Kilimanjaro or Bed Rest?

Climbing Kilimanjaro or bed rest, which one is harder, a friend asked me recently. Both take mental strength, but I didn’t have to run and lift weights for nine months to prepare for bed rest. I posted previously about how our vacations have prepared me for bed rest, but it’s always fun to talk about Kilimanjaro so lets dig in.

20120207-192725.jpg
5.5 days to the summit (19,341 feet) and 1.5 days to get back down. Below 10,000 feet is a lush rainforest but beyond that Kilimanjaro has almost no vegetation. On day 1 we passed 10,000 feet, making us above the rainforest and above the cloud line. The ground had changed from green to dusty dry rocks. It reminds me of a story Jesus tells in Matthew 13:

When anyone hears the word of the kingdom and does not understand it, the evil one comes and snatches away what has been sown in his heart. This is what was sown along the path. As for what was sown on rocky ground, this is the one who hears the word and immediately receives it with joy, yet he has no root in himself, but endures for a while, and when tribulation or persecution arises on account of the word, immediately he falls away. As for what was sown among thorns, this is the one who hears the word, but the cares of the world and the deceitfulness of riches choke the word, and it proves unfruitful. As for what was sown on good soil, this is the one who hears the word and understands it. He indeed bears fruit and yields, in one case a hundredfold, in another sixty, and in another thirty.

When people hear God’s Word, there are a few responses:
1. Hears it, receives it with joy, but has no root, and falls away when there are hardships
2. Hears it, but is too concerned about worldly things, and therefore bears no fruit for God
3. Hears the word, understands it, and is fruitful

When we were walking through the rainforest of Kilimanjaro it was hard, it was steep, but there was shade from the trees. There were animals to see. We were surrounded by beautiful green trees. Walking on the dusty rocks was difficult. It was dirty and hot and hard to balance on some of the boulders. There was no vegetation and no animals. The only scenery was the summit, which always seemed miles and miles away.

Looking at the list, I want to be number three. I want to hear and understand God’s word. I want to put into practice what I learn in the Bible. What do you want to be?

20120207-192919.jpg

Underdogs

I’m watching the Super Bowl, like the rest of the country. I’m not sure who I’m cheering for yet. I have a friend who loves the Giants, but my brother-in-law is a die-hard Patriots fan. I prefer rooting for the underdog. There’s just something about the guy-who-was-supposed-to-lose winning that I love. Maybe it’s because the Bible is full of victorious underdogs.

David vs. Goliath
David, a shepherd boy, youngest of his family, the one not in the army. Yet David is unwilling to let this giant make fun of God’s people. David chooses to trust God, not fear Goliath, and God gives David the victory.

Daniel vs. King Nebuchadnezzar
Daniel was a man of God who worked for the king. But when the king commanded everyone to worship an image of him, Daniel refused. Facing certain death, Daniel still chose faith, and God saved him.

Moses
Born when Hebrew baby boys were being killed, Moses was put in a basket on the river and was saved and raised as a son in the house of the Egyptian Pharoah. Moses grew up, murdered an Egyptian, fled for his life, then was called by God to lead His people. But Moses said he wasn’t a good enough speaker. God brought Moses’ brother in to help, but God still used Moses in big ways, despite his murderous and doubting past.

Speaking of people with questionable pasts, a friend reminded me of Hebrews 11, known as the hall of faith, yet lists many people you wouldn’t think would be recognized:
Abraham slept with Sarah’s servant because he wasn’t man enough to say no to her and that he was trusting God for an heir through Sarah. Sarah is mentioned in the hall of faith and she tried to manipulate to bring about God’s promise and then laughed when she was told she would get pregnant in her old age. Rahab was a prostitute and yet is listed for her faith. The list goes on.

All of this encourages me and reminds me that no one is perfect, we’re all “underdogs.” But God delights in using imperfect, sinful, weak people to prove that any victory we have is only because of His grace and strength, His work in us.

As for the Super Bowl, I’ll be rooting for the underdog… as soon as I figure out who that is.

20120205-214721.jpg

Surrender

Most of the time when I write these blogs I am in a good place mentally and spiritually.  I’ve been encouraged by your comments and just the fact that you’re reading my blog, but I don’t want you to get the wrong idea.  I’m certainly not perfect, my faith isn’t perfect, and I struggle just like everyone else.

  • I thought everything was going to be perfect with this pregnancy, until I needed a cerclage.
  • I have no baby things in the house, but I’m nervous to register for stuff.
  • I question every little thing I feel – baby kicking, stomach gurgling – and wonder if everything is ok.

But I’ve had to take all my worries, doubt, and love for this baby, and hold them in open hands, letting God take it from me.  He wants to bear our burdens. They’re too heavy for us.  I’ve had to surrender this baby, knowing God loves him more than I do, and trust him to God’s faithful care.

God has been faithful. He has given me peace. He takes my worry and gives me wisdom. He takes my doubt and reminds me to trust and pray. 

Maybe you wonder why God gives us good news and hasn’t given it to you.  I don’t know.  We don’t often know the reasons behind our circumstances.  But I promise you, you will never regret surrendering to the Lord. 

