was another difficult pregnancy.
I hope as you read this blog your faith will be strengthened and you will understand that no matter what is happening in our lives, God is good, faithful, and worthy of our trust.
Today is Caleb’s 14th birthday, all of them celebrated in heaven, while we are stuck on earth without him in a mix of heart ache and sorrow. Certainly some things get better with time. Now I can (mostly*) control my emotions until I have time and privacy to cry. I can day dream about what life would look like with three boys instead of two. I can imagine what Caleb would be like and look like. I can share our story with others.
A few times this year I have been able to share with people about Caleb’s short life and how I survived his loss. A new neighbor, an old friend, a conference full of women, small groups and large groups at Bible study. Because I have so publicly shared our grief and God’s faithfulness, people ask me about Caleb often. When a friend of a friend loses a baby… When a neighbor’s sister has a miscarriage… When a friend’s co-worker has a still birth… I have the privilege to walk alongside them, to share my story, to share the hope I have that I will see Caleb again in heaven. I share about God’s love and faithfulness, that His peace filled me despite my devastation.
Now all these women are part of The Club. The Club you didn’t know existed until you were in it. The Club you never wanted to be part of. Moms who have lost babies. You realize that heartbreak isn’t just a saying, but a physical pain. Does it ever heal? Some days I’m still surprised by how quickly my grief can be triggered.
Earlier this year a friend of mine texted that she was at the hospital and had to deliver her baby a few weeks early. Even though her circumstances were different than mine, and her and the baby were expected to be healthy, I found myself sitting on the kitchen floor crying. I was so scared for her and the baby. I prayed that God would protect them and that everything would go well.
But then I also say “Why God… why does she get her baby and I didn’t get mine?” I see pictures of a preemie baby on Facebook … “God why couldn’t I make it a few more weeks? Then I’d have Caleb with me.” I really am grateful for every baby that gets to go home with their parents. I just wish I had mine too.
I don’t know the answer to why some moms get to take their babies home and some moms have empty arms. But I do know that sharing Caleb’s story has helped many women. I will always do my best to walk alongside the grieving, to show them God’s love, and to pray they find comfort and peace in Him like I have.
Happy 14th Birthday Caleb. I love you always!
*I wrote this while eating lunch at Jimmy John’s and definitely cried. But I’m ok with crying in public now.
This weekend I played guitar for the IF Gathering, a local women’s conference at church that featured some video speakers from the national conference, as well as featuring some local speakers. At 10pm on Friday night my sister who organized the event realized a couple people she had asked weren’t able to speak the next morning and there was a gap in the schedule.
I was standing there with the planning team when one said, “Debbie why don’t you share your story?” We all kind of laughed because it was such short notice. Except I’ve written so many different parts of it, I thought I could combine things if you want. About 11 hours later, I shared my story…
About 13 years ago I had some news for my husband, so I made him a special dinner. He walked in the door and I told him the menu. “Tonight we are having BABY back ribs, sweet BABY ray’s bbq sauce, and BABY carrots.” Jeff said “Oh that’s funny. All those things have “baby” in the name.” It took him a minute to figure out the news was that I was pregnant!
We were so excited for our first baby. We dreamed and planned … But halfway through the pregnancy our dreams came to a crushing end. I found myself being rushed to the hospital in an ambulance, doctors telling me that I’m already in labor and they can’t stop it. I would have to deliver our baby that night but he wouldn’t survive.
A range of emotions and thoughts filled our minds over the next few hours as we waited for labor to intensify. But our main focus was, we didn’t have a name for this baby. What do you name a baby who will go straight to heaven?
There was one bible story that kept coming to mind. It’s the story of Moses leading the Israelites out of slavery in Egypt. They had miraculously left Egypt, survived the plagues that God sent to Pharaoh and the Egyptian people, the Israelites crossed the Red Sea on dry ground as God parted the waters.. and now they’re in the desert where God miraculously provided manna for them. They were on their way to the Promised Land. It’s called “the Promised Land” because God promised to give this land to the Israelites. That simple.
