Category Archives: Family

Stories of our family

Jebbie – Part 2

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If you landed here somehow without reading Part 1, please go back and read Part 1.

Eight years. Eight years of my commitment-phobic indecision.

Debbie_Jeff2After Breakup #1, I realized I didn’t really know much about Jeff so I spent the next few months talking to him – or to be more precise, AOL Instant Messaging. In November I casually announced to my roommate “I think I love Jeff Chun.” Next thing I know my roommate and I were driving to University of Illinois on a Saturday morning to have lunch with Jeff so I could ask him out. After a few hours of working up the nerve, I finally confessed I liked him, he agreed he still liked me, and we were back together.
Then Kristin (roommate) and I got back in the car and drove back to Valpo. About 10 minutes into our drive I said, “I think I made a mistake.” Kristin spent too many hours with Jeff’s not-so-fun roommate waiting for me to talk to Jeff to let me give up this early. “Date him through Christmas break and if you’re still not sure, then breakup with him.” Ok I can do that.

Christmas break came and went and Jeff and I were Ross and Rachel Breakstill together. We dated for two years through college with a few breakups or on-a-breaks. According to Jeff, no more than five and no less than three… I have no recollection of these. Who can blame me? This was the time of Ross and Rachel’s on-a-break in Friends.

After two years of dating in college, I broke up with Jeff one final time for good forever, never to date again (or so I thought). We had one last year of college before the real world. Jeff and I kept in touch a little and would see each other when we were home on weekends because he went to the same church as my family. Jeff may or may not have used this time to become best friends with my brother (seven years younger than us) in order to stay in my life. I moved to Wisconsin after graduation, while Jeff stayed in Chicagoland. [Editors note: Jeff Chun and Jeff my brother (yes it’s confusing) really were and still are good friends.]

Jeff never dated anyone else, but I did date a few guys. Sometimes it was hard to continue being friends with Jeff (current boyfriends aren’t usually happy about ex-boyfriends). One DSCN0694day I told Jeff I couldn’t be friends with him anymore. Little did I know that a few days earlier, Jeff felt like God told him that he should always care about me. Wow!

Finally a day came – like a lightbulb moment – when I casually announced to my roommates “If I’m going to marry anyone, it’s going to be Jeff Chun.” “Yay! I’ve been rooting for him all along!!” they rejoiced. I didn’t even know what they meant “rooting” for him because he had never been an option that they had known. But as soon as those words left my mouth I began to see the man Jeff had become in the last three years of not dating each other. He really was the one!

I promptly drove back home that weekend to talk to Jeff. Conveniently he was at my parents’ house hanging out with my brother. The three of us played yard games, Jeff and I flirting a little. I wondered if he could possibly like me again after all the times I broke his heart. I don’t remember much about our conversation except I was ready to get married and Jeff was going to make me wait.

At my coffee shop: Copper Rock!

At my coffee shop: Copper Rock!

We dated long distance until I realized Jeff wasn’t going to leave his real grown-up job and move to Wisconsin where I worked part-time at a coffee shop and hung out with high schoolers. I sent three resumes, got an interview and got hired. It was a whirlwind. Clearly God was directing this move. Next thing I knew I was moving back home, literally home, with my parents and my brother who was still in high school. About 10 months, 2 weeks, and 3 days later Jeff finally proposed (but who was counting?) and another eight months and we were married.

God had his hand on us the entire time. Of course I could share more stories from those years, but I think this overview is long enough. Thanks for reading friends!

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Jeff + Debbie = Jebbie

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Since we just celebrated our sixth wedding anniversary, I thought I’d share our story. Evenme hovering in the doorway though most of you reading this are family and probably already know. Just in case there’s a visitor …

Jeff and I went to high school together but we weren’t quite “high school sweethearts.” In fact the only reason we really met was because I went to prom with Jeff’s best friend. After we graduated, our groups of friends merged and I began to get to know Jeff.

He was wild. Not like party-animal-wild. More like too much energy to keep inside. He was known for being like a ninja and upheld that reputation proudly.

