The Grass is Greener

The grass is greener… Here. Have you seen my yard? Greener, thicker, taller. It has been growing like crazy. My dad, brother-in-law, and I usually share fertilizing methods. This year my brother-in-law bought a new spreader. So my dad borrowed it and used it to fertilize my yard a few weeks ago.

In the beginning you could see light green rows where the grass wasn’t as tall or thick. Those were actually sections where the spreader missed so they didn’t get the fertilizer. I’m kind of glad some small areas were missed because then we were able to see how well the fertilizer was working. It grows so fast now that the yard should be mowed every 3-4 days (but Jeff only mows every 7 days… sorry neighbors!).

This blog post is not sponsored by the fertilizing company. I don’t even remember which brand we used. I think it’s a good illustration of our lives. The old adage says “the grass is greener on the other side.” Meaning no matter the situation you’re in, it’s easy to look around and think other people have it better than you. You may start to wish for a different job, your neighbor’s house, your friend’s spouse or kids. You don’t need a genie in a bottle to grant those wishes – or for those thoughts to even leave your head – to realize their devastating affects in your life.

Wishing and wondering about what life would be like if you had (fill in the blank) only leads to discontentment, envy, and jealousy. Even if you don’t speak the words, the thoughts themselves become apparent as your attitude with your own life becomes negative.

Too often people look over the fence, decide they could have a better life with that person, and leave… Only to find themselves looking over another fence months or years down the road. Our culture has viewed marriage as just a piece of paper instead of the sacred lifelong commitment it is. The easy way out is to leave, but often the harder, more challenging, and more rewarding choice is to stay and work things out.

I’m grateful Jeff and I have a heritage of committed marriages to learn from and pass on to future generations. Although we did discover recently that on Jeff’s Chinese side a great great grandfather actually had a wife and a concubine. To what degree the wife knew about the concubine I don’t know. The man had children with both women but then the concubine died. What do you think happened to her kids? The wife raised them as her own children. That takes forgiveness. That takes an attitude of “the grass is greener here.”

Whenever you’re tempted to start wishing for a different life – in marriage or work or anything – choose instead to see the grass is greener here.

“Whatever is true, noble, right, pure, lovely, admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things” (Philippians 4:8).

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Awestruck

“When I look at Your heavens, the work of Your fingers, the moon and the stars, which You have set in place, what is man that You are mindful of him, and the son of man that You care for him?” Psalm 8:3-4

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The first night on Mt Kilimanjaro amazed me. During the night I got out of the tent to go to the bathroom, put on my headlight and shoes, unzipped the tent door, and stepped outside. Awestruck. I stared into the sky, marveling at how many stars there were and how bright they were. I certainly didn’t need my headlight on. In fact the need to go to the bathroom almost left. I’ve been to a lot of places in the middle of nowhere and seen a lot of stars – Iowa cornfields, Wisconsin farms, Wyoming mountains. But all of those stars I’ve ever seen in my life -added together – didn’t come close to the number of stars I saw that first night on Kilimanjaro.

I’m amazed that the God who created the universe, put each of these stars in their place, and calls them all by name… He knows me. He thinks about me. He hears me when I call to Him. He loves me.

Yesterday I had the cerclage removed. I was a little nervous about how painful it might be. It was uncomfortable but not super painful. As I waited for the doctor, I read through the first few Psalms. Every time I read Psalm 8 I think specifically about Africa, the stars, the animals, God’s amazing creation, yet He knows even me and hears me when I call.

I am officially off of bed rest. No restrictions on my activities! As I slowly regain some strength, I’m running errands and organizing things around the house. We are excitedly awaiting the arrival of Baby Chun. We can’t wait to meet this little guy and introduce him to all of you who have been praying for us on this journey. Thank you for trusting with us that the Lord of all creation hears our prayers.

Fear and Faith

After having Caleb, when I would think about being pregnant again, what concerned me most was being scared and nervous all the time. I couldn’t imagine having the normal pregnancy joy because I thought I’d be so anxious wondering if the baby was ok. But from the moment I thought I was pregnant, I was filled with joy and excitement. I knew those feelings were really a gift from God.

