Category Archives: Pregnancy Updates

Updates about bed rest and what the doctors have said recently.

1,000 Sleepless Nights

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What if Your blessings come through rain drops,
What if Your healing comes through tears,
What if a thousand sleepless nights are what it takes to know You’re near,
What if my greatest disappointment
Or the aching of this life
Is the revealing of a greater thirst
This world can’t satisfy
What if trials in this life are Your mercies in disguise

This is the chorus to Laura Story’s song Blessings. I first heard it about a year ago after having Caleb. It became like a theme song for me, expressing what I believed but wasn’t able to put into words.

Whenever I can’t sleep I think of that line: what if a thousand sleepless nights are what it takes to know You’re near. Tonight is one of my sleepless nights. Not because I’m worried or anxious. I just seem to be wide awake. I ate a small chocolate chip cookie bar at 10:30 but that doesn’t seem like the culprit.

Many of my sleepless nights have been filled with anxieties or sadness. After having Caleb I often emailed friends in the middle of the night with my thoughts and emotions. Writing usually helped me recognize my feelings and release them to God.

I hate not sleeping. But if it takes 1,000 sleepless nights to understand the nearness of God, then sign me up. Maybe insomnia is the Lord’s way of subtly getting our attention and hoping we call out to Him. Maybe in the stillness and silence of the night our hearts and minds can hear what God is trying to tell us. It might not be an intricate earth-shattering message, but just a time to feel the loving arms of our Savior wrapped around us as He sings over us, reminding us that He is always near.

“I will never leave you or forsake you.” Hebrews 13:5

“For the LORD your God is living among you. He is a mighty Savior. He will take delight in you with gladness. With His love, He will calm all your fears. He will rejoice over you with joyful songs.” Zephaniah 3:17

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I Can Do Nothing

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My favorite Bible verse isn’t John 3:16, or a widely known verse about God’s love, or even about the grace offered to us. Instead, my favorite verse is John 15:5 where Jesus says, “Apart from Me you can do nothing.” That’s just the last half but it’s a reminder I often need. The whole verse is Jesus saying, “I am the vine; you are the branches. If you remain in Me and I in you, you will bear much fruit; apart from Me you can do nothing.”

I woke up on the “wrong side of the bed” this morning. It was early, I was already bored, uncomfortable, and lonely, and not looking forward to the day, even though I get to go out to the doctor this afternoon (which also means a trip to Starbucks). There are enough emotions with being pregnant that I try not to give into emotional bursts, but this morning I was struggling. It’s been almost 8 weeks of bed rest, but I have 7 weeks left. With the weather being so nice this week, I’ve found it especially difficult to stay in bed laying down.

Pushing through my tears, I grab my Bible-verse-a-day calendar and flip the page to find John 15:5 as today’s verse. It’s like I can hear Jesus speaking right to me, “Remain in Me.” Read the Bible, sing some praise songs, stay close to the One who loves me and is always with me. Because apart from Him, I can do nothing. Apart from Jesus I can’t do bed rest, I can’t survive this mental game, I can’t find joy or peace or comfort. But with Him I can do all of this and so much more. Now to Him who is able to do more than I ask or imagine be all the glory (Ephesians 3:20).

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If You Want It Done Right…Make Your Own Pizza

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I’ve been asked if there are any foods I crave during this pregnancy. I didn’t think there was anything in particular until figuring out dinner plans where I recommended BBQ chicken pizza for the third weekend in a row.

Several years ago I began experimenting with BBQ sauce and I made a great pizza. I’m not known for my cooking, but the one thing I’ve got is BBQ chicken pizza. When I go to restaurants I’m always interested in trying their BBQ chicken pizza to see how mine measures up. Time and again, I’m disappointed with the restaurant but proud of my own creation. I suppose the saying, if you want something done right you have to do it yourself is true. Except for Dominos.

Dominos Pizza recently revamped their menu, and while their Memphis BBQ pizza is different than mine, it has satisfied my pregnancy cravings. Good thing I discovered Dominos BBQ pizza since I am unable to make my version. Bed rest has made that famous saying impossible for me. I can’t do most things myself.