Since there's no picture from that pool party, this will have to suffice ;)

Since there’s no picture from that pool party, this will have to suffice 😉

It wasn’t until a year later that I really noticed Jeff. I walked into a friend’s pool party, did a double take at the guy in the pool, and asked “Who’s that?” My friend responded “that’s Jeff Chun” (like duh can’t you tell?) Jeff had a new trendy haircut (no more bowl cut parted down the middle) and traded his glasses for contacts. Hello Jeff!

Ironically, it was that same party when Jeff first noticed me. I was wearing a red bikini. Needless to say, our relationship was built on important factors.

 

My goal for that summer of 2000 was to get Jeff to like me. We started officially dating just a week before we went back to college – different colleges, 3 hours away from each other. After dating Jeff for about two weeks (accomplishing my summer goal), I went to visit him at U of I and then broke up with him.

Then Jeff declared his love for me.

Thus setting the tone for the next eight years of our off and on. Yep, eight years. That wasn’t a typo. But it seems this post is long enough for now… Now Read Part 2.

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Confession: I’m Not Nice When My Sleep Is Disrupted

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Jack DebI’m sure a few old roommates of mine are nodding their head. Yep, that’s true. 

It’s no secret that if sleeping were a super-power, I would be a super hero.

So when Jack – my precious, perfect, adorable son whom I love with all my heart and would do anything for (such as strict bedrest for four months) – when he wakes up in the middle of the night, I’m not so happy.

I recall times when my wonderful husband and I would take turns getting up with Jack. Then Jeff had a busy season at work and so I thought I’d be such a nice wife and handle Jack all on my own during the night. Eventually Jack started sleeping through the night again.

Just when my body adjusted to full nights of sleep, Jack started waking up again. He wasn’t sick or getting a tooth. He had no reason to be awake. And yet I hear “Mama mama mama mama mama” from the other room. Reluctantly, I pull myself out of the warm, cozy covers and hold a crying Jack.

After several nights of me consoling Jack back to sleep during the night, I was starting to feel like it was someone else’s turn. I nudged Jeff. Nothing. I elbowed him a few times in the back and said “I think it’s your turn.”

We proceeded to whisper-yell at each other. Are you familiar with this type of conversation? Jack was already crying, but with hopes of him going back to sleep without our intervention, Jeff and I whisper fought about who should get Jack.

He doesn’t want me. He’s saying “Mama.”

Do you remember the days he could only say “Dada” and I still got him??

Eventually Jeff agreed to get Jack. Jeff returned 30 seconds later. “He won’t even let me pick him up. He saw me and buried himself in the corner of the crib and is crying for you.”

So the next morning at Bible study my prayer request wasn’t just that Jack would start sleeping through the night again, but that my attitude would be better. That I would be kind to Jeff and that I would be patient and loving with Jack.

Things didn’t change right away, but I noticed subtle differences that helped. When Jack would cry, I would hold him and pray out loud. It seemed that when I was praying Jack would be quiet. So I didn’t stop praying until I thought he was asleep and then I laid him down. Now that’s what I do: I pray for Jack. I thank God for him and all the fun things we did during the day. I pray for his future, that he would love God with all his heart, mind, soul, and strength. I pray that Jack would continue to be a blessing to those around him.

Jeff and Jack reading books by flashlight.

Jeff and Jack reading books by flashlight.

Now when I crawl back into bed after consoling Jack, I’m not regretting the bad words I said or thought. Instead I’m grateful for that time to pray for him. I feel peace and confidence that I’m doing what God wants.

I still don’t like when my sleep is disrupted. But I trust that God will give me the rest that I need and that the awake times He gives me are purposeful.

Vikings and Pac-Man

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IMG_3609Just an ordinary Saturday for us… Jack has been very attached to his sleepers lately and refusing to get dressed. But this morning he was fine … onesie undershirt, jeans… then he seemed to realize what was happening and the tears and kicks began. So I added the sleeper and he walked around like this for awhile. Maybe it’ll be a new trend amongst toddlers.