Throughout the pregnancy the days I’ve been fearful and worried have been few. By God’s grace I’ve been able to rest in the confidence He’s given me that everything is going to be ok.

Tomorrow I will have completed 37 weeks. Even now, being in the 37th week, I’m considered full-term. What an amazing gift and testimony of the Lord’s power! But today I woke up scared. I don’t want to get this far and have something go wrong. “Bed rest” doesn’t mean much anymore. I’m allowed to do almost anything. So I have… the last two days I’ve been running errands and crossing things off my to-do list. Nothing major, but I’ve been up and about more than laying down. Therefore I also haven’t felt the baby move as much. When I’m still, he’s moving. When I’m moving, he’s still. You can read it in any baby book, but this change in our routine worried me.

This morning I just felt gripped by fear. I laid in bed counting his kicks and they were normal. He was kicking a lot – and still is – yet I couldn’t shake these feelings. For the last 37 weeks I’ve prayed that the baby would stay safely inside me and now I just want him out. I want to hold him safely in my arms and see him breathing and feel his heart beat. In the womb, I have to trust that he’s ok (and pray for him to kick as reassurance), but I’m ready to see him with my eyes and know he is ok.

I don’t want to be fearful. God doesn’t want me to be fearful. But when I am, it does cause me to turn to Him. There is no one else who holds my world in His hands. I’m thankful for 37 fearless weeks (minus a few fearful days) of a safe, healthy pregnancy.

My bible study small group is reading through Psalms this summer by reading one chapter everyday. We just started May 1, so feel free to read with us. I’ll probably blog about it. For now I’ll leave you with a few verses from the first five chapters which comforted me this morning:

You have given me relief when I was in distress. (Ps 4:1)
The LORD hears when I call to Him (4:3)
You have put more joy in my heart than they have when their grain and wine abound. (4:7)
In peace I will both lie down and sleep; for You alone, O LORD, make me dwell in safety. (4:8)
But let all who take refuge in You rejoice; let them ever sing for joy, and spread Your protection over them, that those who love Your name may exult in You. For You bless the righteous, O LORD; You cover him with favor as with a shield. (5:11-12)

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Sharing Your Failures Part 2

My last post talked about Abraham and how his son, Isaac, made the same mistakes. I said I would write about my mistakes in hopes others could learn from them. But I seem to be avoiding blogging… it’s not like I’m anxious to tell you the ways I’ve messed up in life. Nonetheless, here are a couple thoughts.

Listen to God
Do you ever hear that still, quiet voice pointing you in a direction, yet you figure it’s nothing and ignore it? Well I did that. Senior year of college there was a guy who wanted to date me (during one of those rare times where Jeff and I were not dating each other). I felt like God told me not to date him (we’ll call him Joe to protect his identity). In fact if I pulled out my journal from then, I’m sure I even wrote it down: “Joe asked me out but I feel like God is saying no. But I don’t understand why…”

My mistake was questioning God’s instructions. It doesn’t matter why. I knew what God was telling me, but I ignored it. Joe was a good guy, a Christian, athlete, nice, and he really liked me. Why wouldn’t I go out with him? After a few weeks getting to know each other I did end up dating Joe. All along I noticed little inconsistencies in stories he would tell, things that didn’t matter, or so it seemed. Six months into dating it ended. He had lied about things and about who he was. While I was sad and hurt, I knew I had no one to blame but myself. God told me not to date him and I chose not to listen.

As I’m thinking about other mistakes I’ve made, I realize several of them involve not listening to God. Why I think my plans are better than what God has told me, I don’t know. It’s a dangerous line to walk. Not listening to God and following His plans can lead to a lot of negative consequences. Not because God’s trying to punish you for choosing wrongly, but because He tried to save you from that destruction.Even if its confusing, or inexplainable, or doesn’t make sense, or the hard choice, listening and following God is the always the best path.

What mistake have you made that you wish people could learn from and choose differently? Take the bold step to talk about it. Admit your failures. Better yet, look around you and learn from others’ mistakes.