Lay down your worries and doubts, your past, your sins, your heartache.  Let God carry your load.

“Come to Me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take My yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For My yoke is easy and My burden is light.” Matthew 11:28-30

It Takes A Village

20120203-150814.jpg

You’ve all heard the saying “It takes a village to raise a child.” Or in our case, it takes a village to make bed rest manageable. I had my weekly doctor appointment and wanted to share with you how God has shown Himself so faithful.

First, an anatomy lesson. Picture the cervix like a straw. One end is by the baby, one end leads to the outside. The cerclage is a stitch put around the straw in the middle – halfway between the baby and the outside. Generally the cerclage is put in because there is “funneling,” which means the end of the cervix by the baby is opening.

Throughout my pregnancy they have measured the cervix to see if there is any shortening or funneling which is bad. Every time they measured, the cervix was 3.5cm and strong, except the day of the cerclage when it was 0.4cm and funneling (normal cervix is 2.5cm). After the cerclage, they measure the cervix from the stitch to the outside and I had measured 1.7-1.9 which they were pleased with. Last week there was funneling from the baby all the way to the stitch, which is expected when there’s a cerclage.

Today, there was no funneling. As Kim, my ultrasound tech and I chatted she says, “I’m just waiting to see the cervix open.” I said, “Kim it might not open. There’s a lot of people praying for us and God can do anything.”

The doctor comes in to see me and she was smiling and so happy. “I can’t believe these pictures are of your cervix,” she said. I asked her what the measurement was and she said because there’s no funneling they measure the whole cervix, which was 3.5cm – the same it had been throughout the pregnancy!

The doctors are amazed, the ultrasound techs are amazed, the nurses are amazed, and I say God can do the impossible. Maybe we should expect amazing more often!

The doctor told me to keep up the good work on bed rest. I know it’s first because of the Lord that everything is going so well, and second because of all of you who are praying for us, bringing us meals, and hanging out with me during the day. I don’t know that I will ever have the words to express how grateful I am for each of you, but I hope you are enjoying this journey of trusting God with us and seeing Him work in amazing ways!

Can God Be Trusted?

With life in the balance, can God be trusted? If you had to choose between your life and your unborn baby, what would you choose, and Who would give you the strength to make that choice?

I found this story very encouraging. I hope you take a minute to read it and reflect on the God who can do the impossible.

http://www.onenewsnow.com/Journal/editorial.aspx?id=1523668

20120203-094903.jpg

Water Pitcher

When I was in the hospital two weeks ago I became enamored with the water pitcher. I only spoke of these feelings to Jeff though.

Among its best features, it holds a lot of water, has a handle making it easy to carry, comes with a secure lid, and a place for a straw! The more I used the pitcher, the more I liked it, and the more useful I found it to be.

When we were packing up to leave the hospital the nurse asked, “Do you want to take the pitcher with you? It might be helpful while you’re on bed rest.”

Inside I was so excited! My dream of having the water pitcher always with me was coming true! “Um, sure, I guess,” I responded casually. I knew my growing obsession with the pitcher was strange and I didn’t want to scare the nurse.

Jeff and I got in the car. “I get to keep the pitcher!” I exclaimed. “I’m so happy for you,” Jeff responded, always supportive.

So to the nurse at Edwards, whose name I don’t remember, thank you for my water pitcher. It is always by my side.

I was going to draw some spiritual insights about Jesus being the living water, but I got so engrossed in the pitcher story I don’t remember what the transition was. Feel free to comment about how the water pitcher relates to Jesus. 😊

20120202-141131.jpg

What’s On Your Mind?

20120201-105151.jpg
I’ve realized that Jeff has helped prepare me for bed rest throughout our marriage. At this point it really seems like a mental game: how to stay sane, how to not worry, how to keep my mind on good things. Several of our vacations have required similar mental perseverance.

Mammoth Cave is the largest cave system in the world and it’s located in Kentucky. We planned a trip to Mammoth to celebrate our first anniversary. Parts of the cave are huge! Large enough that they used to have church down there and weddings for hundreds of guests. Most tours are casual walk through parts of the cave where you learn the history. But one tour really caught Jeff’s eye:

Wild Cave Tour
Difficulty: Strenuous
Beautiful, yet physically demanding
6 hours, only 14 participants

We put on our hiking boots, old clothes to throw away after crawling through dirt, and we were on our way. At the introduction the guide said if you aren’t comfortable crawling through the small lid of a garbage can, this isn’t for you. Who is comfortable crawling through that, I wondered. But at least I was the smallest person on the trip. If all of these men fit through then I’ll fit too.

I wouldn’t consider myself claustrophobic, but when you are laying on your stomach, can only see the boots of the person in front of you, have rock walls touching all your sides and you’re hundreds of feet under ground, you start to reconsider claustrophobia. The guide yells back our next move, “Next we’ll be going through Hell Hole. It’s about 40 yards of crawling on your stomach over rough jagged rocks.” Did I voluntarily sign up for this?