After breakfast and a few Cat in the Hats, Jack explored Daddy’s IMG_3612closet and prepared for battle. He did this all by himself. I am part Norwegian so I suppose Jack is just acting like his Viking ancestors. (Jeff was also a “Viking” because it was his middle school’s mascot. Go Vikings.)

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Jack has been sick this week and although he seems better every day, I figured we should probably just stay home and play around the house. Jack found this old Pac-Man game you hook to the tv, which was actually my roommate’s about nine years ago! So for the first time in nine years, we hooked it up and introduced Jack to Pac-Man. The entertainment only lasted a few minutes. Daddy would have been happy to keep playing but Jack pulled him away.

IMG_3617One of Jack’s favorite things to do is climb onto Daddy’s workbench and play with tools. I am usually not around for this, as I would probably be hesitant to approve such *dangerous* activities. But I held my tongue today and watched Jack have fun hammering nails, pulling wrenches off the wall, and listening to noises. He even grabbed some sand paper and started sanding a wood block. He only saw Jeff to do that once. What a smart tool-boy!

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Just another Saturday morning at the Chun house! We hope your weekend is off to a great start!

“This is the day that the Lord has made; let us rejoice and be glad in it.” Psalm 118:24

Winter Camping

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Indoor winter camping, that is. We’ve had many too-cold-to-leave-the-house days because of this Polar Vortex hitting the midwest. Jack was still entertained by his toys, but I was getting a little bored. What better time to set up our new tent in the basement? Here are some tips to follow:

Check the dimensions of your tent and make sure it fits in the space you have.

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This new tent was given to us by some great friends who borrowed our old tent for a youth group retreat and our tent got damaged. However our old tent was from high school, a friend of ours had bought it and didn’t want it so Jeff took it, and it was already falling apart. We told our friends not to even worry if anything happened to it. But they’re so nice they bought us a brand new tent! Unfortunately this tent has not been used because we haven’t dared camping with a baby yet. Having never even set this tent up, and since our basement is pretty big, it never occurred to me that the tent wouldn’t fit in our basement.

 

Make sure your toddler who agrees to help you in the beginning, is committed to completing the project.

Notice the poles are almost hitting the walls, and the toddler is just watching tv.
Notice the poles are almost hitting the walls, and the toddler is just watching tv.

Jack do you want to set up the tent? “Yeah!!!” His enthusiasm waned quickly. He seemed most excited about closing the door to the under-the-stairs-closet, trapping me inside while I retrieved the tent. This should have been a warning for me. Jack helped get the poles in, but when it came time to hook the poles into the four corners and pop up the middle, Jack was more interested in The Cat in The Hat.

Jack can you come hold this for Mommy? “No. No. No.” Ok then can you bring the chair over? We both looked at the blue computer chair which I planned on using to hold up the middle of the tent so I could get the pole ends hooked in. “Ok,” Jack said and he went to get the chair which was just a few feet away. He returns and hands me a little toy grill brush as if that was exactly what I asked for. I was laughing, and confused. Jack proceeded to go upstairs and find himself a snack. However I was too far into this project to abandon it now.

Fill the tent with fun.

IMG_3357Once the tent was up, we grabbed a chair, some books and toys and had a little fun. We especially had fun with Jack’s chair which kept flipping over. It made a cold day a little more fun!

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He’s Not Joining the Military

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Jack had his first hair cut by Daddy this weekend. Jeff has cut his own hair for years and he does a good job. It’s really just a buzz cut with different lengths on the top and the sides. Jeff’s hair grows so fast, he cuts it every two weeks.

 

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Jack’s very first haircut

Jack’s hair isn’t quite like his Daddy’s, although it still grows fast. Every month I spend $20 taking Jack to a fancy, over-priced, kid-specialized salon. He sits on a little motorcycle, watches the movie Cars, and cries for most of the 10 minutes it takes the hair stylist to cut his hair. For awhile Jeff and I were thinking Jeff should cut Jack’s hair. I made Jeff attend Jack’s last haircut so he could learn how the experts do it.