Thankfully I’m pretty laid back about things being “done right” around the house. The other person who lives here (not mentioning any names) struggles a little more. Dishes aren’t put in the places they normally go, crumbs are in the bed or scattered on the floor, toys keep showing up but not leaving, magazines and books clutter the rooms I spend time in, etc. People come over to help us, but everyone has their own way of doing things. Regardless we are very grateful.

Sometimes you have to overlook your way, or your perfectionist tendencies, and let others be part of your life. God didn’t create us to be alone. He created us to live in community, to need relationships, and to help each other. Just as a body has many parts, so the body of Christ has many parts but each their own purpose so they can work together. Just as we need hands, feet, eyes, and ears, so the church (the body of Christ) needs people with different gifts to work together.

In these days that I can’t be feet or hands, thank you for being the feet and hands I need. It’s not always easy to see what people need, but if we seek God He will show us how to reach out to others to help them. And if you’re looking for a good BBQ chicken pizza try Dominos, or in a few months I’ll make you one myself.

1 Corinthians 12:12-31 talks about the Body of Christ and various gifts God has given us.

This blog post was not sponsored by Dominos, but if they would like to compensate me with free pizzas that would be acceptable.

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His Grace is Enough

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They call it “Incompetent Cervix” but I really dislike any part of me being called incompetent. Today at the doctor my cervix was funneling (open from the baby to the stitch). Last week it funneled under pressure (when they simulate a contraction) but today no pressure was needed. My doctor isn’t concerned because this is what a patient with a cerclage and incompetent cervix normally looks like. But I don’t like it.

I realized I was only looking at the negative and not seeing the positives. There are several good things to consider:
1. I’m 28.5 weeks along. Most babies born now survive.
2. I’m not in labor. My cervix isn’t dilated at all.
3. The funnel is narrow so there isn’t pressure on the stitch.
4. The distance from the stitch to the outside is 1.9 which is good. It hasn’t shortened.
5. My current state is considered normal for patients in my condition.

It’s a lot harder to keep the faith when I don’t have amazing medical proof. I’ve asked God for a full-term baby and I have believed He will answer. But I’ve had amazing reports from my doctors which have made it easy to believe God. I heard a Bible verse on the radio on my way home which was just what I needed:

God said, “My grace is sufficient for you, for My power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me. 2 Cor 12:9

Yes my cervix is incompetent and weak, but God is showing His strength because of it. In Him I can always trust. His grace is enough for me.

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Kilimanjaro or Bed Rest (Part 2)

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I don’t think I answered the question of which one is harder: climbing Kilimanjaro or 15 weeks of bed rest. Last week I probably would have said Kilimanjaro. This week bed rest is getting to me a little.

I’ve found myself longing for strange things, like to go to Target. Who can live four months without going to Target?! My sisters gave me all their maternity clothes, most of which are really cute, but instead I’m wearing t-shirts and pajama pants. The one day each week I go to the doctor is my chance to dress nice, except when I come home I’ll be stuck downstairs the rest of the day so I still have to wear something comfortable. Oh the challenges…

Kilimanjaro required a lot of physical training to prepare, as well as a new level of mental toughness. Although I think disciplining my mind is certainly paying off now. What got me through the grueling 8 hour summit in the middle of the night in below zero temperatures was the thought that I’ll have a picture of me at the top and it will be my Facebook profile picture forever. Funny motivation.

One of the most challenging parts of Kilimanjaro for me was not having a lot of people to talk to. I love Jeff, and we had a great time, but I was longing for more people to build relationships with. In comparison, one of the best parts of bed rest are the relationships I’m building with people. I don’t think I could do this without so many friends and family spending time with me. It seems like I’m busier on bed rest than I was before! Having people scheduled to visit really gives me something to look forward to, a reason to put on real clothes, and makes the weeks go faster.

In conclusion, as of now having completed three weeks of bed rest, I think Kilimanjaro was harder. We’ll revisit this topic in a few more weeks and see if I’ve changed my mind. Also, my visitor schedule is open Wednesday, Thursday, and Friday this week so send me an email if you’d like one of those slots 🙂

Two people are better off than one, for they can help each other succeed. If one person falls, the other can reach out and help. But someone who falls alone is in real trouble…A person standing alone can be attacked and defeated, but two can stand back-to-back and conquer. Three are even better, for a triple-braided cord is not easily broken. (Ecclesiastes 4:9–12)

Sometimes I Feel Like

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Sometimes I feel like an Israelite.