Moses decides to send 12 men into the promised land to spy on it, to check it out and report back to the people what they find. These 12 men come back and say the land is amazing. It’s exactly how God promised – flowing with milk and honey, filled with the best fruits. BUT 10 men said there are giants living there. And we can’t beat them. The other 2 men said yes there are giants, but God is giving us this land. Let’s go! Those two men were Joshua and Caleb. Unfortunately the Israelites caved in to the fear that the 10 men had. They were afraid of the giants. They doubted God. And so God said that those people would not see the promised land. The entire generation would die, except for Joshua and Caleb.
They roamed around the wilderness, the desert for 40 years, waiting for that generation of Israelites to die. Then Joshua and Caleb, now in their 80s would lead the people into the promised land.
What does this story have to do with a baby? I knew there were going to be “giants” in my future. There would be fears about having children, trying to get pregnant again, losing another baby. I did not want to live in fear. I wanted to be like Joshua and Caleb who had faith in God. So I said to my husband, how about we name the baby Joshua? He said there was a Josh in kindergarten who punched him in the nose. So how about Caleb?
Naming our baby Caleb was a reminder – is still a reminder – to me to not give in to fear and worry, but to have faith in God. Because of Jesus, I have faith.
Caleb died at birth. We held his body all night. The next day we left the hospital without him and began planning his funeral. In the days and weeks and months that followed, the grief I experienced was unlike anything I had ever known. I would cry myself to sleep almost every night. I had always been a pretty stoic person, but after having Caleb, there was no filter on my emotions. I remember being at the grocery store when the checkout lady asked “how are you?” And I began tearing up “I’m not good…” My husband would be like “She’s not really asking to hear your story.” But I felt like I was an open book, like sorrow was written on my face.
What got me through these days was the Word of God. Thankfully I grew up going to church, in high school I made my faith my own, and in college I had begun reading the Bible every day. This foundation of faith saved me. In my time of sorrow and mourning, Bible verses came to my mind of God’s comfort, of God being with the broken-hearted, of God seeing every tear I cry, of God’s unfailing love. Despite the grief and the sorrow, I had peace. Because of Jesus, I have peace.
Baby Caleb
Several months later I got pregnant again. From the beginning, I was confident that everything was going to be fine. But halfway through the pregnancy, I began to have the same problems. Thankfully the doctors were able to do emergency surgery putting in a cerclage to keep the baby safe inside me. Except it meant I had to be on bed rest for the remainder of the pregnancy – 4 months flat on my back.
Those months of bed rest could have been filled with fear and worry and anxiety. Because of losing Caleb, I understood very clearly that bed rest meant life or death for this baby. There was nothing I could do, no money I could pay, no medicine to take to fix this situation. The only thing I could do was pray.
I happened to be reading in Mark at that time and came across 11:24 where Jesus is talking to his disciples about faith. Jesus says to them, “Whatever you ask for in prayer, believe that you HAVE received it, and it will be yours.” It really struck me to believe you have already received it, as if it was past-tense. So I prayed for a full-term baby. I started a blog and I asked friends and family to pray with us. At my weekly doctor appointments, they would measure everything and then say my goal was 24 weeks, then 26 weeks, then 28 weeks. And every time I would say, “no, I’ve prayed for a full-term baby and I believe God will give him to us.” I didn’t say this as a way to try to witness to my doctors. I said it because I needed to believe. I needed to keep reminding myself that because of Jesus, I have faith.
At 37 weeks a baby is considered full-term. My doctor removed the cerclage and I was no longer on bed rest. It was May so I was pulling weeds and doing yard work, so excited that I could finally do whatever I wanted. The doctors expected the baby would come any day. I knew my prayer was answered and expected the baby to come soon too. But at 40 weeks and 5 days I was induced! God did what only He could do. My doctors were great, medical advancements are great. But some things you know are only God. That healthy baby boy was my son Jack who is now 11 years old. I have another son, Parker, who is 8. Because of Jesus, I have faith.
