Category Archives: Jack’s Story

Because of Jesus…

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This weekend I played guitar for the IF Gathering, a local women’s conference at church that featured some video speakers from the national conference, as well as featuring some local speakers. At 10pm on Friday night my sister who organized the event realized a couple people she had asked weren’t able to speak the next morning and there was a gap in the schedule.

I was standing there with the planning team when one said, “Debbie why don’t you share your story?” We all kind of laughed because it was such short notice. Except I’ve written so many different parts of it, I thought I could combine things if you want. About 11 hours later, I shared my story…

About 13 years ago I had some news for my husband, so I made him a special dinner. He walked in the door and I told him the menu. “Tonight we are having BABY back ribs, sweet BABY ray’s bbq sauce, and BABY carrots.” Jeff said “Oh that’s funny. All those things have “baby” in the name.” It took him a minute to figure out the news was that I was pregnant!

We were so excited for our first baby. We dreamed and planned … But halfway through the pregnancy our dreams came to a crushing end. I found myself being rushed to the hospital in an ambulance, doctors telling me that I’m already in labor and they can’t stop it. I would have to deliver our baby that night but he wouldn’t survive. 

A range of emotions and thoughts filled our minds over the next few hours as we waited for labor to intensify. But our main focus was, we didn’t have a name for this baby. What do you name a baby who will go straight to heaven?

There was one bible story that kept coming to mind. It’s the story of Moses leading the Israelites out of slavery in Egypt. They had miraculously left Egypt, survived the plagues that God sent to Pharaoh and the Egyptian people, the Israelites crossed the Red Sea on dry ground as God parted the waters.. and now they’re in the desert where God miraculously provided manna for them. They were on their way to the Promised Land. It’s called “the Promised Land” because God promised to give this land to the Israelites. That simple.

Moses decides to send 12 men into the promised land to spy on it, to check it out and report back to the people what they find. These 12 men come back and say the land is amazing. It’s exactly how God promised – flowing with milk and honey, filled with the best fruits. BUT 10 men said there are giants living there. And we can’t beat them. The other 2 men said yes there are giants, but God is giving us this land. Let’s go! Those two men were Joshua and Caleb. Unfortunately the Israelites caved in to the fear that the 10 men had. They were afraid of the giants. They doubted God. And so God said that those people would not see the promised land. The entire generation would die, except for Joshua and Caleb.

They roamed around the wilderness, the desert for 40 years, waiting for that generation of Israelites to die. Then Joshua and Caleb, now in their 80s would lead the people into the promised land.

What does this story have to do with a baby? I knew there were going to be “giants” in my future. There would be fears about having children, trying to get pregnant again, losing another baby. I did not want to live in fear.  I wanted to be like Joshua and Caleb who had faith in God. So I said to my husband, how about we name the baby Joshua? He said there was a Josh in kindergarten who punched him in the nose. So how about Caleb?

Naming our baby Caleb was a reminder – is still a reminder – to me to not give in to fear and worry, but to have faith in God. Because of Jesus, I have faith.

Caleb died at birth. We held his body all night. The next day we left the hospital without him and began planning his funeral. In the days and weeks and months that followed, the grief I experienced was unlike anything I had ever known. I would cry myself to sleep almost every night. I had always been a pretty stoic person, but after having Caleb, there was no filter on my emotions. I remember being at the grocery store when the checkout lady asked “how are you?” And I began tearing up “I’m not good…” My husband would be like “She’s not really asking to hear your story.” But I felt like I was an open book, like sorrow was written on my face.

What got me through these days was the Word of God. Thankfully I grew up going to church, in high school I made my faith my own, and in college I had begun reading the Bible every day. This foundation of faith saved me. In my time of sorrow and mourning, Bible verses came to my mind of God’s comfort, of God being with the broken-hearted, of God seeing every tear I cry, of God’s unfailing love. Despite the grief and the sorrow, I had peace. Because of Jesus, I have peace.

