About Debbie

Jeff and I have been married for elevent years. We have had many adventures - Australia, New Zealand, Costa Rica, Thailand, and Tanzania, Africa where we climbed Mt. Kilimanjaro. Our most recent adventure is children. This has been a journey of trusting God through challenging times and not letting go of hope. We have been pregnant four times: one premature birth and infant loss (read about Caleb's story), Jack which required 4 months of bedrest, one early miscarriage, and Parker which was another difficult pregnancy. I hope as you read this blog your faith will be strengthened and you will understand that no matter what is happening in our lives, God is good, faithful, and worthy of our trust.

Top 9 Lessons from College

Posted on May 24, 2012 by Debbie

As Graduation Season is upon us, I realized that last week marked nine years since I’ve graduated from college. I thought this would be a great time to look back on the Top 9 Lessons I learned in college.

9. Get Dressed For Class. This one I learned by hearing about my cousin at a different university, who shall go unnamed in order to protect his identity. It was freshman year, he woke up late for class, and decided to rush to class instead of putting on real clothes. In addition to his pajama pants and t-shirt, he added a robe, slippers, and cowboy hat. I think this only happened once (I hope). Needless to say, it wasn’t until after he changed his ways that he met his wife.

8. Do Not Take Classes With Your Best Friends. As fun as it sounds, taking classes with your best friends makes it too easy to convince each other to order Papa Johns and watch Chitty Chitty Bang Bang instead of going to English class. Or you’ll go to English class and pass a notebook between the few of your friends, each writing one line of a poem or story, and trying really hard not to laugh out loud. In my case, you’ll never get in trouble because the professor only calls on people with interesting names… so “Kristin” and “Debbie” didn’t get called on all semester, while “Cassandra” and “Petrit” were called on each week.

7. Tips for Sleeping in Class. Sometimes it’s inevitable. Classes from 6-9pm are rarely a good choice due to their length and boring-ness. But if you’re going to fall asleep, sit in the back row, or at least behind someone larger than you. Don’t wear a ribbed sweater and then put your head on your arm (you’ll wake up with lines on your face, trust me). Don’t drool, or at least figure out a system to catch your drool instead of waking up with a pool on your desk.

6. Find a Church. I was only one hour away from home and often came back on weekends to see family, and my boyfriend-now-husband, and go to church. But when I stayed at school on the weekends I had a hard time finding a church I liked. I tried new churches almost every week but I didn’t like the music, or the preaching, or that there wasn’t anyone my age. Looking back I should have just picked a church that teaches the Bible and planted myself there. I ended up finding a church I loved my senior year of college. I became a leader of the youth group and really had a great time being involved. I only wish I had found it earlier.

5. Find a Bible Study. My freshman year there was a girls Bible study that met in my dorm. My roommate and I went, often ordering Papa Johns and watching Who Wants To Be A Millionaire when it ended (that show was new then!). That Bible study group lasted all four years of college. Those women became good friends. We would add a few and lose a few each year, but we helped each other stay focused on God, and many of us remain in contact still.

4. Do Not Join a Fraternity or Sorority. It’s not the stereotypes of partying and drinking that concern me. In fact I was in a sorority and had a lot of fun while I was part of it. I made some good friends, was involved in every intramural sport with them, developed my leadership skills, etc. But one day God revealed to me things about the sorority that didn’t honor Him. It’s a secret society, so you don’t know anything about the rituals or initiation until you’re already committed. Further, if something was good, you’d think it wouldn’t be a secret. Many of the ceremonies seemed to mock Christian rituals, even though the sorority posed as a “Christian organization,” even reciting a Psalm and praying each week at meetings. It wasn’t just the particular sorority I was in. I talked to people in other sororities at other colleges throughout the years and they had very similar ceremonies and rituals as mine. I know this isn’t a topic you hear discussed much, so maybe you’re surprised or think I’m crazy. If you want to know more of my experience, send me a message and I’ll talk to you in more details. But in summary, although my experience in the sorority was good, God clearly directed me that I shouldn’t be involved and to leave so I did.