Today I have a different kind of suffering. It has been 5 months since my last concussion. I have had 4 concussions in my life, but the last three were in less than two years from playing adult recreational indoor soccer. After 5 months I still have headaches, I still have some dizziness, I still have a lot of fatigue, I still have times of being irritable. I have times where I struggle to remember the words I want to say. Times when writing or reading or playing guitar are really challenging. I still see a physical therapist and an occupational therapist every week. Although I have made a lot of progress, I’m still in a period of suffering. At times I doubt and I struggle and I question, “is this my new normal?”
It’s hard to be suffering and still functional. It’s hard to be suffering and still take care of my kids – especially when they want to play soccer or football and I can’t run yet. It’s hard to be suffering and still take care of work and responsibilities, or my house, or my family. It’s hard to be suffering and have faith. It’s hard to be suffering and have peace.
Light and sound sensitive, so I wore a hat and sunglasses for months when leading music
But I look back and see what God has done in my life. I look back and I see the peace He gave me when I was grieving Caleb. I see the faith God gave me when I was on bedrest. And now I see the Hope. Because of Jesus I have hope that this isn’t the end of my story. Hope that fear is not my future and sickness is not my story. It’s not about a cure. Yes, I hope that one day I will be fully healed. But like Katherine Wolf said in her talk last night, it’s not about a cure, but about what God is doing in me now in this process to get to healing. Because of Jesus I have hope that His plan is better than my plans. Hope that He can work all things together for good. Hope that He can bring purpose to my pain. Because of Jesus I have hope.
Maybe you can relate to parts of my story. Maybe you have experienced miscarriage or infant loss or pregnancy challenges. Maybe you have walked through a health crisis. Maybe you’re walking through it now. Maybe the challenges you have faced have been a wayward child, a divorce, the loss of a career, the death of a parent… unfortunately we know difficulties will come.
But I hope like me that you have a foundation of faith to rest on. I hope that you will be able to keep your eyes fixed on Jesus, the author and perfector of our faith. That you would rest in God’s promise to mold us into becoming more like Him. That you would consider it pure joy when you face trials, knowing that the testing of our faith would produce perseverance.
Because of Jesus, I have peace.
Because of Jesus, I have faith.
Because of Jesus, I have hope.
Lets pray. Lord Jesus I thank you that you are the Giver of all good gifts. I thank you that you never leave us or forsake us. Thank you Lord for walking with us through life’s difficulties, for being our comfort. Thank you for giving us peace, faith and hope. In Jesus’ name, Amen.
When Caleb first died, I remember posting on social media about our loss. Friends would comment their condolences and express how heartbroken they were with me. But then I would see their posts of birthday parties or kids sports games or whatever fun they were having. “How can my world feel like it has ended and theirs just keeps going?” I would think.
As time went on, I realized my world hadn’t ended. But there are still days when grief hits so hard that I want everything else to stop. I want to be able to sit in the sadness and remember Caleb. I want to cry without the pressure of only having a few minutes. I want my world to stop so I can remember.
I’m writing this from a junior high gym filled with students playing different band instruments, warming up for their solo ensembles. And I don’t have Kleenex in my pocket.
Today is Caleb’s 13th birthday, each of them celebrated in heaven. In those 13 years, I’ve had two more children. One warming up for his solo ensemble. The other getting ready for his basketball game. My world keeps spinning.
This has been a week where I wanted everything to stop so I could have time to be sad. But yesterday was my best friend’s 40th birthday. Then last night I emceed our school’s fundraising dinner which I helped plan. These are things I love, people I want to celebrate, events I enjoy. Yet my heart sits in conflict between the grief of losing Caleb and the joys of today.
In the months after Caleb first died, I could not compartmentalize my emotions. The check out lady at the grocery store would say “hi how are you?” And I would tell her the truth, “I’m not good. My son just died.” She was not expecting that. Jeff would tell me, “just say ‘fine.’ People don’t really want to know all that.” But with me, what you saw was what you got. My emotions were so raw that I felt like you could look at me and tell my heart was broken.
