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About Debbie

Jeff and I have been married for elevent years. We have had many adventures - Australia, New Zealand, Costa Rica, Thailand, and Tanzania, Africa where we climbed Mt. Kilimanjaro. Our most recent adventure is children. This has been a journey of trusting God through challenging times and not letting go of hope. We have been pregnant four times: one premature birth and infant loss (read about Caleb's story), Jack which required 4 months of bedrest, one early miscarriage, and Parker which was another difficult pregnancy. I hope as you read this blog your faith will be strengthened and you will understand that no matter what is happening in our lives, God is good, faithful, and worthy of our trust.

Near To Me

“The Lord is near the brokenhearted; He saves those crushed in spirit.” Psalm 34:18

Tomorrow, February 24, marks two years since Caleb was born. A day that instantly changed my life. Instead of welcoming a son into our arms, we ushered him to heaven.

I wanted to do something special tomorrow to set aside the day remembering Caleb. But I wasn’t sure what to do. I thought maybe a birthday party, like I know many people do, and invite all of you. There’s certainly plenty to celebrate and thank God for what He has done in my life, and many others, over the last two years because of Caleb. But the truth is I’m still sad. Deep down inside me I know Caleb is in a better place, but selfishly, most of me would rather he be here with me.

I’ve realized the sadness doesn’t go away. It’s not always prevalent, but its always there. The loneliness, feeling like someone is missing. But I don’t want it any other way. Someone is missing. It’s right to feel like that.

I wondered if having Jack would make losing Caleb easier. In some ways, yes. Jack makes me an “official” mom, allowing me the role of mothering. But in many ways its harder. Everything I have with Jack are things I missed with Caleb. Hearing him laugh, discovering new sounds he can make, cuddling him to sleep, watching him outgrow clothes faster than I can buy them, seeing him smile.

In my sadness I am comforted that God is close to me. He is near to the brokenhearted. He understands the hurt and sadness, and He reminds me that I will see Caleb laugh and smile. In heaven. Until then I will be near to The Lord who is near to me. I will look to Him for strength when I’m weak. I will depend on His mercies being new every morning. I trust that He will continually turn my mourning into dancing and my weeping into rejoicing. He has been faithful to do this over the last two years. I can count on Him to always be faithful. Thank You Lord!

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Tis So Sweet

Almost two years ago I stood in the church I grew up in. The church where I played Mary in the Christmas pageant. Where I taught Sunday school to children. Where I played guitar. But this day I stood in the front row with a small shoebox-size coffin in front of me. It was my son’s funeral.

Caleb passed from my womb to heaven. I held his body in my arms, but his soul was already with Jesus.

Now in the church we stand to sing the hymns I have chosen: Tis So Sweet To Trust In Jesus and Great Is Thy Faithfulness.

Tis so sweet to trust in Jesus / Just to take Him at His word. My heart sings but my lips are silent as my tears pour forth. Oh for grace to trust You more. Even as the words are sung I know this will be my anthem. My prayer.

Today, how things have changed… or have they? I stand, not in church, but in the baby’s room, holding my second son Jack, singing him to sleep. Jesus, Jesus how I trust You, how I’ve proved You o’er and o’er. My heart sings, my lips sing. Sometimes my eyes water as I remember. It’s not an easy journey to trust God. But it’s a journey of blessings with a faithful, loving God. Jesus, Jesus, precious Jesus, oh for grace to trust You more.

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Wonderful Counselor

“For to us a Child is born, to us a Son is given; and the government shall be upon His shoulder, and His name shall be called Wonderful Counselor, Mighty God, Everlasting Father, Prince of Peace. (Isaiah 9:6)”

The Lord is a wonderful counselor. The best counselor. Even though I know it’s true and have experienced it, my first reaction is often to turn to friends or family for “counseling.” Something happens to upset or frustrate me, or advice I need, and I want an immediate answer. A lot of the time I don’t get an immediate answer from God but I know I will get an immediate response if I pick up the phone and call a friend. That’s the challenge: waiting for God.