Baby Caleb

Several months later I got pregnant again. From the beginning, I was confident that everything was going to be fine. But halfway through the pregnancy, I began to have the same problems. Thankfully the doctors were able to do emergency surgery putting in a cerclage to keep the baby safe inside me. Except it meant I had to be on bed rest for the remainder of the pregnancy – 4 months flat on my back.

Those months of bed rest could have been filled with fear and worry and anxiety. Because of losing Caleb, I understood very clearly that bed rest meant life or death for this baby. There was nothing I could do, no money I could pay, no medicine to take to fix this situation. The only thing I could do was pray.

I happened to be reading in Mark at that time and came across 11:24 where Jesus is talking to his disciples about faith. Jesus says to them, “Whatever you ask for in prayer, believe that you HAVE received it, and it will be yours.” It really struck me to believe you have already received it, as if it was past-tense. So I prayed for a full-term baby. I started a blog and I asked friends and family to pray with us. At my weekly doctor appointments, they would measure everything and then say my goal was 24 weeks, then 26 weeks, then 28 weeks. And every time I would say, “no, I’ve prayed for a full-term baby and I believe God will give him to us.” I didn’t say this as a way to try to witness to my doctors. I said it because I needed to believe. I needed to keep reminding myself that because of Jesus, I have faith.

At 37 weeks a baby is considered full-term. My doctor removed the cerclage and I was no longer on bed rest. It was May so I was pulling weeds and doing yard work, so excited that I could finally do whatever I wanted. The doctors expected the baby would come any day. I knew my prayer was answered and expected the baby to come soon too. But at 40 weeks and 5 days I was induced! God did what only He could do. My doctors were great, medical advancements are great. But some things you know are only God. That healthy baby boy was my son Jack who is now 11 years old. I have another son, Parker, who is 8. Because of Jesus, I have faith.

Today I have a different kind of suffering. It has been 5 months since my last concussion. I have had 4 concussions in my life, but the last three were in less than two years from playing adult recreational indoor soccer. After 5 months I still have headaches, I still have some dizziness, I still have a lot of fatigue, I still have times of being irritable. I have times where I struggle to remember the words I want to say. Times when writing or reading or playing guitar are really challenging. I still see a physical therapist and an occupational therapist every week. Although I have made a lot of progress, I’m still in a period of suffering. At times I doubt and I struggle and I question, “is this my new normal?” 

It’s hard to be suffering and still functional. It’s hard to be suffering and still take care of my kids – especially when they want to play soccer or football and I can’t run yet. It’s hard to be suffering and still take care of work and responsibilities, or my house, or my family. It’s hard to be suffering and have faith. It’s hard to be suffering and have peace.

Light and sound sensitive, so I wore a hat and sunglasses for months when leading music

But I look back and see what God has done in my life. I look back and I see the peace He gave me when I was grieving Caleb. I see the faith God gave me when I was on bedrest. And now I see the Hope. Because of Jesus I have hope that this isn’t the end of my story. Hope that fear is not my future and sickness is not my story. It’s not about a cure. Yes, I hope that one day I will be fully healed. But like Katherine Wolf said in her talk last night, it’s not about a cure, but about what God is doing in me now in this process to get to healing. Because of Jesus I have hope that His plan is better than my plans. Hope that He can work all things together for good. Hope that He can bring purpose to my pain. Because of Jesus I have hope.

Maybe you can relate to parts of my story. Maybe you have experienced miscarriage or infant loss or pregnancy challenges. Maybe you have walked through a health crisis. Maybe you’re walking through it now. Maybe the challenges you have faced have been a wayward child, a divorce, the loss of a career, the death of a parent… unfortunately we know difficulties will come. 

But I hope like me that you have a foundation of faith to rest on. I hope that you will be able to keep your eyes fixed on Jesus, the author and perfector of our faith. That you would rest in God’s promise to mold us into becoming more like Him. That you would consider it pure joy when you face trials, knowing that the testing of our faith would produce perseverance.

Because of Jesus, I have peace.

Because of Jesus, I have faith.

Because of Jesus, I have hope.