I’m better at compartmentalizing now. But I don’t necessarily think that’s a good thing. I cried Sunday, Monday and Tuesday. Then I stopped. I stopped thinking about Caleb. I turned off my emotions. I let my world keep spinning so I could celebrate my best friend, so I could plan a fun event, so I could raise money for school, so I can be present at the band ensemble and basketball game. And I do enjoy it all.
I think Caleb would have enjoyed it too. He would have loved a golfing party with my friend. He’d support his brothers at their events and probably have his own too. We’d be planning a special dinner or party with his friends. I wish we had that.
I wish for a lot of things with Caleb. But I know he has the best in Heaven. Someday we’ll be together again. No tears, no pain, no heartache. No compartmentalizing emotions. Just joy.
I know I’m not the only non-blood relative who called her Granny, but it still felt special to be included in her family. I met Jeff’s grandmother sometime during the early years of Jeff and I dating in college. Jeff’s grandfather, Papa Jack, died in 2002 and Granny made the move from Chicago out to the suburbs to be closer to her only daughter and her three grandchildren. She quickly immersed herself in retiree clubs, befriended her neighbors, and made herself at home in a new community.
Stephanie, Granny, Rob, Debbie, Jeff, Pat, Jennifer
Granny was from a small town in the mountains of West Virginia. Her and Papa moved to Chicago when Pat (Jeff’s mom) was a newborn in hopes of finding better jobs. (Papa became a truck mechanic and Jeff inherited his tools. You should see the size of some of these wrenches!) In 2010, Jeff and I said we wanted to see Granny’s hometown, so of course Granny, Pat, Jeff and I turned it into a vacation. Granny drove the entire time! We might not be blood related, but we have that in common. Sitting in the passenger seat instead of behind the wheel was hard for me! Haha! We visited with family and friends, drove through the mountains, saw the New River Gorge Bridge and had a great time together.
Debbie, Jeff & Granny at New River Gorge in West Virginia
When Jeff and I had children, we knew our oldest would be named Jack, after Papa. When Jack was two years old we gave him a power wheels Jeep for Christmas. The first thing he did wasn’t sit in the seat, or honk the horn, or play the radio. The first thing little Jack did was open the hood to look at the engine. His Papa Jack would have been proud.
Granny was most happiest around her great grandchildren. While she didn’t often smile for pictures, if there’s a great grandchild on her lap, she was beaming. Granny would often come over to babysit the kids. When they were little, she would sit on the floor and play with them. She even crawled through the little play tunnels to chase them. As they grew, she would play games and talk to them about school and sports. It didn’t matter what they were doing, she was always happy to be with them, and likewise they were so happy to be with their Granny.
Jack, Granny, Ryan and Parker
Food might have been Granny’s love language. Every July 4th we would eat fried chicken at her house and walk to the nearby park for fireworks. Every birthday she would make her famous “Granny cake” – a yellow cake with chocolate fudge frosting, a recipe that better be in the family still! At Christmas she would make pastas and appetizers. I was always a fan of her deviled eggs. Whenever we would visit, she would pull out snacks she had collected and saved for the kids.
Granny passed away on January 15, 2024, just a month shy of her 93rd birthday. Up until the last couple years, she lived a healthy, active life. She was kind, humble, and loving. She worked hard, she served her family, she cared for those around her. All of my grandparents had died by the time I was 16. But a few years later I met Granny and became one of her grandchildren. I am so thankful for having her in my life for more than 20 years, and immeasurably grateful my children were blessed to know the love of their great grandmother.
Now we hope to follow Granny’s example of loving those around us. We will always treasure the memories we have with our loving Granny.
Granny with her grandchildren and great grandchildren in Hawaii 2021
On October 1, an opposing player collided with me during our indoor soccer game. She got called for a penalty, I scored the penalty kick, the game ended, and I quickly realized I was not ok. The headache and nausea set in as I drove home. Unfortunately, in the weeks that followed, I continued to have more symptoms: dizziness, disorientation, brain fog, fatigue, along with the headaches and nausea. Concussion.