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After two days of Jack’s poof sticking straight up, Jeff said “Jack do you want Daddy to cut your hair?” Jack was very excited about this, even though he seems to hate getting his hair cut. We discussed briefly, then started to get ready. Jeff got the clippers, I started praying. Just kidding… kind of…

 

Jack did better than he has at any hair cut. Lots of hair fell to the ground. I had to remind Jeff that Jack isn’t joining the military, so he didn’t need to go so short.

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But in the end we saved money, had fun, Jack looks adorable, and I’m not even mad at Jeff! Success!IMG_3407

Goals For 2014

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I tried to think of a more creative title, but figured I might as well just write and not delay this post like so many others I’ve started writing in my head and never actually completed. Since everyone else is writing or talking about what they’re going to do better or different in 2014 I thought I’d join them. But instead of having real defined goals, I’m going to list broad categories in hopes that I accomplish some of this some days in the coming year.

1. Meal Plan. With all the blogs, recipes, ideas online this could be really easy… if I do it. I bookmark sites with “25 Freezer to Crock Pot meals” but the grocery shopping and cooking often doesn’t happen. Around 5pm each day dinner surprises me. What is it about husbands and children that they want to eat dinner every night?

2. Reorganize my Kitchen and Pantry. It’s not even that bad. It’s just that some breakables and open bags of chips need to be moved to a shelf higher than the toddler can reach. Anyone an expert in this? I think it might take an outside perspective.

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2B. Not use the Dining Room as Temporary/Permanent Storage. The dining room is rarely used for dining so it seems like a perfect place to drop my things when I don’t have time to put them away. Then about two months later Jeff will find a place to put them for me. (True story)

3. Clean More. I keep asking for a cleaning lady but no such luck. And despite the fact that I’ve been following the Clean Mama blog for the last year, it has had little impact on my life. Apparently you have to actually do the cleaning tasks, not just read the blog and download the free cleaning calendar.

4. Read the Bible. This could always be on my list. When can you ever read it enough? In all seriousness, I’ve read through the whole Bible several times and I still learn new things each time I read it. It is the only thing that truly gives me peace, joy, and hope. It is life-giving and I want it to be part of my every day.

5. Blog Again. It’s not like I ever intentionally stopped. It was easy to write while I was on bed rest but having a mobile, attention-seeking, adorable little boy (who sneaks into the pantry every time I turn my back) has given me plenty of funny material for a blog, but little time to write it. Poor excuse, I know. But my desire is to write again so we’ll see how that goes.

What’s on your list?
“Forget the former things; do not dwell on the past. See, I am doing a new thing…” Isaiah 43:18-19

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Advice For The Bride-To-Be

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Today we honored my sister-in-law at a bridal shower with family and friends as she prepares for her wedding in one month! The following is a speech I gave of my advice to her, and to any soon-to-be (or already) married woman.

We spend so much time focusing on the wedding day, that now we would like to take a few moments to help you prepare for a lifetime of marriage. Since I have been married for 5 years, I’m pretty much an expert and qualified to speak next.

“How to survive being married to a Chun” Oh wait, that’s my speech for Tom! Just kidding.

Stephanie I do have three pieces of advice for you as you begin your married life with Tom. In the Bible in Matthew 19 Jesus says “At the beginning the Creator ‘made them male and female,’ and said, ‘For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh’ So they are no longer two, but one flesh.” (Matt 19:4-6)

1. My first piece of advice is do everything together. There are enough things in your daily life that will pull you away from each other. You will spend at least 8 hours at work away from each other every day. Make a conscious effort to spend your time with Tom. This may mean taking an interest in things he likes, such as video games and cars. But eventually you will see him take an interest in things you like to do as well.

When Jeff and I were first married, we had already dated on and off for 8 years, so I thought I knew all there was to know about him. One day he started to tell me about mixed martial arts where you combine boxing and martial arts moves. He said there was a reality tv show called The Ultimate Fighter where guys compete to get a contract to fight professionally. As uninterested in this as I was, I decided I’d watch it with him anyway. We were just married and I was trying to spend time with him. Well it didn’t take long before the reality show aspect sucked me in. Soon I found myself understanding the sport, picking my favorite fighters, and telling Jeff when the next fight was that we needed to watch. His interest became my interest.