3. Stand Up For What You Believe. I went to a Christian university so you’d assume that most students would have similar Christian beliefs, and that certainly professors would uphold and teach Christian beliefs as taught in the Bible. Not the case. I had one Theology class about the Scienfitic World that taught opposing views from God’s Word. I was surprised, but it caused me to study each topic on my own to find research supporting Christian perspectives. I often disagreed vocally with the professor in class and I wrote papers contrary to what he taught but supported by research I found. When you stand up for what is right, whether it’s disagreeing with a professor or helping a student who is being bullied, God sees what you are doing and will reward you.

2. Don’t Drink. Believe it or not, it’s possible to make it through college without drinking alcohol (or doing drugs or having sex). When I was 16, I decided I would never drink. As my friends in high school began drinking, I would attend the parties but refuse the drinks. “No thanks” became so ingrained in my mind that it just continued into college. I went to parties, I hung out with people who drank, I was around alcohol, but I stood strong in my decision not to drink. As time went on, people stopped asking me if I wanted a drink because they already knew the answer. I didn’t want any substance to have any control over my mind and body. I’ve seen enough people drinking to know that nothing good comes from alcohol, but there are plenty of bad decisions people make while drinking. As the years went on I spent less time at parties and less time with people who drank because I didn’t like being around alcohol. I had a lot of fun in college and didn’t miss out on anything. Weigh the pros and the cons and realize you don’t need to drink to fit in or have fun. In fact, you’ll be saving yourself from a lot of destruction if you choose to avoid alcohol.

1. Read the Bible Every Day. Nothing will keep you grounded in truth like the Word of God. Even if you only read a little bit each day, I guarantee you it will be one of the best decisions you ever make. The Bible is God’s voice directing your path, comforting your concerns, and giving you peace in uncertain circumstances.

When I look back on college, these Top 9 often cross my mind. I’m sure there’s more I could add… like pray for a good roommate and good friends. I don’t remember praying that but God certainly blessed me by giving me great friends who are still great friends today.

Maybe I Should Clarify…

Posted on May 21, 2012 by Debbie

Dear God,

Maybe I should have been more specific. Back in January when I needed the cerclage, and there was concern about the baby coming prematurely, I prayed for a full-term baby. And I have whole-heartedly believed You heard me and would answer. But when I said “full-term” I meant the baby could come anytime after the cerclage was removed. Babies are actually considered full-term at 37 weeks and now I’m 39 weeks and 1 day … I suppose since You created him You know what You’re doing. But I’m worried if he gets much bigger inside me that he won’t fit into some of his cute newborn clothes… So thanks for answering my prayer from January and help me to be patient for Your timing.

Amen.

The Grass is Greener

Posted on May 18, 2012 by Debbie

The grass is greener… Here. Have you seen my yard? Greener, thicker, taller. It has been growing like crazy. My dad, brother-in-law, and I usually share fertilizing methods. This year my brother-in-law bought a new spreader. So my dad borrowed it and used it to fertilize my yard a few weeks ago.

In the beginning you could see light green rows where the grass wasn’t as tall or thick. Those were actually sections where the spreader missed so they didn’t get the fertilizer. I’m kind of glad some small areas were missed because then we were able to see how well the fertilizer was working. It grows so fast now that the yard should be mowed every 3-4 days (but Jeff only mows every 7 days… sorry neighbors!).

This blog post is not sponsored by the fertilizing company. I don’t even remember which brand we used. I think it’s a good illustration of our lives. The old adage says “the grass is greener on the other side.” Meaning no matter the situation you’re in, it’s easy to look around and think other people have it better than you. You may start to wish for a different job, your neighbor’s house, your friend’s spouse or kids. You don’t need a genie in a bottle to grant those wishes – or for those thoughts to even leave your head – to realize their devastating affects in your life.