A did have a CT scan which showed everything was normal. But since this was my 4th concussion I knew I needed to pursue more treatment options. I was able to see Dr. Reams, a sport concussion neurologist who works with professional athletes. I explained my concussion history: the first was almost 20 years ago with a constant migraine for 9 months. The following 3 concussions were all from indoor soccer in the last two years.
Long story short, I’m in physical therapy to help my eye tracking and balance issues. My headaches and nausea have gotten better. But just when I think I’m ok and do more regular activities, I end up in bed for hours with a debilitating migraine.
The pains of head injuries aren’t necessarily visible. It’s missing kids’ bedtimes because I fell asleep before them. It’s needing other people to make the school newsletter, or coach soccer practice, or plan music because my brain just doesn’t have the capacity to process everything. It’s choosing to be home alone instead of at the family party. It means not playing soccer: not this week, not next month, possibly never again.
While my doctor thinks I’ll make a full recovery, sometimes it’s still hard to be positive. I miss my soccer friends. I miss being active and accomplishing things. I miss being able to do things on my own without needing everyone’s help.
But I’m so thankful for the friends and family who have taken my kids for play dates, coached soccer, planned music, taken care of school stuff, done the yard work, and so much more!
If you see me with my hat, sunglasses, hood up and ear plugs in, you know it’s been a rough day. Hopefully I’ll keep having less of those days and more progress to full health. ❤️🙏🏼
Sometimes this is what grief looks like: laying in bed in the afternoon crying as I anticipate the anniversary of my first baby’s birth and death. Eleven years on Thursday.
Every year I write a blog post for Caleb’s birthday. I used to write much more frequently, but the last several years have been sporadic. But I always post on his birthday. It’s our thing. Except this year I don’t know what to write. What haven’t I already written?
What happens when the words don’t come? Is Caleb’s life any less meaningful? Does it mean the grief is easier to bear?
With two kids here at home, life can just get busy. We have plans to decorate some rocks and put them by Caleb’s grave. Possibly mini golf party with some friends. Pizza and milkshakes for dinner. Things we think an 11 year old boy would love.
But usually around this time, I just want to be alone and cry and think of what could have been. Yet at the same time, I don’t want to be alone. I want hugs and words from friends. I want reminders that Caleb was special to others. I want people to remember that our family has three boys, not just the two they see.
Thankfully I do have amazing family and friends who have grieved with me and comforted me. Friends who will stand with me these days but also give me space for whatever I’m feeling.
After 11 years of this, I know it tends to be the anticipation of Caleb’s birthday that is worse than the actual day. But for today I lean into the grief. I let myself cry and feel the sadness. I know because I’ve lived it for 11 years, “weeping my last for a night but joy comes in the morning” (Psalm 30:5).
I might not have more words this year on Caleb’s birthday. But there’s a lot from past years that are worth reading again 😊
Ok Part 1 was very detailed about our trip excursions, but I promise I’ll answer more of your RV questions at some point.
Badlands National Park
Badlands National Park: After hours and hours of flat South Dakota, all of a sudden there is this amazing terrain. Deep cavernous rock, tall boulders. It really does feel like you are on a different planet. We parked at the Visitor Center, always with an eye out for “RV Parking,” and saw a park ranger in the parking lot with a huge skull in his truck. He told us it was a bison skull they found in the wilderness area and had to hike one mile back with it. It weighed around 100 pounds!
After some bathroom breaks and water refills, we grabbed a trail map and headed back to the main trails we wanted to hike. RV Bathroom Tip: we tried not to use it. We had to get gas every 4-5 hours anyway, so most of the time we used gas station bathrooms. We hoped to only dump the tank of the toilet once. So as much as possible we did not use the RV bathroom.
Notch Trail
At the Badlands we hiked the Door, Window and Notch trails, and a prairie dog town. The Notch trail was longer and required climbing up (and down!) this wooden ladder. The scenery was always amazing!