Reading about the Israelites in Exodus makes me frustrated. It is so easy to see how time and again God does something miraculous for them but moments later they turn away from Him. He parts the Red Sea to bring about their deliverance from slavery, they worship Him, then they complain they don’t have food. God miraculously gives them food from heaven and they complain they don’t have meat. God gives them meat and they complain about something else. They even went so far as to build an idol to worship, as if they had forgotten all these amazing things God did as He rescued them from slavery.

It’s always easier to see someone else’s sin than our own. Too often I’m just like the Israelites. I praise God for what He’s done and two days later I’m overcome with doubt and fear.

Something got into me today and I was really struggling tonight (as you can tell by the fact I’m blogging at midnight). I had a contraction, which I haven’t had in days, and all of a sudden I’m extremely aware of every little feeling in my body. Finally laying in bed tonight I prayed, “Lord I just need to hear from You. I know my feelings can lie and my worries make it hard to see the truth. I just want to hear You tell me everything is ok.”

But instead of answering me directly, God reminded me of the miracles He has already done in this pregnancy, like last Friday at the doctor, and He reminded me of the Israelites. I don’t want to praise God and then forget what He’s done. I want to praise Him all the time, even when I’m struggling. I want to always remember the amazing work He’s done and live each day expecting His work to continue.

Lord I’m sorry for doubting and letting fear consume me. Thank You for being faithful even when I’m not. Thank You for reminding me that You who began a good work in me will carry it on to completion. Lord again I surrender this precious baby into Your loving, capable hands. I lay down my fear and worry and choose instead to trust You. Thank You for alway loving me and letting nothing separate me from Your love. In Jesus’ Name, amen.

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Kilimanjaro or Bed Rest?

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Climbing Kilimanjaro or bed rest, which one is harder, a friend asked me recently. Both take mental strength, but I didn’t have to run and lift weights for nine months to prepare for bed rest. I posted previously about how our vacations have prepared me for bed rest, but it’s always fun to talk about Kilimanjaro so lets dig in.

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5.5 days to the summit (19,341 feet) and 1.5 days to get back down. Below 10,000 feet is a lush rainforest but beyond that Kilimanjaro has almost no vegetation. On day 1 we passed 10,000 feet, making us above the rainforest and above the cloud line. The ground had changed from green to dusty dry rocks. It reminds me of a story Jesus tells in Matthew 13:

When anyone hears the word of the kingdom and does not understand it, the evil one comes and snatches away what has been sown in his heart. This is what was sown along the path. As for what was sown on rocky ground, this is the one who hears the word and immediately receives it with joy, yet he has no root in himself, but endures for a while, and when tribulation or persecution arises on account of the word, immediately he falls away. As for what was sown among thorns, this is the one who hears the word, but the cares of the world and the deceitfulness of riches choke the word, and it proves unfruitful. As for what was sown on good soil, this is the one who hears the word and understands it. He indeed bears fruit and yields, in one case a hundredfold, in another sixty, and in another thirty.

When people hear God’s Word, there are a few responses:
1. Hears it, receives it with joy, but has no root, and falls away when there are hardships
2. Hears it, but is too concerned about worldly things, and therefore bears no fruit for God
3. Hears the word, understands it, and is fruitful

When we were walking through the rainforest of Kilimanjaro it was hard, it was steep, but there was shade from the trees. There were animals to see. We were surrounded by beautiful green trees. Walking on the dusty rocks was difficult. It was dirty and hot and hard to balance on some of the boulders. There was no vegetation and no animals. The only scenery was the summit, which always seemed miles and miles away.

Looking at the list, I want to be number three. I want to hear and understand God’s word. I want to put into practice what I learn in the Bible. What do you want to be?