Waiting for His reassurance, His words, His comfort. Not that it’s wrong to ask friends and family, but when I go to them before God I feel like I’m robbing myself of a closer relationship with the Lord. He longs to be my closest friend and its up to me to turn to Him. It’s up to me to learn how God is and will be my Wonderful Counselor.

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Put Your Arms In The Sleevies

Please tell me I’m not the only one who makes up songs to sing to my child. I’ve realized this trait was passed on from my mom who sings about anything. My sisters have followed her footsteps with their own children. Sometimes I sing songs about how much I love Jack and how everyone else loves Jack. But frequently the songs are more practical do-what-I’m-singing songs. Here are a few favorites (think Broadway musical styles):

Put your arms in the sleevies / Before you chew your hands

Legs down / Stretch ’em out / While I put your diaper on

There are other songs, but these have been the most necessary and therefore the most repeated. Of course somewhere in the songs are lines about Jack being the cutest boy ever and how much his mama loves him (Ma-ma, say ma-ma).

Anyone else have some classic made up song lines?

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Morning or Night?

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Are you a morning person or a night person? I wonder what qualifies someone as a morning person. I like the morning… the quiet before everyone is awake and life is busy, the sunrise, the birds chirping. It’s just that I rarely experience this.

This was a question in our premarital counseling many years ago. Before I could announce I had selected “morning person” for myself, Jeff said “I’m not sure what you are, but you’re definitely NOT a morning person.” The truth is I’m famous for my sleeping abilities.

In college I tried to become a morning person by scheduling all my classes at 8am. I loved it! I still hit snooze multiple times in my sleep (and once fell asleep standing up next to my alarm, which resulted in crashing into the chair, fridge, and desk, before landing on the floor with a few bruises), but I liked being up in the morning. When I worked at Copper Rock Coffee I had the open shift at 5:30am. Even more recently at A&M Partnership I chose to rearrange my hours to avoid traffic so I started at 7:30am, an hour before anyone else got to the office!

But probably no one who knows me would describe me as a morning person. Is it because I can hit the snooze button in my sleep every 9 minutes for an hour, even if the alarm is across the room requiring me to get out of bed? Or because, as any roommate of mine can attest to, I don’t talk for at least the first hour of being awake, and when I do talk I sound like Barry White? Or because I make poor decisions in the morning (shower or sleep? Breakfast or sleep? Do my hair or pony tail and sleep? Sleep always wins). Whatever the reasons, the world forces us to be morning people, unless you’re a rock star.

Unfortunately, I think I’ve passed on my sleeping qualities to Jack. He’s been known to sleep until 10am, often right next to me, cuddling in my bed. I had to wake him up the other day so I could hang out with my friend for a play date. I scooped him up out of bed and laid him on the changing table to get him ready. And he gave me that look. That look that says:

Why is it so bright in here? Did you have to turn the light on?
Haven’t you heard the experts say “never wake a sleeping baby?”
Mom, didn’t you see how cute I was sleeping, especially in your big bed with the covers pulled up around my waist?

I got a glimpse of the future. “Jack, wake up! Time for school. Jack! Jack! Wake up!” It sounds all too familiar, my mom is thinking as she reads this, because it’s exactly what I would hear (and ignore for as long as possible) every morning.

Well Jack, we’ll get through this morning thing together. Maybe once in a while we’ll even sleep in and I’ll just call the school and tell them you’ll be late. Just don’t tell Daddy.

PS – I’m not a night person either. Mid-day is pretty good for me.

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Judging a Book By Its Cover

I’m ready for my soccer game. My team is red, which means I just need to wear a red t-shirt. Not a problem for me. My favorite color is red. In addition to my red t-shirt, I have on red socks, red shorts, and a red fleece. It’s times like these where I say to myself, It’s ok to buy things that aren’t red.

Have you ever judged a book by its cover? Have you made an assumption about who someone is before you even got to know them?