After hiking at the Badlands, we drove about an hour and parked at a truck stop near Mt. Rushmore. Sleeping at truck stops is hit or miss. Sometimes its calm and quiet. Other times it is loud and bright. This night was windy but we didn’t even realize that until the morning when we walked into the truck stop to use the bathroom and get breakfast, and the wind was blowing us sideways! I’m not going to lie, I was not excited about driving the RV through this wind, especially knowing we had some twisty mountain roads ahead. Thankfully we left early enough that the roads were pretty empty. Every time the wind blew me into another lane, no one else was around. Yes, the wind blew me into other lanes. I had such a tight grip on the steering wheel that my hands hurt when we arrived. I have never experienced wind like this before!
The wind was no joke.
Mt. Rushmore: The trails were closed at Mt. Rushmore because of recent snow and ice, but we were still able to walk past all the state flags on the paved path. We took the obligatory pictures, marveled at the stone carving, and headed to the gift shop. I asked the park ranger about driving routes to Custer State Park, our next destination. She informed me that the RV was too big for the route I intended to take, and also that part of the highway was closed down due to overturned semi-trucks who got blown over in the wind. Yikes! We found a route, made our purchases of National Parks patches and coins, and got on the road again.
Begging Burros
Custer State Park: Custer has a road that goes through and around the park called the Wildlife Loop. We drove half of that slowly, while checking out the bison, more prairie dogs, bighorn sheep, pronghorn antelope, and the famous begging burros who come up to your car windows looking for food. We fed the burros slices of an apple and then supplemented with crackers to keep them around longer. We tried to alternate days in the trip with hiking and rest. So after hiking at Badlands, today was more restful driving through Custer. The kids loved seeing all the wildlife. Even though we saw hundreds of bison, it was still exciting to see more bison.
My husband is the photographer. Nothing gets in the way of a shot. Apparently the photogenic bison were on my side of the RV.
The Mammoth Site – how many mammoth bones can you find?
We detoured off the Wildlife Loop to check out Wind Cave National Park, which had just opened up their cave tours again, however we didn’t make it in time for that. We did a short hike on top of Wind Cave and read signs explaining the history. After a short time there, we ventured on to The Mammoth Site. Basically mammoth bones were discovered and a structure was built around it so visitors could see the mammoth bones in place. It is an active dig site and people were digging while we visited. Some bones they leave in place and others they take away for more research. They have found bones representing more than 60 mammoths! It was really a unique and amazing site to see.
Are you keeping track of all we did in just a few days? So far we are only two days into the trip and we have been to Badlands NP, Mt. Rushmore NP, Custer State Park, Wind Cave NP, and The Mammoth Site. Next up: back to Custer to climb a mountain!
If we are friends on social media, you have problem seen pictures from our recent spring break vacation where we rented an RV and drove to South Dakota and Colorado to visit several National Parks. People keep asking questions and wanting to know more, so here’s a little update starting with what it was like to drive an RV.
First, driving an RV feels complicated… not so much the “driving” part but everything else you need to know about it. Our introduction to the RV by the owners took an hour. I still had questions but hoped Jeff was paying attention. Ours was 32 feet long and 11 feet tall, which meant we were too big to drive through some of the tunnels and mountainous roads near Mt Rushmore. Thankfully we knew this BEFORE we tried to drive there. Driving an RV takes focus and planning. It is a huge vehicle!
Let the driving begin!
Second, driving an RV is slow… slower than cars or trucks. We had read online, and the owners recommended, that we stay around 60-65 miles per hour. Not a problem for the first hour that I was getting used to driving. But once I realized that we were going to barely – if at all – make it to my niece’s wedding (Stop #1), I started to push the speed. Driving to Wisconsin for my niece’s wedding was a normal drive that I’ve done hundreds of times. It usually takes around three hours – in a car. However, we left about 5 hours early just to be sure we had plenty of time to change into my dress and the guys’ suits when we got there.