Lets pray. Lord Jesus I thank you that you are the Giver of all good gifts. I thank you that you never leave us or forsake us. Thank you Lord for walking with us through life’s difficulties, for being our comfort. Thank you for giving us peace, faith and hope. In Jesus’ name, Amen.

You Can Be Part of their Story

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About six years ago I had a special announcement for my husband, so I made him a special dinner. He walked in the door and I told him the menu. “Tonight we are having BABY back ribs, sweet BABY ray’s bbq sauce, and BABY carrots.” Jeff said “Oh that’s funny. All those things have “baby” in the name.” It took him a minute to figure out the announcement was that I was pregnant!

We dreamed and planned for this first baby of ours until about halfway through the pregnancy when our dreams came to a crushing end. I found myself being rushed to the hospital in an ambulance, doctors telling me that I’m already in labor and they can’t stop it. That night I delivered our first son, Caleb, born at just 20 weeks and too small to live.


We were devastated. This wasn’t how I planned things. The grief and sadness were overwhelming. Instead of decorating a nursery, we were planning a funeral. Instead of picking out baby clothes, we were picking out a gravestone. We stood in the front of the church, with a shoebox-sized coffin in front of us, while the congregation sang “Great is Thy Faithfulness,” a song I had chosen. I was crying too hard to sing the words, but in my heart I knew it to be true. “Morning by morning new mercies I see. All I have needed the Lord has provided.” But amidst all the questions and sadness, I stood firm on the foundation of faith I had, knowing that, even though I don’t understand it all, I know that God is good, that He is faithful and He loves me.

A few weeks later I went back to work, only to find the non-profit I worked for needed to restructure and now I was out of a job. I was supposed to be a stay-at-home mom, but now I’m home with no job and no baby. Again the grief feels overwhelming, but I stand on the foundation of faith.

I get a call from the Young Life area director at the time saying the office administrator moved away and asking if I have any time that I could help in the office. “Yes!” in fact I had a lot of time. Instead of having an identity crisis and sinking into despair, volunteering at the Young Life office gave me a purpose, a reason to wake up in the morning.

About six months later I got pregnant again and this time I was confident everything was going to be fine. But halfway through the pregnancy, I began to have the same problems. Thankfully the doctors were able to do surgery and keep the baby safe inside me. Except it meant I had to be on bed rest for 4 months – flat on my back for 4 months. Those 4 months could have been so boring. But friends and family, and many Young Life friends surrounded me. They brought me dinners, made me lunch, brought me Starbucks. These Young Life friends didn’t even know me very well, but knew a Young Life friend was in need and they were going to do what they could to help.

Those months of bed rest could have been filled with fear and worry and anxiety. Because of losing Caleb, I understood very clearly that bed rest meant life or death for this baby. But I stood firm on the foundation of faith, trusting that God is good, He is faithful and He loves me.

Well the rest of the pregnancy was miraculous and Jack was born. He is 4 years old now. I have another son, Parker, who is almost one year old. In fact I wasn’t at last year’s Young Life banquet, because I was in the hospital giving birth to Parker!

I tell you these stories because they are examples of things not going as I planned. I’m sure you can relate – whether it’s losing a child, losing a job, death of a loved one, an illness, a wayward child, a divorce – the list goes on of things that happen in our lives that we didn’t plan. The question isn’t IF something happens, but WHEN something happens in your life that you didn’t plan, what are you going to do? When the world as you know it falls apart and you are at rock bottom, what will you be standing on?

I had a foundation of faith because of people that poured into my life when I was a teenager. People who showed me what it looks like to be a Christian, how to trust God even when I don’t have all the answers. I learned verses in the Bible that showed me God is good, He is faithful and He loves me. I had a Foundation of Faith to stand on.

Tonight you have the opportunity to give a foundation of faith to students. You have the opportunity to partner with Young Life and ensure that teens across Naperville & Aurora hear about the God who is good, who is faithful, and who loves them. You can be part of their story, so one day when their world is shaken and their plans don’t work out, they have a solid Foundation of Faith to stand on.