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Sharing Your Failures

I was reading Genesis, the first book of the Bible, and noticed people made some of the same mistakes as their parents. Most noticeably was Isaac following in his father Abraham’s (failed) footsteps. On two occasions Abraham told his wife Sarah to tell people in the town she was his sister, not his wife. Abraham was afraid, because of Sarah’s beauty, that the people who didn’t fear God would kill him to take his wife. But if she was just his sister then the people would have to treat him well. [Interesting how Abraham’s concern was the people who didn’t fear God, yet he was afraid of the people instead of trusting God.] (See Genesis 12 and 20)

Abraham did this twice, both times with negative consequences. Meanwhile God was telling him He would give Abraham many descendants and that he would be blessed.

Finally that promised descendant arrives: Isaac. Eventually Isaac grows up and gets married and as they travel into town Isaac says to his wife, “tell them you are my sister”(Genesis 26:7). I wonder where he would learn something like that…

Did his father tell him, “I made a stupid mistake. I shamed your mother. I didn’t trust God. I brought dishonor upon our family. I caused infertility and sickness in the family that brought your mother into their house… I wish I had chosen different.”

Or did Mom and Dad laugh about it, “Remember that time we sort of lied to everyone… Sister, wife, eh… and then we received gifts from the people we lied to! Boy did we fool them!”

I don’t know what happened. The Bible doesn’t tell us. I think it’s strange that the son makes the same mistake as his father. I don’t think anyone else in the Bible played the wife/sister card. But it makes me think: how will I share my failures in a way that doesn’t glorify, excuse, or cover up sin, but a way that honors God and shows the blessing of right choices. I think it’s a good thing to share not just with your children, but with anyone who might benefit.

Some things are too personal, or age appropriate, or involve other people who don’t want the story shared. But a few things come to my mind of lessons I’ve learned from my mistakes. I’ll try to write about them in the next post. Meanwhile you can think about what wrong choices you’ve made that you wouldn’t want others to repeat.

“One generation shall commend Your works to another, and shall declare Your mighty acts.” Psalm 145:4

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Where’s My Miracle?

I wonder if some of you reading my posts think to yourself, “Where’s my miracle?” You read about how God is answering my prayers and wonder why He hasn’t answered yours… for a baby, a job, a spouse, healing of a debilitating disease, a home, a family that loves you … the list could go on and on. Is it because I have more faith than you? No, you only need faith the size of a small mustard seed. Is it because God loves me more than you? No, God has no favorites. I don’t know why, sometimes we never do, but I thought I would share some ideas that may help.

Waiting builds character.
Count it all joy when you meet trials of various kinds, for you know that the testing of your faith produces steadfastness. And let steadfastness have its full effect, that you may be perfect and complete, lacking in nothing (James 1:2-4). Count it all joy. We rejoice in our sufferings, knowing that suffering produces endurance, and endurance produces character, and character produces hope, and hope does not put us to shame (Romans 5:3-5). These verses tell us there is purpose in our suffering, or waiting, or trials. It may feel like we are at a standstill, but God is at work behind the scenes.

God sees the big picture.
We can only see here and now, what’s happening right around us. But we are part of a bigger picture which only God can see. He promises to work all things together for good for those who love Him and are called according to His purposes (Romans 8:28). All things – even your sickness, or your unemployment, or your infertility – He will orchestrate for your good. Someday I believe you can look back (because hindsight is 20/20) and see how your struggles were turned to good.

God is God and we are not.
God is the Creator of the universe, Maker of you and me. He named the stars and put them each in place. He knows the number of hairs on your head and sand on the seashore. He sees your tears, He knows your pain, and He loves you more than you can imagine. God’s ways are not our ways and His thoughts are higher than our thoughts (Isaiah 55:8-9). It may sound like a parent telling a child “because I said so,” but it’s the truth. We have human minds, and while very smart, we often don’t understand pain and suffering and struggles we see in the world. But God is God. He is sovereign. He is in control. When we come to the end of our understanding we can trust that God has a plan, even if it’s hard for us to see.