Lunch break: McDonalds in the RV
We successfully made our first stop at a gas station and then grabbed McDonalds for lunch. Eating while driving seemed challenging, so I ate quickly and then hopped back in the driver’s seat. As we were getting closer, and the time of the wedding was approaching, Jeff decided he’d put his suit on so he was ready to help the boys. Thankfully we made it in time, parking in the street near the church. Driving on highways is no big deal. Driving through towns is much more challenging. You have to remember to take turns extra wide, watch the rear to not hit curbs, give other cars extra space, and hope that there’s somewhat of a decent place to park when you arrive.
Walking from the far end of the parking lot at the wedding reception. RV Parking requires a hike.
After the wedding, we changed into comfortable clothes, put the boys to sleep in the bunk beds, and headed west. The plan was to drive until I was tired and then find a truck stop to sleep for a few hours. Jeff decided he’d try to sleep while I was driving so he would be able to sleep later. There was a bedroom in the back with a queen size bed, just past the boys’ bunk beds and the bathroom. In front of that was a small kitchen, table & benches where we ate meals, and opposite that was a couch. Of course above the “cab” (driver’s seat) was also a bed and tv which was a fun place to hang out.
I went to sleep in Minnesota and woke up in South Dakota. Perfect!
South Dakota is so flat you can see for miles! Definitely saw more cows that cars.
Those first few hours of driving were difficult. It was dark, raining, sleeting, snowing, and icy. I made it about 4 hours before finding a truck stop in Minnesota to park and sleep. We parked from 12:30am to 3:30am when Jeff got up and drove us into Sioux Falls, South Dakota. Sleeping while the RV was moving was challenging. It wasn’t quite the same as the movement that puts babies to sleep in cars. More like trying to sleep through an earthquake and feeling like you’re going to fall out of bed. In fact, after that first night, neither child wanted to sleep in the top bunk if the RV was moving. I woke up at 7:30 in South Dakota and took over the driving while Jeff slept. After hours and hours of flat South Dakota, we finally arrived at the Badlands National Park.
What were the boys – ages 8 and 5 – doing during this time? Mostly watching movies and playing games on their Kindle Fires. They are good travelers and didn’t mind all the hours driving. It was definitely more fun in an RV!
First Stop: my niece’s Wedding! By far this was the best we looked all week, and the cleanest! Haha!
More to come! Next up: exploring the Badlands, Mt. Rushmore, Wind Cave, The Mammoth Site, Custer State Park, climbing a mountain, and Garden of the Gods.
Since it is still our anniversary month, I’ll sneak in another memorable wedding post. If you missed my first one, go back and check out that story.
Jeff and I at the wedding
My cousin Erik was getting married in the summer of 2006. I drove from Wisconsin, picked up Jeff in the Chicago area (we were dating at the time) and we made our way to Ohio, where the bride was from, to join the rest of my family for the wedding. Erik and I are the same age and grew up together, and I became friends with his wife, so I had the honor of being a bridesmaid in the wedding. I think it was my third time being a bridesmaid in 2006 and each dress was a similar style but different color. Erik & Mandy’s summer wedding was a lovely yellow.
Family weddings out of town are always fun when you stay in the same hotel. My sister and I shared a room, while Jeff and my brother shared another room. Cousins, aunts and uncles, my parents, and my sister and her family were all there as well, so I’m sure we had late night talks in the hallways and laughed too loud for the people in the hotel not related to us. Sorry!
Jeff being a good boyfriend by holding my purse and saving some sodas for our drive home. I’m pretty sure my uncle told us to take them.
The rehearsal and rehearsal dinner went great. Everyone was having a wonderful time. Then the morning of the wedding came. The power in the hotel went out, which meant some people had trouble with their alarm clocks and were almost late to the wedding.
But the first issue I remember, is Erik knocking on my hotel room door asking if I have any CDs. Yes, this was way back when we had music on compact discs and not on our phones, or even easily accessible on the internet. The DJ and his wife had just divorced and the wife took all their music. Not only was this his first wedding since the divorce, but he didn’t have much music to play. Thankfully, since I had road tripped from Wisconsin, I had brought my entire CD collection. I wish I had a picture of this, but imagine the big black leather cases with pages of CDs inserted. I had 4 cases.