Wishing and wondering about what life would be like if you had (fill in the blank) only leads to discontentment, envy, and jealousy. Even if you don’t speak the words, the thoughts themselves become apparent as your attitude with your own life becomes negative.

Too often people look over the fence, decide they could have a better life with that person, and leave… Only to find themselves looking over another fence months or years down the road. Our culture has viewed marriage as just a piece of paper instead of the sacred lifelong commitment it is. The easy way out is to leave, but often the harder, more challenging, and more rewarding choice is to stay and work things out.

I’m grateful Jeff and I have a heritage of committed marriages to learn from and pass on to future generations. Although we did discover recently that on Jeff’s Chinese side a great great grandfather actually had a wife and a concubine. To what degree the wife knew about the concubine I don’t know. The man had children with both women but then the concubine died. What do you think happened to her kids? The wife raised them as her own children. That takes forgiveness. That takes an attitude of “the grass is greener here.”

Whenever you’re tempted to start wishing for a different life – in marriage or work or anything – choose instead to see the grass is greener here.

“Whatever is true, noble, right, pure, lovely, admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things” (Philippians 4:8).

Anxiety in Anticipation

Posted on May 14, 2012 by Debbie

Are you ever anxious or worried about an upcoming day, but the day ends up being fine? My friends who have lost children have agreed that usually anticipating the holidays or anniversaries is worse than the actual day itself. Mothers Day was like that for me.

The season of Mothers Day is challenging, as I wrote about last. I don’t even like picking out cards because inevitably I’ll start crying thinking of what could’ve been with Caleb. I’m not a stranger to crying in public… It’s still kind of normal for me even though it doesn’t happen often.

I went to Jewel on Saturday before Mothers Day. I hadn’t been grocery shopping in months, but I only needed to pick up a few things. However I forgot what a bad decision it is to go to the grocery store before holidays. I’m used to people moving out of my way since I’m pregnant, but people at Jewel could have cared less if they were in my way. One nice lady who works at Jewel said “happy Mothers Day” to me and another woman. I was on the phone and barely acknowledged her, mainly because I thought I’d start crying again. So to the woman at Jewel, thank you. Your simple words meant a lot.

At church they asked all the moms to stand but I didn’t stand. We had just been standing to sing, then sat down, and then they asked moms to stand… it was more movement than I was interested in. But I felt like I was not standing intentionally, in support of all the “moms” whose children aren’t by their side. On the way out they handed roses to some women. I didn’t try to get one, but another woman saw me and handed me her rose. “You need this more than I do,” she said. “Happy Mothers Day,” she added. I don’t know if she saw the tears in my eyes. I didn’t say much to her, though I wonder if she had a story. She looked like she was in her 40s and walked out of church with her husband, but no kids. I think I mumbled “thank you” but I wish I had taken a moment to tell her how much that meant to be recognized as a mom.

On Mothers Day, we had lunch with my family, then dinner with Jeff’s family, and then Jeff and I watched the season finale of Survivor. It was a good day. I don’t know why anticipating the day is always worse than the day itself. Maybe it’s good to have time beforehand to think, appreciate what I have, understand the stories of others.

“This is the Lord’s doing; it is marvelous in our eyes.” Psalm 118:23

Mothers Day for a “Mom”

Posted on May 11, 2012 by Debbie

Mothers Day is challenging for me. People see me pregnant now and say “Maybe this will be your first Mothers Day!” as if delivering the baby before then will ensure that I am a mom this Mothers Day. I don’t understand why we say life begins at conception and consider the thing inside me to be a baby, but don’t consider pregnant women mothers.

Furthermore, last year was my first Mothers Day. It was about two months after I gave birth to Caleb and proceeded to lay him in the grave. Just because my two children aren’t in my arms doesn’t mean I’m not a mom, or any less of a mom than someone else.