Maybe you came in here with a number in mind of what you were going to give. But I encourage you, now that you’ve heard about how great ministry is, you’ve heard our vision for the future, you’ve seen these kids and heard how God has used Young Life to change their lives. Think about how much it’s worth. How much is it worth to provide a foundation of faith? How much is it worth to reach another student, another class of students, another school? How much is it worth?

There are many ways you can spend your money. But they’re temporary. You buy a shirt, but eventually the shirt gets stained, or doesn’t fit or isn’t in style. You buy groceries, but then your family eats all the food and you have to go back to the store. You can buy stocks and see incremental increases or decreases. But it’s still temporary. Not with Young Life. Giving to Young Life is investing in our community. Investing in our students. As a Young Life donor, you are part of these students’ stories. Your donation is making an eternal impact.

You can see in the program that our annual budget is $400,000. A gift of any amount is wonderful and we thank you for that. But what we really need are monthly donors, that helps us know how much money is coming in each month and how to plan for the future. We are also looking for people to be Foundational Donors, which means giving $10,000 each year for three years. I encourage you to give generously, where your gift will make an eternal impact, where students will hear about the God who is good, who is faithful and who loves them. Give where you can provide a Foundation of Faith. 

Give Online or Email me (Debbie@ylchicago.com) to be a Foundational Donor

Why I Announce Pregnancies Early

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If you missed my Facebook announcement, I’m pregnant! For a few weeks we’ve been sharing the news with family and friends as we see them. And some of them have been sharing it with others. And that is great because this little life deserves to be celebrated!

I’m only 9.5 weeks, but feeling nauseous frequently, which isn’t fun but is a good pregnancy sign. Some people wait until 12 weeks when the first trimester is over to announce their pregnancy. They wait until they’re out of the “danger zone” of when miscarriage is most possible. But why? To avoid some kind of embarrassment of announcing, miscarrying, and then having to explain it? While I don’t think that would be embarrassing because miscarriage isn’t anyone’s fault and usually has no reason. But it isn’t easy to explain the situation. It’s uncomfortable if you run into a friend at the store who heard the first announcement, but not about the miscarriage, and starts to ask about the pregnancy.

But I can’t think like that. I choose to cling to hope and trust God’s plan with this life. I’ve missed the chance to celebrate two precious lives while they were still with me. When I was first pregnant with Caleb we were going to wait until I went to the doctor at 10 weeks. But just before that happened I ended up in the hospital, learning I was almost 20 weeks pregnant, and that I would deliver the baby that day but he wouldn’t survive. That was the tearful phone call our families received. Even though we are thankful for Caleb’s life and celebrate him now, we didn’t have the chance to celebrate him while he was alive.

We announced being pregnant with Jack around 8 weeks at a family party. We certainly benefitted from having so many people love, support, and pray for us and Jack throughout that pregnancy. But most of all we loved celebrating that little life growing inside me. We loved being excited with everyone about what would come. We cherished every day we had with him safely in my womb.

When I had a miscarriage at Christmas we were about to make the announcement when I started bleeding. While we hoped things would be ok, we decided to wait until we knew before sharing the news. Unfortunately we lost that baby at just 6 weeks and missed another chance to celebrate that life while he was with us.

So, fourth time around now, almost as soon as we knew I was pregnant we told our families. We celebrated. We prayed. We already love this little one. We are thanking God for another precious miracle and trusting Him to keep this baby safe and healthy inside me until His perfect timing to deliver.

“The Lord gave and the Lord has taken away; blessed be the Name of the Lord.” Job 1:21

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Sucky vs. Guitar

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IMG_2895Pacifier: 1) a person or thing that pacifies; 2) a rubber or plastic device, often shaped as a nipple, for a baby to suck on.

Hence our name for it: sucky. We gave Jack a pacifier in the first few days of his life because he wasn’t nursing well. We thought the pacifier would help him learn to suck and it did. He only has his sucky when he is sleeping, but since dentists recommend quitting the pacifier around age 2, we have been warning Jack for months that “some day soon there will be no more sucky.”