I was reading about that in the Bible. God was showing Samuel who should be chosen as king. Samuel looked at the tallest, good looking men. “But the LORD said to Samuel, “Do not look on his appearance or on the height of his stature, because I have rejected him. For the LORD sees not as man sees: man looks on the outward appearance, but the LORD looks on the heart.” 1 Samuel 16:7

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Secret Stash

Last weekend I had an Arbonne Spa Party at my house. [If you’re unfamiliar with Arbonne they have great all natural skin care products. My favorite are the lotions. Order products or host your own spa party through my sister Cathy]

As the party ended I was handing out cupcakes, cookies, and cake for people to take home since they hadn’t eaten enough during the party. I was packing some angel food cake for my cousin (who shall remain nameless to protect her identity) and I asked her if she wanted some chocolate chip cookies too.

“That’s ok. I already stashed some in my purse,” she whispered. The few of us who were there started laughing.

“You didn’t have to secretly stash them in your purse,” I said through my laughter. “I’m happy to share them with you!” I threw a few more cookies in the bag so she could share with her husband.

Have you ever done that? Really loved something that you just had to take some home? You could ask the host, but what if they say no? Then if you stashed some in your purse you’d really feel guilty. But if you didn’t ask and took a few then it’s like taking your share at the party but saving them for later.

I mostly thought this was hilarious and didn’t want Kri… uh I mean my “nameless cousin,” to get away without people hearing the story. But here’s a spiritual parallel:

You don’t have to be afraid to ask Jesus. He says ask and you will receive. He says, if you lack wisdom ask for it and He will give it to you. Just like a parent loves their children and will give them what they want. Or like I love my cousin and will give her my cookies. Except Jesus’s love for us is so much BIGGER.

“And I pray that you… may have power… to grasp how wide and long and high and deep is the love of Christ.” Ephesians 3:17-18

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Praying In Faith

This is the true story I shared at Bended Knee Ministries’ Women’s Retreat

One day I had some special news to share with my husband, Jeff. I was trying to think of a creative way to tell him, so I made a special dinner. Jeff came home and I began to tell him the menu for dinner.

“Tonight we’re having BABY back ribs, with Sweet BABY Ray’s BBQ sauce, and BABY carrots.”

“Sounds good,” Jeff said.

“Umm… did you notice a theme,” I asked.

“Yeah they all have ‘baby’ in them… OH! Are you pregnant??”

As we ate dinner, the excitement of the new life inside me began to grow. We wondered if it was a boy or girl? Will it look like me or you? We were very excited and knew our families would be excited too.

Unfortunately the excitement turned to sadness. At 19 weeks pregnant, we had some complications and found ourselves in the hospital. I had gone into labor prematurely. I would have to deliver the baby that day. But he wouldn’t survive.

A few hours later, on February 24, 2011, I delivered a precious little baby boy who we named Caleb. In the Bible, Caleb was one of the men Moses sent in to spy on the promised land. Ten of the men came back saying the land is great, but there are giants who live there and we could never beat them. But Joshua and Caleb disagreed. Yes the land is great, it’s all that God promised, but the giants aren’t too much for us. God has given us the land. Let’s go and take possession of it. But the people were afraid and didn’t trust God to give them the land. Because of their disobedience, God said the entire generation would pass away and not see the promised land – except Joshua and Caleb.

Caleb was described as “whole-heartedly following the Lord.” Jeff and I chose to name the baby Caleb to remind ourselves to whole-heartedly follow the Lord. We knew there would be “giants” in front of us – fears that would be easy to succumb to. But instead of fearing or running from God, we needed to trust Him.

Instead of picking out baby furniture for the nursery, we were picking out cemetary plots and planning a funeral. As we mourned our son we mourned our dreams. Would we ever have a baby to watch grow? What would it even be like to be pregnant again? How would I be pregnant and not be afraid about something going wrong?