But what are you supposed to say to me: “Happy Mothers Day?” It’s kind of happy. I’m certainly excited about this new little one and getting to meet him face to face soon. I’m happy that I had Caleb, even though it was a short time. I’m happy to celebrate my wonderful mom and mother-in-law, my grandmother-in-law, my sisters who are moms, and a host of other great mom examples.

But for me Mothers Day is lonely. It’s a reminder that Caleb isn’t here. He can’t ever be replaced with another child. I imagine part of me will always feel like this on Mothers Day. Someone is missing. When people acknowledge me on Mothers Day, it’s a reminder of this. Yet when people don’t acknowledge me, it makes me feel like Caleb has been forgotten.

I feel like I’m a “mom,” always having to qualify my role… “Is this your first child?” Kind of…. When they ask all the moms to stand up at church, do I stand? What questions will I have to answer then? If I don’t stand, is it like I’m ignoring Caleb?

I don’t write this so that you’ll acknowledge me in some way on Mothers Day. It’s really not about me. It’s really about a Mom who doesn’t want her children to be overlooked. I’m sure there are other “moms” in your life: women who have struggled with infertility, women who have miscarried, women who never had the opportunity to give birth to their own children. Maybe you’ll just take a minute to think about what makes someone a Mom. As you celebrate this year, be sensitive to the “moms” whose children aren’t in their arms but are forever in their hearts.

Awestruck

Posted on May 10, 2012 by Debbie

“When I look at Your heavens, the work of Your fingers, the moon and the stars, which You have set in place, what is man that You are mindful of him, and the son of man that You care for him?” Psalm 8:3-4

The first night on Mt Kilimanjaro amazed me. During the night I got out of the tent to go to the bathroom, put on my headlight and shoes, unzipped the tent door, and stepped outside. Awestruck. I stared into the sky, marveling at how many stars there were and how bright they were. I certainly didn’t need my headlight on. In fact the need to go to the bathroom almost left. I’ve been to a lot of places in the middle of nowhere and seen a lot of stars – Iowa cornfields, Wisconsin farms, Wyoming mountains. But all of those stars I’ve ever seen in my life -added together – didn’t come close to the number of stars I saw that first night on Kilimanjaro.

I’m amazed that the God who created the universe, put each of these stars in their place, and calls them all by name… He knows me. He thinks about me. He hears me when I call to Him. He loves me.

Yesterday I had the cerclage removed. I was a little nervous about how painful it might be. It was uncomfortable but not super painful. As I waited for the doctor, I read through the first few Psalms. Every time I read Psalm 8 I think specifically about Africa, the stars, the animals, God’s amazing creation, yet He knows even me and hears me when I call.

I am officially off of bed rest. No restrictions on my activities! As I slowly regain some strength, I’m running errands and organizing things around the house. We are excitedly awaiting the arrival of Baby Chun. We can’t wait to meet this little guy and introduce him to all of you who have been praying for us on this journey. Thank you for trusting with us that the Lord of all creation hears our prayers.

Fear and Faith

Posted on May 5, 2012 by Debbie

After having Caleb, when I would think about being pregnant again, what concerned me most was being scared and nervous all the time. I couldn’t imagine having the normal pregnancy joy because I thought I’d be so anxious wondering if the baby was ok. But from the moment I thought I was pregnant, I was filled with joy and excitement. I knew those feelings were really a gift from God.

Throughout the pregnancy the days I’ve been fearful and worried have been few. By God’s grace I’ve been able to rest in the confidence He’s given me that everything is going to be ok.

Tomorrow I will have completed 37 weeks. Even now, being in the 37th week, I’m considered full-term. What an amazing gift and testimony of the Lord’s power! But today I woke up scared. I don’t want to get this far and have something go wrong. “Bed rest” doesn’t mean much anymore. I’m allowed to do almost anything. So I have… the last two days I’ve been running errands and crossing things off my to-do list. Nothing major, but I’ve been up and about more than laying down. Therefore I also haven’t felt the baby move as much. When I’m still, he’s moving. When I’m moving, he’s still. You can read it in any baby book, but this change in our routine worried me.