On another note, I’ve been compiling ideas for Christmas gifts for Jack and at the top of that list is a guitar. After debating the merits of a kid guitar from Toys R Us for $30 or a real 3/4 size guitar from a real music store for $130, I decided the cheap one would do. Jack could still learn some chords, learn to strum, and learn to be gentle with it, but without the necessity of being gentle with an expensive guitar.

Then, last week while putting Jack in bed, Jeff says “Jack do you want to trade your sucky IMG_5207for a guitar?” Bribery and Reward are very similar in parenting. Jack said yes, but then understood he would lose his sucky and changed his mind. This continued for a few days until I actually bought the guitar so Jack could see and touch what he would get IF he gave up his sucky. Although from the beginning of this random, undiscussed plan of Jeff’s, that I did not agree to, I questioned the trade … it’s not like you can sleep with a guitar.

IMG_5214So Wednesday night we took his sucky and gave him a guitar. He loved the guitar! Played it, jumped around, danced and sang. Then asked for his sucky. Basically he has spent the last two nights in our bed, but without a sucky. He has been rewarded with candy in the morning (isn’t that also bad for your teeth?) and extra stuffed animal friends in his bed, in addition to the guitar.

Today at nap time Jack cried and asked for his sucky for 20 minutes… and let’s just say this Mommy’s resolve isn’t so strong when I don’t have back up from Daddy. A few big tears and a sad face … “If you promise to go to sleep right away you can have the sucky. But you only get it today as a special thing. You don’t get it tonight.”

Jack giggled and smiled. He knew he won. But he did go to sleep right away.

Forced To Rest

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Rest. Why is it so hard? I like to be active, doing things, checking things off my list. In fact, when I do something that wasn’t on my list, I usually add it to the list just so I can check it off. Despite the fact that I know prayer and reading the Bible are so important in life and vital to a growing walk with Christ, I feel like those things don’t count as “things I’ve done today.” If Jeff came home and asked what I did, and my response was “pray and read the Bible…” I’d feel like I hadn’t accomplished anything.

Imagine my surprise when I was forced to rest.

It was really cold in surgery so afterward they put warm towels and blankets on me.

It was really cold in surgery so afterward they put warm towels and blankets on me.

When I was 21 weeks pregnant with Jack, a routine doctor’s appointment revealed that my cervix had shortened and labor was imminent, unless I underwent an emergency surgery. A few short hours later I was in surgery getting a cerclage (a stitch around the cervix to keep it closed), followed by four months of bed rest. I waited in my hospital room to see my doctor and ask what “bed rest” really meant.

Can I do laundry or make dinner? The horrified look on my doctor’s face was my answer. “No. And you’re sitting up too much right now,” the doctor said as she lowered my hospital bed to nearly flat. Strict bed rest meant laying flat in bed. The success of the cerclage relied on gravity: the weight of the baby couldn’t rest on that stitch anymore than absolutely necessary.

I knew the baby’s life depended on my ability to lay flat for four months. I took bed rest very seriously, because I knew the outcome if I didn’t. Before Jack, we had our son Caleb, who was born prematurely, just halfway through the pregnancy. While some women take bed rest lightly and still manage to do normal every day things, I knew that wasn’t a risk I could take. I turned bed rest into my job.

DSCN8810Thankfully I was surrounded by family and friends who made sure our meals were taken care of and that I was entertained during the day while Jeff worked. I was (and still am) astounded at how many people volunteered to bring us dinner, or who came over just to hang out with me. Many people came over who had never been to our house before. Thanks to the garage remote that worked from our bed room, people Photo on 2012-01-23 at 15.47would call when they arrived, I’d push the remote button to let them in and they’d find their way up to the master bedroom where I spent most of the day. Then when they left they’d honk twice and I’d close the garage. Some school kids saw the honk & close garage and were amazed. Haha! Fun trick.