Doing things together for us has also meant traveling to incredible places. I would be content to sit on a beach in Florida but because Jeff wanted to, we’ve climbed Africa’s tallest mountain, kayaked in Thailand, and crawled through caves in Kentucky. I’m still requesting a vacation that does not require me training for, but I’m hoping that will come soon.

Jeff has also taken an interest in things I like. He is more of a loner, but I’d rather spend time with people. He once told me I was only allowed to have one party per year. Haha! I said “ok” and just stopped calling them “parties” and started saying we were having some friends over. Just last month for Jack’s first birthday party Jeff said, “Well if we’re going to have a party, it should be the best party ever!” He’s coming around.

“Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.” (Phil 4:6-7)

2. My second point is Pray don’t Nag. Wives seem to have a reputation for nagging their husbands: do this, don’t do that, change your attitude, change your clothes, etc. While it’s fine to kindly remind Tom to take the garbage out, when you want to see real lasting change in his life, it is crucial to pray. It may be hard to believe, but there will be times you are frustrated and angry with Tom. Instead of complaining or arguing or trying to convince him of your way, pray. By praying you are acknowledging that God is in control. He is the One who has the power to change Tom’s heart. But God also has the power to change your heart.

As you pray and ask God to change Tom, you may find you are the one changing. You will become more patient, kind, and forgiving of Tom as you realize that God has been patient, kind, and forgiving of you, just like He is with all of us.

Praying for Tom when you are upset is a great way to avoid some arguments. But it is also a great gift you can give him to pray for Tom everyday – pray about his work, his friends, his attitude, his faith, his marriage. This book, The Power of a Praying Wife is a great tool in giving you Bible verses and example prayers on a variety of topics to pray for Tom.

“Therefore what God has joined together, let no one separate.” (Matt 19:6)

3. In the world today you hear a lot about divorce. Billboards advertise divorce lawyers, TV & movies show divorced families like it’s no big deal, and the divorce rate is around 50%. But in your family and in Tom’s family marriage is honored. You and Tom are blessed with grandparents, aunts & uncles, siblings, and parents who are leaving a legacy of marriage. I made this frame with their names to remind you that you are not alone.

20130721-212955.jpgWhen hard times come, may this serve as a testimony of the commitment you have witnessed in your families. There will be challenges in your life together. Arguments you don’t know how to resolve, conflict you think won’t go away, disagreements you want to win. There may be sorrow. There may be hardships. But there will be joy. May this frame serve to remind you that you “are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders [every thought that says you might be better with someone else – set that aside] and the sin that so easily entangles. And run with perseverance this race [of marriage] marked out for you, fixing your eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of your faith.” (Hebrews 12:1-2) And may you continue to pass on the legacy of marriage to future generations.

Finally, Stephanie, may you remember that “Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails.” (1 Cor. 13:4-8)

When Mother’s Day Isn’t Happy

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IMG_1761I was at the grocery store on Friday shopping with Jack and already the cashier was saying “Happy Mother’s Day.” While I appreciated their comments, I wondered if I should say it back to her. She didn’t have any children with her, obviously, so how could I know if she’s a mom.  Really the awkwardness of it just reminded me of how this special day can be challenging for so many. While it is great to set aside a day to celebrate the wonderful mothers in our lives, maybe you can take a minute to remember and pray for those who’s day is sad.

  • Children whose mothers have recently died
  • Mothers who have lost children through miscarriage, stillbirth, or early infant loss
  • Women who long to be mothers but struggle with infertility, or aren’t married, or don’t have the opportunity to become a mom
  • Women who are like mothers – physically, spiritually, emotionally mothering others

I read a letter online recently also bringing attention to churches about recognizing moms in church. Its a great letter so you should check it out.

Last year while I was pregnant with Jack I wrote about being a “Mom.” I know it resonated with a few friends so I thought instead of rewriting something really similar I would just repost it below.