This morning I just felt gripped by fear. I laid in bed counting his kicks and they were normal. He was kicking a lot – and still is – yet I couldn’t shake these feelings. For the last 37 weeks I’ve prayed that the baby would stay safely inside me and now I just want him out. I want to hold him safely in my arms and see him breathing and feel his heart beat. In the womb, I have to trust that he’s ok (and pray for him to kick as reassurance), but I’m ready to see him with my eyes and know he is ok.

I don’t want to be fearful. God doesn’t want me to be fearful. But when I am, it does cause me to turn to Him. There is no one else who holds my world in His hands. I’m thankful for 37 fearless weeks (minus a few fearful days) of a safe, healthy pregnancy.

My bible study small group is reading through Psalms this summer by reading one chapter everyday. We just started May 1, so feel free to read with us. I’ll probably blog about it. For now I’ll leave you with a few verses from the first five chapters which comforted me this morning:

You have given me relief when I was in distress. (Ps 4:1)
The LORD hears when I call to Him (4:3)
You have put more joy in my heart than they have when their grain and wine abound. (4:7)
In peace I will both lie down and sleep; for You alone, O LORD, make me dwell in safety. (4:8)
But let all who take refuge in You rejoice; let them ever sing for joy, and spread Your protection over them, that those who love Your name may exult in You. For You bless the righteous, O LORD; You cover him with favor as with a shield. (5:11-12)

Sharing Your Failures Part 2

Posted on May 4, 2012 by Debbie

My last post talked about Abraham and how his son, Isaac, made the same mistakes. I said I would write about my mistakes in hopes others could learn from them. But I seem to be avoiding blogging… it’s not like I’m anxious to tell you the ways I’ve messed up in life. Nonetheless, here are a couple thoughts.

Listen to God
Do you ever hear that still, quiet voice pointing you in a direction, yet you figure it’s nothing and ignore it? Well I did that. Senior year of college there was a guy who wanted to date me (during one of those rare times where Jeff and I were not dating each other). I felt like God told me not to date him (we’ll call him Joe to protect his identity). In fact if I pulled out my journal from then, I’m sure I even wrote it down: “Joe asked me out but I feel like God is saying no. But I don’t understand why…”

My mistake was questioning God’s instructions. It doesn’t matter why. I knew what God was telling me, but I ignored it. Joe was a good guy, a Christian, athlete, nice, and he really liked me. Why wouldn’t I go out with him? After a few weeks getting to know each other I did end up dating Joe. All along I noticed little inconsistencies in stories he would tell, things that didn’t matter, or so it seemed. Six months into dating it ended. He had lied about things and about who he was. While I was sad and hurt, I knew I had no one to blame but myself. God told me not to date him and I chose not to listen.

As I’m thinking about other mistakes I’ve made, I realize several of them involve not listening to God. Why I think my plans are better than what God has told me, I don’t know. It’s a dangerous line to walk. Not listening to God and following His plans can lead to a lot of negative consequences. Not because God’s trying to punish you for choosing wrongly, but because He tried to save you from that destruction.Even if its confusing, or inexplainable, or doesn’t make sense, or the hard choice, listening and following God is the always the best path.

What mistake have you made that you wish people could learn from and choose differently? Take the bold step to talk about it. Admit your failures. Better yet, look around you and learn from others’ mistakes.

Sharing Your Failures

Posted on May 1, 2012 by Debbie

I was reading Genesis, the first book of the Bible, and noticed people made some of the same mistakes as their parents. Most noticeably was Isaac following in his father Abraham’s (failed) footsteps. On two occasions Abraham told his wife Sarah to tell people in the town she was his sister, not his wife. Abraham was afraid, because of Sarah’s beauty, that the people who didn’t fear God would kill him to take his wife. But if she was just his sister then the people would have to treat him well. [Interesting how Abraham’s concern was the people who didn’t fear God, yet he was afraid of the people instead of trusting God.] (See Genesis 12 and 20)

Abraham did this twice, both times with negative consequences. Meanwhile God was telling him He would give Abraham many descendants and that he would be blessed.