God seemed to use times of rest in the Bible to show people that they could Trust Him and that He would Provide. Since I wouldn’t be going to church or Bible study on bed rest, I knew I needed to fill my mind with God’s word and prayer in order to not succumb to fear. It’d be easy to fear the “what ifs” but I knew I needed to stand firm in faith. I read the Bible every day and did Beth Moore video Bible studies for “church.” One friend even came over one Sunday morning to do church with me. Through it all, God showed me I can trust Him. He hears my prayers and answers me. He will provide for my every need.

IMG_2362If you’ve followed this blog, you’ve probably heard me tell the story or read about how Jack shocked all the doctors by arriving LATE. The cerclage was removed at 37 weeks, I was off of bed rest and allowed to do whatever I wanted, and the doctors (and me) expected Jack to come any day. Almost 4 weeks later, at 40 weeks 5 days pregnant, I was INDUCED and Jack was born. What a miracle he is! What a reminder he is of God’s faithfulness and answered prayers. From the day after the cerclage, we prayed for a full-term baby and believed that God would give him to us, according to Mark 11:24 (“whatever you ask for in prayer, believe you have received it, and it will be yours.) God answered our prayers.

The idea of rest is so foreign to our culture today. There are few people or businesses who pause and take a break on the Sabbath. But we can be different. Together we can recognize God’s command and example to rest. We can trust God to provide for our needs while we set aside a day to stop working, to enjoy our families, to worship our Lord, to be grateful for the many blessings He has provided.

In the hospital

In the hospital

“By the seventh day God had finished the work he had been doing; so on the seventh day he rested from all his work. Then God blessed the seventh day and made it holy, because on it he rested from all the work of creating that he had done” Genesis 2:2-3. 

“Remember the Sabbath day by keeping it holy. Six days you shall labor and do all your work, but the seventh day is a sabbath to the Lord your God. On it you shall not do any work” Exodus 20:8-10

Watch You Sleeping

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When I was registering for baby things I was on bed rest which meant I had time to do research on things such as baby monitors. A generous friend bought us our fancy video monitor and we’ve enjoyed watching Jack sleep. In fact I didn’t realize how dependent I had become until it broke.

Jack was playing with the parent unit which he thinks looks like a phone. And even though he was very gentle with it, somehow the port for the charger broke and the battery has been useless for a few months = no more monitor.

Samsung said they’d fix it for $45 but I wasn’t sure I wanted to spend that on a monitor that wasn’t my favorite after using it for 21 months. While I made up my mind on what to do, I borrowed my parents’ baby monitor leftover from my brother who is now 25 years old. Obviously it doesn’t have video abilities, but at least with the audio I could tell if Jack was awake (as if the thumping on the walls didn’t clue me in).

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Apparently two consecutive days of use was all this elderly monitor could take and just like that we were without a monitor again. [However there seemed to be a nostalgic factor to this antique, so instead of throwing it out I gave it back to my parents. They plugged it in and it works again….??]

I told Jack the monitor is broken so when he wakes up he has to yell “Mama!!” Some days he does, other days he just kicks the wall until I come upstairs. Really the monitor is necessary for the beginning of nap time. Is he sleeping? Is he pooping?

Speaking of which, monitors should really have a smell sensor. They are so high-tech these days with wi-fi and video recording and night vision, you’d think someone would have invented a smell sensor so you know when the baby poops. Because inevitably pooping interferes with naps.

Maybe I’ll take my Smell Sensor Baby Monitor* to Shark Tank for a deal. (*Patent pending)

[Anyway…. I had this post written then added a picture and it deleted half the post… rewriting…]

We bought a new monitor that I scored for a great price on Amazon. Turns out it was a great price because it’s not-so-great a monitor. Jeff remarked the video quality wasn’t very good. I thought it was fine. “The crib slats aren’t supposed to look wavy.” Then we mounted it – two more holes in the wall – Jeff hates holes in the wall – and the night vision doesn’t work at all. So we can see nothing.

Now I’m doing monitor research again, except I have less time than when I was on bed rest and they all seem so expensive. Do I really have to pay another $200 for a video monitor? Don’t we have some kind of old camera laying around that we can hook up to something … ?