May 11, 2012 – Mother’s Day for a “Mom”

IMG_1750Mothers Day is challenging for me. People see me pregnant now and say “Maybe this will be your first Mothers Day!” as if delivering the baby before then will ensure that I am a mom this Mothers Day. I don’t understand why we say life begins at conception and consider the thing inside me to be a baby, but don’t consider pregnant women mothers.

Furthermore, last year was my first Mothers Day. It was about two months after I gave birth to Caleb and proceeded to lay him in the grave. Just because my two children aren’t in my arms doesn’t mean I’m not a mom, or any less of a mom than someone else.

But what are you supposed to say to me: “Happy Mothers Day?” It’s kind of happy. I’m certainly excited about this new little one and getting to meet him face to face soon. I’m happy that I had Caleb, even though it was a short time. I’m happy to celebrate my wonderful mom and mother-in-law, my grandmother-in-law, my sisters who are moms, and a host of other great mom examples.

But for me Mothers Day is lonely. It’s a reminder that Caleb isn’t here. He can’t ever be replaced with another child. I imagine part of me will always feel like this on Mothers Day.Someone is missing. When people acknowledge me on Mothers Day, it’s a reminder of this. Yet when people don’t acknowledge me, it makes me feel like Caleb has been forgotten.

I feel like I’m a “mom,” always having to qualify my role… “Is this your first child?” Kind of…. When they ask all the moms to stand up at church, do I stand? What questions will I have to answer then? If I don’t stand, is it like I’m ignoring Caleb?

I don’t write this so that you’ll acknowledge me in some way on Mothers Day. It’s really not about me. It’s really about a Mom who doesn’t want her children to be overlooked. I’m sure there are other “moms” in your life: women who have struggled with infertility, women who have miscarried, women who never had the opportunity to give birth to their own children. Maybe you’ll just take a minute to think about what makes someone a Mom. As you celebrate this year, be sensitive to the “moms” whose children aren’t in their arms but are forever in their hearts.

For the Moms, the “moms,” and all others, may this Mother’s Day be a day of celebrating the wonderful mothers in your life, but more importantly celebrating the God who loves us and is our example of how to love others.

“Rejoice in the Lord always, I will say it again: Rejoice! Let your graciousness be known to everyone. The Lord is near. Don’t worry about anything, but in everything, through prayer and petition with thanksgiving; let your requests be made known to God. And the peace of God, which surpasses every thought, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.” Philippians 4:4-7

Not What I Would Have Planned

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Last weekend we had plans to go to Lake Geneva for a race Jeff was running (as I wrote about yesterday). We were going to leave at noon on Friday and spend the afternoon introducing Jack to the swimming pool. However, no one seems to have created an app to sync my iPhone calendar with our home paper calendar, and thus we had a conflict.

My sister-in-law had given me tickets at Christmas to a concert Friday night. So Jeff and I decided we would go to the concert, come home, wake Jack up, and drive up to Lake Geneva late Friday night. We assumed Jack would just go back to sleep in the car. Instead, Jeff slept in the car and Jack talked to me while I drove.

It ended up working out though because the wake for my friend Heidi who died earlier in the week was Friday afternoon. Jeff had an appointment to get his car worked on, so I took Jack and met my mom and sister at the funeral home. We knew there would be quite a crowd so we got there almost when it began.

I’ve never seen anything quite like it… hundreds of people waiting in a line that weaved through the large funeral home, looking at pictures of Heidi with her family and friends as some of her favorite Fernando Ortega songs played. The vast crowd was surely a testimony to her life: friendly, caring, compassionate, joyful.

If it was any other concert, I would have skipped it. But it was Chris Tomlin. I have all of his albums and have never seen him in concert. He’s one of the best contemporary Christian song writers and worship leaders. So I rushed home after the wake and Jeff and I rushed to make it to the concert on time.

Going from a wake to a concert isn’t what I would have planned. But this wasn’t just a concert, it was truly focused on Jesus, worshipping him with thousands of people around. As the first song played, I knew I was right where I was supposed to be. Kari Jobe singing We Are – “Make the most of the time we have left, We are the light of the world… We gotta let the light shine”