Over the next few months we felt God’s peace and strength as He was healing our broken hearts. About six months after Caleb died we found out I was pregnant again. Instead of the fear I anticipated, I truly felt joyful. I had new doctors. I would be seeing a specialist. I would have ultrasounds every two weeks and shots that were supposed to prevent premature labor. But on top of that, I really felt a confidence from God that everything was going to be fine.

And everything was going really well until a routine ultrasound appointment at 21 weeks showed that my cervix has shortened. A normal cervix in pregnancy is at least 2.5 centimeters. Every ultrasound I had, my cervix measured 3.5 centimeters, which is really good! But at that appointment, as soon as the image came on the screen, I knew something was wrong. Instead of 3.5cm, my cervix measured only 0.4cm. In order to prevent labor, I would need an emergency cerclage, which is a stitch to keep the cervix closed. I underwent the surgery that afternoon.

Even with the cerclage, the risk of going into labor prematurely was high. I would have to be on strict bed rest for the remainder of the pregnancy which was 3 ½ months.

In the beginning when I had that confidence that everything was going to be fine, I thought everything was going to be fine. I wasn’t expecting emergency surgery, or that the life of the baby depended on my ability to stay laying down for three months. My confidence was a little shaken. So just like after Caleb died, I turned to the Bible. As I was reading I found this verse in Mark where Jesus is talking to the disciples about faith. Jesus is telling them if they have faith they can move mountains. In Mark 11:24 Jesus says, “Whatever you ask for in prayer, believe that you have received it, and it will be yours.”

I thought ok… whatever I ask for, believe I have received it, and God will give it to me. So I prayed, “Lord please give me a full-term healthy baby. I believe you’re going to do it and I trust You.”

I had prayed for a full-term baby, I believed God was going to give him to me, so I needed to act on my belief. I would go to doctors appointments and they would tell me my goal was to get to 28 weeks. I said, no, we’re going full-term. We’d make it to 28 and they would say, now the goal is 30 or 32. And I would tell them, I’ve prayed for a full-term baby and I believe that is what God is going to give us. My goal is full-term.

Bed rest meant laying down. I was allowed to get up to go to the bathroom and i could drive myself to doctors appointments every week. After going to the doctors appointments I figured a quick stop through the Starbucks drive thru would be ok. I became very familiar with all my drive thru options on bed rest. But bed rest also meant not going to church and not going to bible study. I knew I needed to be intentional about having spiritual lessons in my life. I would watch sermons on video, do video bible studies. One Sunday morning a friend even came over in her sweat pants and laid in bed with me so we could watch church together. At times it was hard not having spiritual fellowship with others. So I started a blog to write about my faith and what was happening in the pregnancy.

Through the blog and email and facebook, I asked friends and family to pray with us for a full-term baby and believe that God will answer our prayers. There were hundreds of people praying with us. Many of you in this room were praying for us.

Acting in faith for my prayer wasn’t always easy. My sisters wanted to throw me a baby shower, which was very nice. I was hesitant as we started to make plans. I knew I would need to register for baby things, which I could do online while on bed rest, but I was nervous. What if I get all these baby clothes and toys and furniture, but end up not having a baby to bring home? I would catch myself thinking like this, and be reminded – I’ve prayed for a full-term baby, I believe God is going to answer my prayer, I need to live like there’s going to be a baby at the end of this pregnancy. I finally started to register for baby things and as soon as I did I felt more confident. The more I acted in faith on my prayer, the more my faith grew.

When you have a story like mine, you get connected with other people who have similar stories. A friend of a friend mentioned they know a girl in Idaho who was also on bed rest and the doctors thought the baby was going to be born prematurely. So I found her on facebook and wrote her a message. I didn’t know if she was a Christian or Buddist or Atheist or anything. But I wanted to share with her my verse. I wanted her to know that whatever she asks for in prayer, if she believes that she will receive it, then it will be hers. As I started to write it though I was scared again. What if God doesn’t answer her prayer? What if it doesn’t work for her? But I realized I don’t have to defend God. This is what He says in the Bible. If I believe it to be true for me, then it would be true for her or for anyone else who prays in faith. I shared the verse with her and she began praying for a full-term baby also.