Well, this post has been thrilling. I promise to write more interesting things in the future. For now I’ll start engineering my Smell Sensor Baby Monitor* and I’ll take any recommendations you have for a functional video monitor. Since you made it to the end of this post, I will reward you with some pictures.

Role reversal: Jack is blogging while I nap.

Role reversal: Jack is blogging while I nap.

Jack won't sit next to me on the couch anymore. He insists on sitting on his side. #bigboy

Jack won’t sit next to me on the couch anymore. He insists on sitting on his side. #bigboy

Confession: I’m Not Nice When My Sleep Is Disrupted

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Jack DebI’m sure a few old roommates of mine are nodding their head. Yep, that’s true. 

It’s no secret that if sleeping were a super-power, I would be a super hero.

So when Jack – my precious, perfect, adorable son whom I love with all my heart and would do anything for (such as strict bedrest for four months) – when he wakes up in the middle of the night, I’m not so happy.

I recall times when my wonderful husband and I would take turns getting up with Jack. Then Jeff had a busy season at work and so I thought I’d be such a nice wife and handle Jack all on my own during the night. Eventually Jack started sleeping through the night again.

Just when my body adjusted to full nights of sleep, Jack started waking up again. He wasn’t sick or getting a tooth. He had no reason to be awake. And yet I hear “Mama mama mama mama mama” from the other room. Reluctantly, I pull myself out of the warm, cozy covers and hold a crying Jack.

After several nights of me consoling Jack back to sleep during the night, I was starting to feel like it was someone else’s turn. I nudged Jeff. Nothing. I elbowed him a few times in the back and said “I think it’s your turn.”

We proceeded to whisper-yell at each other. Are you familiar with this type of conversation? Jack was already crying, but with hopes of him going back to sleep without our intervention, Jeff and I whisper fought about who should get Jack.

He doesn’t want me. He’s saying “Mama.”

Do you remember the days he could only say “Dada” and I still got him??

Eventually Jeff agreed to get Jack. Jeff returned 30 seconds later. “He won’t even let me pick him up. He saw me and buried himself in the corner of the crib and is crying for you.”

So the next morning at Bible study my prayer request wasn’t just that Jack would start sleeping through the night again, but that my attitude would be better. That I would be kind to Jeff and that I would be patient and loving with Jack.

Things didn’t change right away, but I noticed subtle differences that helped. When Jack would cry, I would hold him and pray out loud. It seemed that when I was praying Jack would be quiet. So I didn’t stop praying until I thought he was asleep and then I laid him down. Now that’s what I do: I pray for Jack. I thank God for him and all the fun things we did during the day. I pray for his future, that he would love God with all his heart, mind, soul, and strength. I pray that Jack would continue to be a blessing to those around him.

Jeff and Jack reading books by flashlight.

Jeff and Jack reading books by flashlight.

Now when I crawl back into bed after consoling Jack, I’m not regretting the bad words I said or thought. Instead I’m grateful for that time to pray for him. I feel peace and confidence that I’m doing what God wants.

I still don’t like when my sleep is disrupted. But I trust that God will give me the rest that I need and that the awake times He gives me are purposeful.

Vikings and Pac-Man

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IMG_3609Just an ordinary Saturday for us… Jack has been very attached to his sleepers lately and refusing to get dressed. But this morning he was fine … onesie undershirt, jeans… then he seemed to realize what was happening and the tears and kicks began. So I added the sleeper and he walked around like this for awhile. Maybe it’ll be a new trend amongst toddlers.

After breakfast and a few Cat in the Hats, Jack explored Daddy’s IMG_3612closet and prepared for battle. He did this all by himself. I am part Norwegian so I suppose Jack is just acting like his Viking ancestors. (Jeff was also a “Viking” because it was his middle school’s mascot. Go Vikings.)