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Surrender

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Most of the time when I write these blogs I am in a good place mentally and spiritually.  I’ve been encouraged by your comments and just the fact that you’re reading my blog, but I don’t want you to get the wrong idea.  I’m certainly not perfect, my faith isn’t perfect, and I struggle just like everyone else.

  • I thought everything was going to be perfect with this pregnancy, until I needed a cerclage.
  • I have no baby things in the house, but I’m nervous to register for stuff.
  • I question every little thing I feel – baby kicking, stomach gurgling – and wonder if everything is ok.

But I’ve had to take all my worries, doubt, and love for this baby, and hold them in open hands, letting God take it from me.  He wants to bear our burdens. They’re too heavy for us.  I’ve had to surrender this baby, knowing God loves him more than I do, and trust him to God’s faithful care.

God has been faithful. He has given me peace. He takes my worry and gives me wisdom. He takes my doubt and reminds me to trust and pray. 

Maybe you wonder why God gives us good news and hasn’t given it to you.  I don’t know.  We don’t often know the reasons behind our circumstances.  But I promise you, you will never regret surrendering to the Lord. 

Lay down your worries and doubts, your past, your sins, your heartache.  Let God carry your load.

“Come to Me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take My yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For My yoke is easy and My burden is light.” Matthew 11:28-30

It Takes A Village

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You’ve all heard the saying “It takes a village to raise a child.” Or in our case, it takes a village to make bed rest manageable. I had my weekly doctor appointment and wanted to share with you how God has shown Himself so faithful.

First, an anatomy lesson. Picture the cervix like a straw. One end is by the baby, one end leads to the outside. The cerclage is a stitch put around the straw in the middle – halfway between the baby and the outside. Generally the cerclage is put in because there is “funneling,” which means the end of the cervix by the baby is opening.

Throughout my pregnancy they have measured the cervix to see if there is any shortening or funneling which is bad. Every time they measured, the cervix was 3.5cm and strong, except the day of the cerclage when it was 0.4cm and funneling (normal cervix is 2.5cm). After the cerclage, they measure the cervix from the stitch to the outside and I had measured 1.7-1.9 which they were pleased with. Last week there was funneling from the baby all the way to the stitch, which is expected when there’s a cerclage.

Today, there was no funneling. As Kim, my ultrasound tech and I chatted she says, “I’m just waiting to see the cervix open.” I said, “Kim it might not open. There’s a lot of people praying for us and God can do anything.”

The doctor comes in to see me and she was smiling and so happy. “I can’t believe these pictures are of your cervix,” she said. I asked her what the measurement was and she said because there’s no funneling they measure the whole cervix, which was 3.5cm – the same it had been throughout the pregnancy!

The doctors are amazed, the ultrasound techs are amazed, the nurses are amazed, and I say God can do the impossible. Maybe we should expect amazing more often!

The doctor told me to keep up the good work on bed rest. I know it’s first because of the Lord that everything is going so well, and second because of all of you who are praying for us, bringing us meals, and hanging out with me during the day. I don’t know that I will ever have the words to express how grateful I am for each of you, but I hope you are enjoying this journey of trusting God with us and seeing Him work in amazing ways!

Water Pitcher

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When I was in the hospital two weeks ago I became enamored with the water pitcher. I only spoke of these feelings to Jeff though.

Among its best features, it holds a lot of water, has a handle making it easy to carry, comes with a secure lid, and a place for a straw! The more I used the pitcher, the more I liked it, and the more useful I found it to be.

When we were packing up to leave the hospital the nurse asked, “Do you want to take the pitcher with you? It might be helpful while you’re on bed rest.”

Inside I was so excited! My dream of having the water pitcher always with me was coming true! “Um, sure, I guess,” I responded casually. I knew my growing obsession with the pitcher was strange and I didn’t want to scare the nurse.

Jeff and I got in the car. “I get to keep the pitcher!” I exclaimed. “I’m so happy for you,” Jeff responded, always supportive.

So to the nurse at Edwards, whose name I don’t remember, thank you for my water pitcher. It is always by my side.

I was going to draw some spiritual insights about Jesus being the living water, but I got so engrossed in the pitcher story I don’t remember what the transition was. Feel free to comment about how the water pitcher relates to Jesus. 😊

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