Don’t stop believing.
Have faith in God. Truly, I say to you, whoever says to this mountain, ‘Be taken up and thrown into the sea,’ and does not doubt in his heart, but believes that what he says will come to pass, it will be done for him. Therefore I tell you, whatever you ask in prayer, believe that you have received it, and it will be yours. Matthew 11:23-25

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Every Day Is A Gift

In normal life I do believe that every day we have on earth is a gift. The Bible says God has numbered our days before even one came to be, so He has already decided how long each of us will live. But we don’t know how long that is, so every day we wake up we should be thankful for the time He has given us.

In my situation – after losing one child because of premature birth, having complications with a second pregnancy requiring shots, a cerclage, bed rest, and a multitude of doctors – it’s easy to see how every day really is a gift. I’m 33 weeks and 4 days and each of those days is a miracle. I’m thankful for the medical advancements – the progesterone shots that prevent me from having contractions, the cerclage that keeps my cervix closed, and the careful watch of my doctors. But I know it’s because of God and God alone that this baby is still in the womb.

From the beginning of the pregnancy I felt this assurance that everything was going to be fine. Although I didn’t expect these “setbacks” of surgery and bed rest, I still clung to the hope that everything was going to be fine. The doctors hoped I would get to 28 weeks because most babies born at that gestation survive. Here I am almost 6 weeks past that and still going strong.

At 37 weeks the cerclage will be removed and the baby could come at any time. It wouldn’t surprise me at all if he came after his due date, further proof that God is the One who has kept the baby safely inside me. I love my doctors, but only God deserves the praise for each day the baby is in the womb.

Now to Him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to His power that is at work within us, to Him be glory throughout all generations, for ever and ever! Amen. Ephesians 3:20-21

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Lessons From The Last Supper

Today is Maundy Thursday, the anniversary of Jesus’s last supper with His disciples.

A night where Jesus knew His betrayer, but loved him like His friends.

A night where Jesus, although He was their teacher and Lord, acted as their servant.

A night where Jesus knew the pain of the sacrifice He was about to make, but chose to follow His Father’s will, to pay the penalty for our sin so we can live in His victory.

Thank You Jesus for choosing the hard way to give us life, for conquering death, for being an example we can follow in loving others.

A new command I give you: Love one another. As I have loved you, so you must love one another. By this everyone will know that You are my disciples, if you love one another. John 13:35

Read John 13

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Running On Empty

Jeff & I at the Baby Shower

This last week I have felt really drained and tired.  I figured I was tired from the baby shower, which is partly true.  But I realized I was missing some things from my routine.  Up to this point, the majority of my time on bed rest (when not visiting with friends), has been spent watching Beth Moore’s Bible study on Esther, reading a lot of Christian books, listening to sermons from various churches, etc.  But I finished the Esther study, I’ve been back at church so I haven’t been listening to sermons at other times, and I finished all the Christian books I wanted to read.

I spent last week writing thank you notes while watching episodes of Parenthood season 3 on Hulu’s free one-week trial and reading In A Sunburned Country for book club.  None of those things are bad.  Parenthood makes me laugh a lot and you can learn things from their families.  Even though I had continued to read my Bible every day, I didn’t have this overflowing, fill-my-mind with God’s Word.

There’s nothing that comforts like God’s Word.  Nothing.  I thought in this season of my life, if I didn’t soak my mind in the promises of God that I might become fearful and anxious.  But instead I just felt empty.

I set my alarm for 10:15am but woke up today at 8:30 really hungry (this is not abnormal). While eating breakfast I listened to Midday Connection, a program of Moody Bible Radio, on the Moody Radio App I have (highly recommend). I read the Bible, I listened to a new mix of songs I made in celebration of Easter, and I read a devotion from Walking With Lincoln (a Christian devotional book I bought for Jeff a few years ago when he mentioned he liked President Lincoln and all of a sudden the Family Christian Store had all these Lincoln-related books).