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Jack has been sick this week and although he seems better every day, I figured we should probably just stay home and play around the house. Jack found this old Pac-Man game you hook to the tv, which was actually my roommate’s about nine years ago! So for the first time in nine years, we hooked it up and introduced Jack to Pac-Man. The entertainment only lasted a few minutes. Daddy would have been happy to keep playing but Jack pulled him away.

IMG_3617One of Jack’s favorite things to do is climb onto Daddy’s workbench and play with tools. I am usually not around for this, as I would probably be hesitant to approve such *dangerous* activities. But I held my tongue today and watched Jack have fun hammering nails, pulling wrenches off the wall, and listening to noises. He even grabbed some sand paper and started sanding a wood block. He only saw Jeff to do that once. What a smart tool-boy!

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Just another Saturday morning at the Chun house! We hope your weekend is off to a great start!

“This is the day that the Lord has made; let us rejoice and be glad in it.” Psalm 118:24

Not Alone

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photo 3Yesterday, on Caleb’s third birthday, I heard from many friends. A few texts and emails, many “likes” and comments on my facebook posts. Thank you. It was more than I expected. Waking up to a few emails from friends saying they were praying for me and remembering me was so comforting. I’m not alone.

Jack has been sick for a few days with congestion and a cough. His deep scratchy voice is both cute and sad. But it made for a strange day. I didn’t have any plans for Caleb’s birthday, but I didn’t picture sitting in the doctor’s office with Jack and watching more Cat in the Hat episodes than I can count.

As I thought of Caleb throughout the day, I found myself often with tears streaming down my face. At one point in the morning Jack came over, put his arms up for me to hold him, then he patted my back. He saw my sadness and he was comforting me.

photoAfter a too-short-nap-from-coughing and a few more Cat in the Hats, I decided we’d drive out to the cemetery to visit Caleb’s grave and maybe Jack would nap in the car. He didn’t. I devised a headrest iPad holder from headbands so Jack could watch a show on the drive (it didn’t cross my mind until we were on the road that the headbands might not be “safe”… so far so good). At the cemetery I told Jack I was going to leave him in the car for a minute (it’s a small cemetery, folks. I’d be about 15 steps away from the car). But Jack said no and wanted to come with me.

I’ve told Jack here and there about Caleb but I never know how much he really understands. So I took this moment to explain: Mommy had a baby before you but he died and he lives in heaven. Jack was nodding and responding “oh, yeah, baby.” Mommy is sad because I wish Caleb was here too. Wouldn’t it be fun to have a brother to play with? “No, no, no” while shaking his head. Haha! If you could see Jack saying “no” which sounds more like “mo”, you’d appreciate the cuteness. The boy is smart. He knows having an older brother means he wouldn’t have all of Mommy & Daddy’s attention.

photo 2Despite the messages from so many friends, there was a loneliness I felt today. I’ve talked about it before… a loneliness that reminds me someone is missing. A loneliness that reminds me that Jesus is the only One who can give me peace and comfort. No matter the circumstances we are each walking through, only in Jesus can we find what we need.

“Never will I leave you, never will I forsake you.” Hebrews 13:5

Cardboard Creations

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With every diaper box I put in the recycling, I think to myself “there must be something cool I could make out of these boxes.” Usually the thought ends there. But thanks to Pinterest, I was able to get more ideas and pictures to follow. Let me welcome you to Chun Village.

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Here are the materials I used

Thanks to a Costco trip the day before, I picked up a few random boxes to use. Other than I used duct tape, scissors, and a leftover roll of blue tablecloth from Jack’s 1st birthday.

First, a mailbox:

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Second, a Gas Station: I found an empty spray bottle and random unused hose part around the house. The sign is actually hand drawn with crayons and markers. I know it looks so real you probably thought I printed it from the internet, which I would have done if my printer was working, but since it’s not, Jack gets some real artwork.

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A couple of boxes and duct tape, a long afternoon nap from Jack, and we have some new toys to play with. Bring your toy cars over for a fill up and your toy letters to the post office!

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Here’s a good example of Jack’s poof of hair sticking up before his Haircut by Daddy.