With the music issues mostly handled, I moved on through hair and makeup and I was ready and at the church. Now I have one thing I do in every wedding that I get to stand up in. I privately ask the bride and/or groom if they’re sure. I remember asking Erik, since he is my cousin, “Are you sure you want to marry Mandy?” He smiled and said he was positive. Then I asked Mandy. She looked at me like I was trying to break up the wedding. “Hey, I’m sure if you’re sure,” I told her. Mandy said she was positive she wanted to marry Erik. Great! Let’s get going.
Notice the seam popping open
The ceremony is a success and next we have pictures. I realize that my dress seems to have popped at the seam on the side. These bridesmaid dresses are always pretty but not the best quality. It wasn’t a hole all the way to my skin, but the seam popped enough that it was visible. I pulled the pin out of my flowers and used it to hold the dress together enough for pictures.
We had a few hours between the ceremony and reception so I changed out of the dress back at the hotel, and Jeff and I went on a search for a sewing kit. No one seemed to have any. Finally we found a dry cleaner. “Do you have a sewing kit we can buy? Or can you fix this dress really quickly?” The nice lady had nothing at her store to help us, but then remembered her personal sewing kit in her purse. She graciously gave it to us. Jeff sewed my dress back at the hotel (I have no sewing skills) and we were off to the reception.
The reception was fun. But the recently-divorced DJ drank too much, and let everyone make a speech. As he held the microphone out for me, I looked at my cousin thinking “Are you sure you want me to do this? I have a lot of embarrassing stories about you I could share.” He gave me the go-ahead-nod, so I did share one embarrassing story but that’ll have to wait for another blog post.
It was a wonderful, memorable wedding. Happy (almost) 15 years Erik & Mandy!
Today Jeff and I celebrate our 13th wedding anniversary. Feels like just yesterday, until I start looking through pictures and see how much my nieces and nephews aged. My niece, who was a flower girl in my wedding, is getting married in just a few weeks! We had a virtual bridal shower for her yesterday and recalled a few funny wedding stories. In honor of our wedding anniversary today, I thought I’d share some memorable wedding moments Jeff and I have had together.
The first was in 2004. My best friend from high school was getting married in the Chicago area. I was a bridesmaid in the wedding, but I lived in Wisconsin and I was taking high school kids to Young Life camp the week before the wedding. Eventually we figured out that I could hitch a ride with a Young Life group from Michigan who would take me from camp in Minnesota and drop me off *sometime* and *somewhere* in the Chicago area. Jeff would pick me up and take me to my parents’ house. To make matters more complicated, I was still suffering from a bad concussion and head injury. And it turns out, taking high school kids to a week long camp of fun and adventure is not the best mix with a head injury.
Me half asleep as all the bridesmaids are getting ready for the wedding.
My fellow Young Life leaders carried me onto the bus at camp because I couldn’t walk on my own. Hesitant to leave me with strangers, they made sure to tell the other leaders to take good care of me. Our bus departed only to run into more complications. Some mechanical malfunction sidelined our bus for hours until a second bus was able to pick us up. This delay meant that instead of arriving in Chicago around 8pm, I was going to arrive at 1am. Thankfully Jeff didn’t care and still drove to pick me up. Note: Jeff and I were NOT even dating at the time.
Jeff picks me up. I warn him that I couldn’t walk myself onto the bus and he may need to carry me. We manage. He takes me to my parents’ house where I fall into bed exhausted and trying to get a few hours of sleep before I have to get up, get my hair and make up done, and manage to walk down the aisle.
Jeff and I at the wedding
Thankfully the next morning I was feeling much better. I did tell another bridesmaid friend about my walking issues, but I kept that a secret from the bride. Certainly brides don’t need to worry about their bridesmaids on their special day. The wedding was beautiful, I made it down the aisle without difficulty, and we enjoyed celebrating my friend.
I have more memorable wedding moments to share, but I got caught up looking at old pictures and now I’m out of time to write more. Stay tuned!
Debbie Chun 