“Isn’t this cool?!” Jeff exclaims, grinning from ear to ear. “It’s great,” I respond straight faced. If you say it enough maybe it’ll start to be true, right? Many times I had breakdowns in my head and gave myself pep talks, especially when I had to crawl past a large spider and the space didn’t look big enough for both of us.

Six hours later we were walking upright towards the finish line. Though the end was in sight, I was regretting it. “Lord, I didn’t want to just make it through and survive this. I wanted to enjoy Your creation and treasure this time since most people never see these parts of the cave,” I silently prayed. I heard God say to me, “Just like there is so much more to discover about this cave, you have so much more to discover about Me.”

God wasn’t saying I didn’t know Him, but that there is always more to learn and grow. Almost every part of me wants this time of bed rest to fly by. But I know God is telling me to surrender, yield to Him, and treasure this time of waiting.

“You keep him in perfect peace whose mind is stayed on You, because he trusts in You. Trust in the LORD forever, for the LORD GOD is an everlasting rock.” Isaiah 26:3-4

20120201-105232.jpg

Sweetness

I had to go to the doctor for the glucose test this afternoon. My mom came with me. Even though the doctor said I can drive myself to appointments, my mom disagrees, but it’s nice to have company 🙂 I was supposed to not eat sugary things before the test. Although this morning I had Frosted Flakes… Hopefully it was out of my system by the time the test came around. Now we’re living it up with Rice Krispy treats and hot chocolate, and cinnamon rolls for dinner (thanks to Jen & Jared).

I only get to leave the house for doctors appointments and the weather has been really nice for those days so far. It’s nice to breathe in the fresh air and see the sun shine.

Now I’m working on a Bible study with Mom on Romans 8 – a great chapter of the Bible. “There is no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus.” (Rom. 8:1)

Just thought I’d write a quick blog about my day. No deep spiritual insights on this… yet. Thanks for reading!

Interruptions

Everyone makes plans for their life. Graduate college, get a high paying job using your degree, marry the perfect guy, have 2.5 children and a dog, and live happily ever after. But your plans get interrupted. You get laid off from work, you thought you’d be married by now and there aren’t even any options on the horizon, the pregnancy test shows up negative again, your spouse leaves you, you have a major health problem, the list goes on. The unexpected interrupts our well-planned lives.

Last year I was very excited to be pregnant with Caleb. All was going according to my plan. Then in one day our lives were flipped upside down. Instead of being the happy new parents bringing home their first baby, we were planning his funeral and buying a cemetery plot. I had become part of the unofficial “moms who’ve lost babies” club – the club you don’t know exists until you’re in it.

“God must have a purpose in this,” I reasoned. In the meantime I knew there was a lot at work I could accomplish that I didn’t think I had time for. But two months later the company needed to reorganize, replacing staff with volunteers. I found myself at home with no baby to take care of and no job to throw myself into. Life interrupted again.

I’m very thankful that I have the luxury of being home and not needing to work, but I felt like I was going through an identity crisis. I began volunteering for Young Life doing simple office wok. I operate best when I have a routine, and I knew I would need a reason to get out of bed in the morning.

Eventually we started trying to get pregnant again. We were more fortunate than many people, but the couple months it took felt like forever… and my 30th birthday was coming up. Couldn’t just one of my plans work out?

I can look back on these interruptions and see God’s hand in all of it. It’s good I don’t have a job so that I can really devote myself to bed rest. I miss Caleb with all my heart, but if he had survived, we wouldn’t have this baby, I think God really has great plans for this child. Because of Caleb my faith is stronger, I’m closer to my husband and family, I’ve made new friends who went through similar situations, I’ve seen friends, neighbors, and churches love and care for us in amazing ways. Right now there are hundreds of you praying for us, because of what we’ve been through. I’m amazed at how God has worked all things together for our good (Romans 8:28).

In every interruption, the Lord was there. These things may have surprised me, but they didn’t surprise Him. “In his heart a man plans his course, but the LORD determines his steps.” Proverbs 16:9

20120130-104944.jpg

Walk by Faith, Not by Sight

20120128-092601.jpg

Climbing Kilimanjaro our route went in a circle around the mountain before we reached the summit. I could see the top from almost everywhere, but I had to trust our guide to take us there and to pick a good path. Each day we made it to the next camp site in a timely and safe manner. Each day Mark, our guide, was earning my trust. Honestly in the beginning I tried to keep track of where we were. What if something happened to Mark? How would we find our way? But as time went on I came to trust Mark and have faith he would take us the right way, even when I couldn’t see it.

Following Jesus is similar. We might not be so sure in the beginning but as time goes on we learn we can trust Him. Jesus is faithful, He loves us, He has good plans for us. He is who I want to guide my life.

Yesterday I had my first doctor’s appointment since the surgery. I’ve continued to have a confidence that everything is going to be ok. But I prayed in the morning, “Lord I believe everything will be ok, but it’d be really nice to have some medical reassurance.”

God answered my prayer. The doctor was very pleased with the position of the stitch and said my body has responded well to it. My cervix was even a little longer than it was post-surgery. Thank you Lord! I wanted to believe even if it was bad news but I was so encouraged and relieved to hear some good news. I will walk by faith, but I’m thankful God sometimes let’s us see.