Finally that promised descendant arrives: Isaac. Eventually Isaac grows up and gets married and as they travel into town Isaac says to his wife, “tell them you are my sister”(Genesis 26:7). I wonder where he would learn something like that…

Did his father tell him, “I made a stupid mistake. I shamed your mother. I didn’t trust God. I brought dishonor upon our family. I caused infertility and sickness in the family that brought your mother into their house… I wish I had chosen different.”

Or did Mom and Dad laugh about it, “Remember that time we sort of lied to everyone… Sister, wife, eh… and then we received gifts from the people we lied to! Boy did we fool them!”

I don’t know what happened. The Bible doesn’t tell us. I think it’s strange that the son makes the same mistake as his father. I don’t think anyone else in the Bible played the wife/sister card. But it makes me think: how will I share my failures in a way that doesn’t glorify, excuse, or cover up sin, but a way that honors God and shows the blessing of right choices. I think it’s a good thing to share not just with your children, but with anyone who might benefit.

Some things are too personal, or age appropriate, or involve other people who don’t want the story shared. But a few things come to my mind of lessons I’ve learned from my mistakes. I’ll try to write about them in the next post. Meanwhile you can think about what wrong choices you’ve made that you wouldn’t want others to repeat.

“One generation shall commend Your works to another, and shall declare Your mighty acts.” Psalm 145:4

Ready

Posted on April 29, 2012 by Debbie

First we bought a new washer and dryer. Then we got the baby furniture. Last night we bought the official Family Car. In many ways, Baby Boy, we are ready for you. As of today you have been with me for 36 weeks! Although the doctors never specifically said you’d come early, they seem very proud of themselves that you’ve been in the womb this long. Of course we know Who really gets the credit. Only one more week until the cerclage is removed and then you can come anytime.

As I said, in some ways I’m ready. Ready to put you in all the cute clothes we’ve received. Ready to use the jogging stroller. Ready to see how the carseat works in the new car. Ready to introduce you to all the people who have prayed for you.

But I’m not ready to watch you grow up too fast. It’s inevitable – every parent says it happens. I’m not ready for you to enter this world which is full of people who are mean and selfish. Where you could be best friends with a kid one day only to have them ignore you the next. I’m not ready for your heart to get broken by some girl, and therefore my heart be broken.

I wish I could protect you from the bad things, the heartbreaks, the loneliness. But I know it’s at these times in our lives – as children, teens, or adults – that we learn there is One who will never leave us. One who will love us completely. You don’t need me to protect you. As much as I love you, He loves you more. He formed you in my womb. He knows your name (even though Dad and I are still deciding). He knows the hairs on your head and the tears you will cry. He knows the good you’ll do and the wrong choices you’ll make, and He loves you anyway.

I won’t protect you from bad things, I can’t. But God will be with you every step of your life. He is the One you can always trust, always turn to. I will be right there next to you, helping you learn to rest in the One who has always held you in His arms.

You have searched me, Lord, and You know me. You know when I sit and when I rise… You are familiar with all my ways. Before a word is on my tongue, You, Lord, know it completely… Where can I flee from your presence? If I go up to the heavens, You are there; if I make my bed in the depths, You are there. If I rise on the wings of the dawn, if I settle on the far side of the sea, even there Your hand will guide me…

For you created my inmost being; You knit me together in my mother’s womb. I praise You because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; Your works are wonderful, I know that full well… all the days ordained for me were written in Your book before one of them came to be. How amazing are Your thoughts concerning me, God. How vast is the sum of them! Were I to count them, they would outnumber the grains of sand… Search me, God, and know my heart; test me and know my anxious thoughts. See if there is any offensive way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting. (Verses from Psalm 139)