Now I feel full again. I feel inspired to write the Bible study I keep talking about and not doing anything with. I feel content, satisfied, ready for the day. Soaking yourself in God’s Word and Christian materials isn’t a fix-all for whatever problem is in your life.  You may not always feel great. But I think you’ll feel better than you would without Him.

“You keep him in perfect peace whose mind is stayed on You, because he trusts in You” Isaiah 26:3. This verse was on my Bible-verse-a-day calendar for February 24, 2011, the day Caleb was born and immediately welcomed into heaven.  I kept that calendar at my office so I didn’t know that verse was on the calendar until several weeks later when I went back to work. God has amazing ways of speaking into our lives. If only we would listen.

Christmas Gifts

A couple weeks ago I had trouble sleeping at night. After playing games on my phone, blogging, reading and writing emails, I finally decided to pray. I thought maybe there’s something God is trying to tell me tonight and I need to listen. He brought to my mind Psalm 46:10 “Be still and know that I am God.” Which reminded me of my Christmas gift to Jesus.

Every year on Christmas my family gives gifts to Jesus. It is His birthday after all. Usually they sound like New Year’s resolutions with a faith twist, like read the Bible everyday, memorize Scripture, help the poor, use the gifts God has given me, etc. The last few years we haven’t all been together on Christmas so we haven’t passed the “gift box” around where we read what we gave Jesus last year and say what our gift is this year. I’ve still thought about what I would give Him, but without the accountability of the family tradition, I haven’t been very intentional.

A few years ago my “gift” – or at least theme for the year – was to be still. I was working more than 40 hours a week, commuting 10-12 hours each week, newly married, volunteering with a youth ministry, starting a Bible study, etc. All good things, but it meant for a busy life. I knew God wanted me to learn to be still and know that He is God. Unfortunately I don’t think I followed through very well, because I’m still learning.

Even that sleepless night when I tried to be still and listen to God, my mind kept wandering, mainly to how I would write about this on the blog. I thought I’d share with you some insight on the verse:

Be STILL and know that I am God
When was the last time you were still, quiet, and everyone around you was also? It’s a challenge in our technology-driven, keep up with the Joneses, chauffeur your kids to every sport & music lesson world. While I do think it’s important once in a while to be still & silent before God, I think we also need to learn to be still in the loudness that surrounds us. Even in the busyness, we need to be content, calm, at peace, and able to hear God’s voice leading us. We need to quiet our hearts, minds, souls, and strength in order to be still before the Lord.

Be still and KNOW that I am God
Sometimes the word “know” is used in the Bible to refer to a husband knowing his wife, as in Genesis 4:1, Adam knew his wife and she conceived and bore a son. I don’t know if the original Hebrew word for know in Psalm 46:10 is the same as the intimate know in Genesis 4:1 (if you can look that up, let me know). However, it caused me to think about how well I know God in comparison to how well I know my husband.

Jeff and I talk everyday, we make decisions together, we have inside jokes that no one else would think are funny, we have lots of memories. Even if you didn’t know anything about us and you came to our house, it wouldn’t take you long to figure out Jeff and I are married and have traveled to a lot of cool places. You would know because there are pictures everywhere documenting our relationship. Can the same be said for my relationship with God, or your relationship with God? Maybe you can’t scrapbook pictures of you and the Lord, but do you know Him like you know the other loved ones in your life?

Be still and know that I AM GOD
I am not God. I like to be in control. I like to make decisions. I often think my plans are better than God’s. But I am not God. Neither are you. God is in control. God has better plans than I can imagine. My role is to follow Him. But I know every time I worry or fear, every time I choose my selfish desires first, every time I doubt – in any situation – I am trying to be God. How have you tried to be God? Controlling your children, worrying about your job, fearing you’ll be single your whole life? You don’t need to think those things. You need to be still and know that God is God.

Dear Lord, help us be still and quiet before You. Help us to be still even in the loudness of our busy worlds. Help us to know You more. May it be the desire of our hearts to be in close relationship with You, talking with You and letting You lead our lives. Help us to trust You above all else. To know that You are in control, You are trustworthy and faithful, and we can always depend on You. Lord help us to be still and know that You are God. In Jesus name we pray, amen.

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