Well the weeks of bed rest went on and I was receiving mostly positive reports from my doctors. My cervix had increased back to 3.5cm which was really good. One week, though, the measurement decreased to 2cm. This wasn’t surprising to my doctors. But it surprised me. It was easy to keep believing that a full-term baby was going to happen as long as everything was going well. But when I had not-so-positive reports at the doctor I was forced to re-examine my faith and trust in God. It also gave me great opportunities to share my faith with the doctors. When I went for my next appointment my cervix measured 3.5cm again! My doctor said she had no medical reason for how that happened. I told her God was teaching me to trust Him and choose faith instead of fear. I never was able to get into much detail about my faith with the doctors, but I would tell them every week that a lot of people were praying for us and God was responsible for how well things were going.

Babies are actually considered full-term at 37 weeks, so at 37 weeks the cerclage was removed. Some women go into labor immediately and some it takes a few days. I figured at this point my prayer had been answered – I had made it to the full-term mark, so the baby could come anytime. But it crossed my mind that the baby might come late – proof that it wasn’t the shots, or the cerclage, or the bed rest, or the doctors that kept the baby inside me. But that God was the One responsible!

At 40 weeks and 5 days, I was INDUCED! It is rare for anyone with an emergency cerclage to even make it to their due date let alone be induced. 4 weeks past the latest the doctors thought I’d make it. 4 weeks without a cerclage. 4 weeks not on bed rest, but sitting up and walking around! 4 weeks that showed God is in control!

On June 1, 2012 I gave birth to a beautiful little boy, Jackson Archer Chun. Jack was Full-term and healthy. All of our prayers had been answered. The doctors were amazed that I went full-term and that labor had to be induced. I told them, you’ve done a great job and I’m very thankful for all your medical expertise, but God gets all the glory for this one. He has heard our prayers and He has answered.

Whatever you ask for in prayer, believe that you have received it, and it will be yours. Mark 11:24

A Day is Like A Thousand Years

The Bible says a day is like a thousand years to God, or a thousand years is like a day. I was reminded of that this morning at my Moms group. A physical therapist came to talk about exercises and stretches moms can do to help their bodies get back to normal. So I asked what to expect after being on bed rest.

She said, “One day of bed rest requires one week of recovery.” She might as well have told me it’ll take a thousand years!

I am playing soccer in 4 days. I told my team to have low expectations. And then lower them some more. Little by little I’ll get back to normal. Hopefully it won’t take a thousand years (or even 115 weeks like the physical therapist’s schedule).

It’s the little part I don’t like. Two years ago I was at the top of Kilimanjaro. A feat that took 9 months of training. Throughout this blog, we’ve compared bed rest to Kilimanjaro and Kilimanjaro has always been harder. Not any more.

Unfortunately, I’m not a delayed gratification kind-of-person. I want to see results now, or even yesterday. I suppose most of our society is like that which is why magazines and tv commercials are filled with “10 easy steps,” “3 ways to a better…,” etc.

But I’m reminded that the things we work hardest for in life tend to be the most meaningful. No pain, no gain. What’s the point of winning the victory if you didn’t fight a hard battle.

“For physical training is of some value, but godliness has value for all things, holding promise for both the present life and the life to come.” 1 Timothy 4:8

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Only Two Roads

There are only two roads in life: the narrow road that leads to heaven or the wide road that leads to destruction. Which road are you on? Which road do you want to be on?

I listened to a message on the radio today by Pastor James MacDonald about Walking in the Light. I really enjoyed it. I wish I could have written down what he was saying, but I was driving. I wish I had more time to write about what he said, but I don’t today and I don’t want to forget. So take 20 minutes and listen to the message. Let me know what you think!

Go to: http://www.jamesmacdonald.com/
Click “Listen” below Today’s Broadcast

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